Missing brother's wedding... Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Did u not read that he threw chairs at her, among other horrific actions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did u not read that he threw chairs at her, among other horrific actions?

did he do that when he was 8, or 14 or 24? makes a big difference. children are not held responsible for their actions in a criminal court for a reason - because they are children. family is very important - look how screwed up OP is and blaming her family and childhood. the reason it is important is because we all need family, and to throw those relationships away is pretty sad. at least talk to the brother and get his side of the story. at least try to develop a relationship with the new sister in law, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did u not read that he threw chairs at her, among other horrific actions?

did he do that when he was 8, or 14 or 24? makes a big difference. children are not held responsible for their actions in a criminal court for a reason - because they are children. family is very important - look how screwed up OP is and blaming her family and childhood. the reason it is important is because we all need family, and to throw those relationships away is pretty sad. at least talk to the brother and get his side of the story. at least try to develop a relationship with the new sister in law, etc.

PP, did you grow up in a family with an alcoholic parent? I'm guessing no.

[Anonymous]

Hi, op. You made the right decision and I hope you remain at peace with it. I, too, had an abused childhood, mostly at the hands of my sister whom I replaced as the youngest. For a while in our 20s and 30s there was an effort to have some semblance of a normal relationship. But now in our 40s following another failed relationship on her part, I feel like I'm ten again and the outbursts are worse than ever. I truly feel sorry for her but I am done making every effort to make this relationship work. It's not worth the heartache and I'm not going to continue to subject myself to her abuse or expose my family to it either.

[Anonymous]

God, this thread is making me so angry. OP, you are totally in the right here. Yes, kids fight growing up. My siblings and I wrestled and bickered and did silly things. We did not hit (past the age of about 4.) We did not kick, especially in the head. We did not throw things that would maim the others. Because we weren't young sociopaths. And if we had hurt each other, my parents would have made sure it didn't happen again. Because they were good parents.

you have an abusive brother and a crap mother. Your brother has never atoned and your mother doesn't give a rat's ass. For all you know, your brother is still an abuser. Regardless of whether the actions were done at 8 or 15, they were abusive. 8 year olds know when they've done something wrong. Hell, my 3-year-old knows when she's done something wrong. If he had ever atoned or your parents had ever taken any responsibility, my answer might be slightly less adamant.

I'm really sorry you had to deal with this growing up. I feel like you have a pass to ignore the whole sorry clan for the rest of your life if you want to. Family comes first if they deserve it. Yours doesn't. F*ck them. A wedding is no time to try to heal wounds, anyway - chances are he'd be too absorbed in the band and the cake and what-not to say more than 10 words to you.

be careful, though - if you scare off the fiancee, you'll be blamed for that too and it'll probably bring on a whole new level of crazy.

[Anonymous]

Not going to read all of the posts. I'll only say this. Anybody who can't take a weekend off to attend the wedding of her brother is making a huge, huge career mistake. They don't value you more for subservience; in fact, if you can't stand up for reasonable private life, they won't respect you. I'd NEVER promote someone if I found out they skipped their siblings wedding due to a work trip that came up after a flight was purchased and plans were made. I'd think there was something wrong with that person. Keep that up and you'll always be a worker bee.

BTW, it sounds like you have other issues with the wedding. Maybe you're convincing yourself you have to go to this work trip when you don't, really? But if you don't want to go to your brother's wedding, you don't have to, and you can make up any reason you want or you can tell the truth. It sounds like you don't like him and haven't forgiven him. As much as I would recommend forgiveness, if it's not in your heart, it's not. So don't go to his wedding.

But I wouldn't believe you if you were my kid and you said you were skipping for work. People will see through that, or else they'll be embarrassed for you to have prostrated yourself to work to that degree. It's not slavery.

[Anonymous]

2234 again. Never mind. OP, it sounds like what your brother did really hurt you as a child. But wow. Just....wow. The hate you have for your family is so obvious. None of us can tell from 5 pages of one-sided post what all is involved, whether there's another side to your story, or what. But even just taking it on face value, you are seriously dramatic. You are hang-wringingly talking about your job with the most drama you can, then you call your mom a drama-queen.

My family is toxic, too. I made a choice some years ago to learn to manage my feelings about them and reactions to some of their behavior or cut them out of my life. You can't straddle this. If you want them out of your life, do it. But don't pretend things are okay and then piss on them from a distance. What they did to you was not okay; what you are doing now is not okay.

You need a better therapist, and I don't mean to be hurtful when I say that, but I'm serious. You've got major issues here, and I can understand why if everything you say is true. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2234 again. Never mind. OP, it sounds like what your brother did really hurt you as a child. But wow. Just....wow. The hate you have for your family is so obvious. None of us can tell from 5 pages of one-sided post what all is involved, whether there's another side to your story, or what. But even just taking it on face value, you are seriously dramatic. You are hang-wringingly talking about your job with the most drama you can, then you call your mom a drama-queen.

My family is toxic, too. I made a choice some years ago to learn to manage my feelings about them and reactions to some of their behavior or cut them out of my life. You can't straddle this. If you want them out of your life, do it. But don't pretend things are okay and then piss on them from a distance. What they did to you was not okay; what you are doing now is not okay.

You need a better therapist, and I don't mean to be hurtful when I say that, but I'm serious. You've got major issues here, and I can understand why if everything you say is true. Good luck to you.

agree with this post. OP is a complete drama queen. The hate is absurd. If the family was so dysfunctional with alcoholic parents, then don't you think the brother had a tough childhood too? Of course he did. Grow up. Forgive. Learn. Love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did u not read that he threw chairs at her, among other horrific actions?

did he do that when he was 8, or 14 or 24? makes a big difference. children are not held responsible for their actions in a criminal court for a reason - because they are children. family is very important - look how screwed up OP is and blaming her family and childhood. the reason it is important is because we all need family, and to throw those relationships away is pretty sad. at least talk to the brother and get his side of the story. at least try to develop a relationship with the new sister in law, etc.

My brother threw the chair at my head when he was 18 and I was 16. When he was 19 and I was 17, my Mom pinned me down on the stairs and started hitting me because I skipped school. My borther came held me down when I tried to fight her off me. When he was 27 and I was 25 I had a fight with my Mom (verbal) and he picked me up my my throat and carried me out of the room, threw me on the bed and started choking me and punching me in the head. Is that enough for you, PP? Abuse is unacceptable at ANY age. I am not even going to justify not speaking to my family to you.

[Anonymous]

why were you skipping school and why do you fight with your mom and brother so much? are you married now? do you have repeated trouble like this in all of your relationships?

[Anonymous]

Why was is skipping school? Yes, I'm the first person who ever cut class. Please do me a favor and stop responding to this thread, you are not helpful. I fight with my Mom because she is an alcoholic and my brother is her enabler. Yes I'm married and we eloped, no family drama here. I've had the same best friend for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

*I, not is

[Anonymous]

Dont feed the animal, op. She will stop coming around for food eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did u not read that he threw chairs at her, among other horrific actions?

did he do that when he was 8, or 14 or 24? makes a big difference. children are not held responsible for their actions in a criminal court for a reason - because they are children. family is very important - look how screwed up OP is and blaming her family and childhood. the reason it is important is because we all need family, and to throw those relationships away is pretty sad. at least talk to the brother and get his side of the story. at least try to develop a relationship with the new sister in law, etc.

My brother threw the chair at my head when he was 18 and I was 16. When he was 19 and I was 17, my Mom pinned me down on the stairs and started hitting me because I skipped school. My borther came held me down when I tried to fight her off me. When he was 27 and I was 25 I had a fight with my Mom (verbal) and he picked me up my my throat and carried me out of the room, threw me on the bed and started choking me and punching me in the head. Is that enough for you, PP? Abuse is unacceptable at ANY age. I am not even going to justify not speaking to my family to you.

I too grew up with violence and I disagree with you. Age does matter. A 4 yr old hitting their sib is different than a 24 yr old hitting their sib. an 8 yr old is different than an 18 yr old. It isn't all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why were you skipping school and why do you fight with your mom and brother so much? are you married now? do you have repeated trouble like this in all of your relationships?

GO THE F--K AWAY (and I am not OP).