You other parents are the problem....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

My 12 and 13 year olds don’t have restrictions. It’s up to them when they go to bed. They can suffer the consequences. Thankfully, they’re good about it and go to bed at a decent time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

I love how parents like you show themselves - “I’m tryyying and feel hurt because you have rules.” Then you will live on this thread and tell OP and rational people like me that we are unkind. 😭

DP

She’s not implying that you’re unkind - she’s implying that you’re stupid.

The fact that you are both is purely coincidental.

I don’t know, ma’am. We have no tech issues, no bullying, nothing that brought you quick like a bunny into this thread. Enjoy your busted children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'l get a lot of "not my kid, my kid would never do this" here, OP. And the answer is, yes, there are kids that would never do this (including mine), but there are just as many kids whose parents have no idea what they're doing on their phone/social media. My solution is that even though I trust my kid 100%, it's still my job to enforce safe limits.

Good post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

She doesn’t need a gold star. But you sound like you could use a good cookie. Why so angry?

Where do you get angry? I was trying to give her the validation that she clearly desperately craves!

DP. Nope. Continue feeling stung because of your failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

NP. You sound grouchy and unfit for civil discourse. Perhaps you need more…sleep?

It’s wrong to congratulate and reward people for their superior parenting and loving their kids more than all the other parents? What has the world come to?!

It seems you need to find another site or maybe a friend, a spouse, anyone who can affirm that your myriad instances of failing to be an adult and a reasonably competent mom were okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

Hooked when is the question - a toddler can get hooked, it’s very different from a fully grown adult getting hooked. Remember the video of a kid in Indonesia or some Asian country getting hooked on to cigarettes at a young age. Parents have a responsibility to control and guide kids till a certain, kids don’t know how to control, or evaluate and will get hooked to things that are bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

Yes, but there's increasing evidence that while the brain is growing and still developing, the smartphones are rewiring the circuits and changing the dopamine receptors etc. It's like saying hey, marijuana is legal now, so if your kid is going to do it when they're in their twenties, why cut off access to it when they're 16?

People are more likely to get hooked to anything the younger they are when they start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

I love how parents like you show themselves - “I’m tryyying and feel hurt because you have rules.” Then you will live on this thread and tell OP and rational people like me that we are unkind. 😭

DP

She’s not implying that you’re unkind - she’s implying that you’re stupid.

The fact that you are both is purely coincidental.

I don’t know, ma’am. We have no tech issues, no bullying, nothing that brought you quick like a bunny into this thread. Enjoy your busted children.

Thanks for proving the point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

NP. You sound grouchy and unfit for civil discourse. Perhaps you need more…sleep?

It’s wrong to congratulate and reward people for their superior parenting and loving their kids more than all the other parents? What has the world come to?!

It seems you need to find another site or maybe a friend, a spouse, anyone who can affirm that your myriad instances of failing to be an adult and a reasonably competent mom were okay.

I honestly don’t understand. I was paying the woman a COMPLIMENT. Isn’t that what she wanted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

OP here. I'll ignore the insult.

Your teen - and I say this earnestly - is very unique, IMO. Most 14-17 years olds do not have this kind of self-discipline, and in fact, psychiatrists and neurologists would all say their brains aren't yet fully capable of having that kind of self-discipline.

It will serve her well in the future.

But for the other 95% of teens who don't have what your daughter has, parents probably need to help them by setting boundaries.

DP. None of us parents had access to smartphones in our teen years and plenty of us are fully addicted now in adulthood. I do kind of wonder how well restrictions will serve some of these kids in the future because the phones aren’t going anywhere. I’m not saying it’s not worth trying—mine at least had downtime in effect throughout their early teen years—but as soon as you lose the ability to control it, they’re on their own. If they have a propensity to get hooked, it’s going to happen eventually.

Yes, but there's increasing evidence that while the brain is growing and still developing, the smartphones are rewiring the circuits and changing the dopamine receptors etc. It's like saying hey, marijuana is legal now, so if your kid is going to do it when they're in their twenties, why cut off access to it when they're 16?

People are more likely to get hooked to anything the younger they are when they start.

It’s not exactly the same, though, because you, the parent, gave them the phone in the first place. Unlike marijuana, they really do have to learn to regulate themselves because they’re not really optional once you get to a certain age.

[Anonymous]

its all exaggerated not all parents do that..its the other way around...I think there's a small few whose parents allow for phones in the room and many who ask for it to be put outside of the room at a certain time.

[Anonymous]

You still have not told us how old your kid is, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 12 and 13 year olds don’t have restrictions. It’s up to them when they go to bed. They can suffer the consequences. Thankfully, they’re good about it and go to bed at a decent time.

You’re a neglectful parent.