You other parents are the problem....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really frustrating OP but trust me, you aren't the only ones. Kids are like this. They'll know *one* kid who is up texting until 2 am and then complain that "everyone" gets to keep their phones in their room and "everyone" else's parents let them text whenever they want.

It's always the same. And your kid isn't even intentionally lying, their perspective is just skewed. They do this all throughout childhood and adolescents. Everyone else has treats in their lunch. Everyone else gets to watch more TV. Everyone else gets to stay home alone. Everyone else has a phone. Everyone else wears makeup. Everyone else gets to go to this party with no parents present. And on and on.

Stay strong. It's not everyone! Lots of us are holding the same lines you are.

100 percent this. Holy crap, OP. I’d this your first teen? Because you have a lot to learn.

NP and actually, because I’m responsible and occasionally go through my 14yo’s phone (it’s mine, after all, and she knows it—she knows I check it occasionally), I see and hear text activity at 10 p.m. onward, even attempted phone calls and FT at 10 p.m. onward; and of course that says nothing of all the social media activity well into the night that we can’t see.

So OP is 100% right, and plenty of negligent, trashy parents put no limits on screens, place no importance on sleep, and simply enjoy the freedom of not having to be a responsible parent, and all the effort and awareness that entails.

I said what I said. Any parent who doesn’t put limits on screens is irresponsible, negligent, and trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m like you, op. Phones in the kitchen before bed.

But you and I may be lax on something else that the phone in bedroom kid has a more strict rule about. We aren’t demanders of clean rooms. Our kids have chores that benefit the family but their rooms can be trash holes if they want as long as it’s not food. My friend’s son got punished because his floor wasn’t clean. We just choose our own rules and you have to be okay that it may make it harder for you to enforce yours, but you stick to your guns for what is important to you.

+1.

This is the right approach. You do you. Parent the way you think is best for your kid.

And don't waste any energy thinking about (or harshly judging) other parents you don't even know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

+1. Stay strong, OP.

Yep. My teen has a parent controlled phone and will until they pay for their own phone at 18. I have seen smartphones destroy bright, healthy kids from good families. It’s so obvious to me I don’t know why anyone lets those kids have smartphones.

Agree. It’s bad for adults to keep their phone in their bedroom too. Most do bc that is the only phone they have and they actually may need to use to for emergency and off hour work purposes, but it’s not ideal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, accepting your premise that other people are the problem.

What is your plan for how to parent your child in light of that reality?

I take the phone away every night and put it in my room. And then have a 10-15 argument about why I'm the only parent who doesn't let him have his phone overnight. It's lovely!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

[Anonymous]

You'l get a lot of "not my kid, my kid would never do this" here, OP. And the answer is, yes, there are kids that would never do this (including mine), but there are just as many kids whose parents have no idea what they're doing on their phone/social media. My solution is that even though I trust my kid 100%, it's still my job to enforce safe limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, accepting your premise that other people are the problem.

What is your plan for how to parent your child in light of that reality?

I take the phone away every night and put it in my room. And then have a 10-15 argument about why I'm the only parent who doesn't let him have his phone overnight. It's lovely!!!

I would tell your kid firmly “this is our rule and it’s not changing no matter how much you beg. If you continue to argue every night then I’m locking your phone down/putting shorter hours on your social media/getting you an old phone that only calls and texts”

You’re allowing the arguments and negotiations to happen. Shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

She doesn’t need a gold star. But you sound like you could use a good cookie. Why so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

She doesn’t need a gold star. But you sound like you could use a good cookie. Why so angry?

Where do you get angry? I was trying to give her the validation that she clearly desperately craves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son could always be saying, "I need my sleep". He is choosing to offer the information that his parents are controlling him.

True. My kids have access to their devices, and I have heard them say, 'gotta go guys, I have swimming at 5 a.m." or "I'm beat, talk to you tomorrow," and shut down. But not all kids (or adults) can self-regulate, so a parent has to know their own child and set their rules for each kid with that knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

NP. You sound grouchy and unfit for civil discourse. Perhaps you need more…sleep?

[Anonymous]

I have no rules for my teen and technology other than I have access to everything and no Snapchat. She insists on going to bed at 9:30 every night and has stayed up later than that to text or Facetime ~1-2 times in the last year so idk maybe your parenting is the problem??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

OP here. This is what bothers me the most -- these kids need SLEEP, particularly if they are athletes, and we're setting them up to be using these designed-to-be-addictive devices way too late at night to ensure a solid 7+ (which is still low IMO) of sleep. Their brains aren't capable of the kind of self-regulation required to put the phone away at 10:30/11 pm. And we aren't helping them.

100%

We've been super strict about our kids getting enough sleep. Can they stay up late on weekends? Absolutely. But on school nights/sports nights, they need rest. They also recognize that they feel better on days when they are fully rested.

Congratulations. Would you prefer a cookie or a gold star?

NP. You sound grouchy and unfit for civil discourse. Perhaps you need more…sleep?

It’s wrong to congratulate and reward people for their superior parenting and loving their kids more than all the other parents? What has the world come to?!