You other parents are the problem....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really frustrating OP but trust me, you aren't the only ones. Kids are like this. They'll know *one* kid who is up texting until 2 am and then complain that "everyone" gets to keep their phones in their room and "everyone" else's parents let them text whenever they want.

It's always the same. And your kid isn't even intentionally lying, their perspective is just skewed. They do this all throughout childhood and adolescents. Everyone else has treats in their lunch. Everyone else gets to watch more TV. Everyone else gets to stay home alone. Everyone else has a phone. Everyone else wears makeup. Everyone else gets to go to this party with no parents present. And on and on.

Stay strong. It's not everyone! Lots of us are holding the same lines you are.

100 percent this. Holy crap, OP. I’d this your first teen? Because you have a lot to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 and 17 years old have their phones in the rooms all night. The 15 year old is never on it past 11, and the 17 year old is usually done with it around 12:30 (I can see their screen time reports). That feels reasonable to me. They’re learning to self-regulate.

12:30 on a school night?

Sometimes. She’s a night owl. She just graduated from high school and is heading to a great college, so she gets her stuff done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are stricter than you on this. My 15 year old has to give us his phone at 8:30, lights out in his room at 9. We will let up over summer, but we are strict about this on school nights. Will probably push the time back every year until he goes to college.

Like others have said, though, we are more permissive in other areas. Stand your ground on the rules you establish and know that there will always be someone with light rules and stricter rules. And kids will always find a way to complain about it.

Lights out at 9 for a 15 year old?!

[Anonymous]

I trust my teens. My junior has a 18 year old senior friend who has to turn her phone in at 8:30pm, that's ridiculous. She's 18, very responsible, and is looking to limit contact in August.

[Anonymous]

DP. I’m annoyed that everyone is getting their kid a phone so early. It is really not necessary, there are devices that you can use to contact your kid that are much safer than an iPhone.

We know that social media is so toxic, especially for young girls. We know that the electronics are designed to be addictive. Inappropriate content is far too easily accessible. Everyone agrees that too much a screen time is a negative.

So why we putting these devices into their hands? I wish everyone would just hold off until 11th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. I’m annoyed that everyone is getting their kid a phone so early. It is really not necessary, there are devices that you can use to contact your kid that are much safer than an iPhone.

We know that social media is so toxic, especially for young girls. We know that the electronics are designed to be addictive. Inappropriate content is far too easily accessible. Everyone agrees that too much a screen time is a negative.

So why we putting these devices into their hands? I wish everyone would just hold off until 11th grade.

Get rid of your own iPhone first, Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, accepting your premise that other people are the problem.

What is your plan for how to parent your child in light of that reality?

Are you really that dull? She IS parenting her child. She's just venting about the flack we all get listening to our kids complain because their friends parents are too permissive. Doesn't mean we're going to cave. Good Lord.

Thanks or the insult.

I can be more explicit. Sure, venting is fine. But let me offer a different approach to parenting (and life).

One lesson I like to model for my kids is that not everybody is going to feel the same way or behave the same way as them and they only get to control themselves. IT is wasted energy to complain about other people. The environment is what it is. And we need to learn to adapt and live our values within it.

Another lesson I like to model to my kids is self-regulation and connection. My son does indeed have controls on certain social media apps that limit use. He has his phone all the time though. This allows him to stay connected and yes talk to his friends in the wee hours of the night if he wants to (like we all did decades ago on a landline phone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Wait, am I tracking that the assertion here is that because I don't have the same specific rule about this specific thing as you, I therefore do not care about keeping my kid safe healthy and engaged with the world?

Troll

What does this even mean?

[Anonymous]

How old are you talking about? I didn't let my kid keep his phone in his room at age 14/15 but I did by age 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, accepting your premise that other people are the problem.

What is your plan for how to parent your child in light of that reality?

Are you really that dull? She IS parenting her child. She's just venting about the flack we all get listening to our kids complain because their friends parents are too permissive. Doesn't mean we're going to cave. Good Lord.

Thanks or the insult.

I can be more explicit. Sure, venting is fine. But let me offer a different approach to parenting (and life).

One lesson I like to model for my kids is that not everybody is going to feel the same way or behave the same way as them and they only get to control themselves. IT is wasted energy to complain about other people. The environment is what it is. And we need to learn to adapt and live our values within it.

Another lesson I like to model to my kids is self-regulation and connection. My son does indeed have controls on certain social media apps that limit use. He has his phone all the time though. This allows him to stay connected and yes talk to his friends in the wee hours of the night if he wants to (like we all did decades ago on a landline phone.)

Venting is fine, but preaching is better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

There's a shocking overlap between the parents who were hyper vigilant about the danger of food ingredients/dye when their kids are younger who then also allow phones in bedrooms overnight. It's bizarre. I think a venn diagram to include parents who buy their teens alcohol would show substantial overlap as well.

NP and while I haven’t noticed this, I have noticed that parents of tweens and teens truly don’t seem to grasp that their children need good sleep now as much as they did when they were very young. Tween and teen brain development is strongly linked to sleep health, and it’s wild to me that parents don’t guide their kids to make good, healthy sleep habits.

My 13-year-olds phone goes in my room when she comes up to take a shower at 8 p.m., and it doesn’t go back in her hand until the next day. That will not change until she is out of my house. (Nights where she has an activity, social plans, or a sleepover are different, of course.) She has plenty of social time and screen time, and the evenings are protected, especially school nights.

[Anonymous]

I’m like you, op. Phones in the kitchen before bed.

But you and I may be lax on something else that the phone in bedroom kid has a more strict rule about. We aren’t demanders of clean rooms. Our kids have chores that benefit the family but their rooms can be trash holes if they want as long as it’s not food. My friend’s son got punished because his floor wasn’t clean. We just choose our own rules and you have to be okay that it may make it harder for you to enforce yours, but you stick to your guns for what is important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:11:30 is very generous. Good for you, OP.

Those of us who care about keeping our kids healthy, safe and engaged with the world are setting and reinforcing boundaries.

+1. Stay strong, OP.

Yep. My teen has a parent controlled phone and will until they pay for their own phone at 18. I have seen smartphones destroy bright, healthy kids from good families. It’s so obvious to me I don’t know why anyone lets those kids have smartphones.