You other parents are the problem....

[Anonymous]

No phones in both our teens’ rooms overnight.

[Anonymous]

How old are we talking here, OP?

[Anonymous]

Being controlled by parents is not a very good look for teens/young adults. I mean, they are. But it's not a good look. Certainly not cool to be controlled by parents. I'm surprised teens whine the way they do ... especially if they are whining to their friends, about parents controlling them. Encourage your son to make-up some other narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are we talking here, OP?

My question too. I feel wildly different about this for a 14 year old vs a kid headed to college this fall.

[Anonymous]

My 15 and 17 years old have their phones in the rooms all night. The 15 year old is never on it past 11, and the 17 year old is usually done with it around 12:30 (I can see their screen time reports). That feels reasonable to me. They’re learning to self-regulate.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand this post. Are you annoyed about the fact that other families have different rules? Or is it an issue because your teen throws it in your face to try to get what he wants?

Different families have different rules. Teens complain about how "everyone else" is permitted to do something they aren't. This isn't new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

I love how parents like you show themselves - “I’m tryyying and feel hurt because you have rules.” Then you will live on this thread and tell OP and rational people like me that we are unkind. 😭

[Anonymous]

We are stricter than you on this. My 15 year old has to give us his phone at 8:30, lights out in his room at 9. We will let up over summer, but we are strict about this on school nights. Will probably push the time back every year until he goes to college.

Like others have said, though, we are more permissive in other areas. Stand your ground on the rules you establish and know that there will always be someone with light rules and stricter rules. And kids will always find a way to complain about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:News flash: not all families are going to have the same rules.

I don't take my teen's phone at night, as long as he gets up in the morning without complaint, keeps his grades up, stays engaged in activities like sports or theater, and seems to have healthy friendships.

But I'm strict in other ways that the take-the-phone parents aren't. And believe me, I hear just as much from my teen about what your teen is allowed to do, as you hear from your teen about mine having his phone at night.

Kids will selectively notice when other kids have more leeway. You just have to stick by your rules and accept that other households will do things differently.

+1

To answer OP’s question: yes, it’s too much trouble and I do not choose to make this a hill to die on.

This is the world we live in and our kids need to learn how to operate within it, tech and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

I love how parents like you show themselves - “I’m tryyying and feel hurt because you have rules.” Then you will live on this thread and tell OP and rational people like me that we are unkind. 😭

DP

She’s not implying that you’re unkind - she’s implying that you’re stupid.

The fact that you are both is purely coincidental.

[Anonymous]

My kids never fought me to keep their electronics at night, so I can't relate to either side here. There has never been any struggle about this in my house.

And I'm the night owl who watches Netflix in bed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, accepting your premise that other people are the problem.

What is your plan for how to parent your child in light of that reality?

OP is already dealing with the reality. She is setting boundaries and enforcing them. Did you read the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really frustrating OP but trust me, you aren't the only ones. Kids are like this. They'll know *one* kid who is up texting until 2 am and then complain that "everyone" gets to keep their phones in their room and "everyone" else's parents let them text whenever they want.

It's always the same. And your kid isn't even intentionally lying, their perspective is just skewed. They do this all throughout childhood and adolescents. Everyone else has treats in their lunch. Everyone else gets to watch more TV. Everyone else gets to stay home alone. Everyone else has a phone. Everyone else wears makeup. Everyone else gets to go to this party with no parents present. And on and on.

Stay strong. It's not everyone! Lots of us are holding the same lines you are.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 and 17 years old have their phones in the rooms all night. The 15 year old is never on it past 11, and the 17 year old is usually done with it around 12:30 (I can see their screen time reports). That feels reasonable to me. They’re learning to self-regulate.

12:30 on a school night?

[Anonymous]

It’s time to realize that everyone has different rules, OP. DD has a friend with extremely strict parents when it comes to cell phones and electronic rules. BUT they are totally fine with mixed gender sleepovers. We don’t let DD spend the night there. I’m sure they are judging us on our unlimited cell phone usage. We are judging them on allowing boys to sleep over and actually thinking nothing happens in those group sleepovers and everyone is just friends.

You can’t control other people.