Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.

I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.

It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.

What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?

I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.

There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.

There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.

Wow! I feel sorry for you.

Just so you feel better - Women no longer want marriage and kids. There is a reason that birthrates are falling all over the world. Women no longer want sex and men either. It's not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.

I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.

It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.

What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?

I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.

There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.

There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.

I get what you're saying, but look at it from a woman's perspective. Before kids, a man spends time on her, takes her out, entertains etc. After kids, suddenly the man disappears, leaving the woman with kids and pets all for her to take care of. In the rare moments that the man shows up, instead of helping, he lines up to get some attention from the woman as well. The woman has already spent the day catering to the kids and pets, as they all want to eat, be entertained and taken care of. The woman feels as if she's an indentured servant whose job for the next 20 years is to do what anybody else in the household wants/needs, and not managing to do anything that SHE wants, as the time and money is not unlimited. As the time goes on, resentment builds. I for example have been married 20+ years with a dead bedroom AND my DH thinks once the last kid leaves for college, I'll start catering to HIM, including cooking, cleaning and s*x. He doesn't understand AT ALL that my life has bee unfulfilling for the past 20 years, that I've put my own desires on the backburner to be a good mother, and that I don't give a f*k about what he wants. Once the last kid has launched, I intend to do WHAT I WANT. After being selfish for 20+ years, there's literally nothing my DH could do that would turn me on, but he has no idea, because he literally doesn't see anything wrong. It's OK in his opinion that a woman spends her life catering to others, in fact he'd prefer it.

This response to my post definitely demonstrated my statement about it being a “subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate”.

I think that in good marriages, the spouses don’t lose themselves to being super-parents. If you want to have any marriage left after the kids leave for college you have to be a loving spouse first and be focused on hearing and meeting each other’s needs whether those needs are financial stability, household duty split, conversation, staying attractive or sex. Both spouses need to do this. Your marriage is actually the foundation of your childrens wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.

I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.

It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.

What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?

I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.

There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.

There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.

I get what you're saying, but look at it from a woman's perspective. Before kids, a man spends time on her, takes her out, entertains etc. After kids, suddenly the man disappears, leaving the woman with kids and pets all for her to take care of. In the rare moments that the man shows up, instead of helping, he lines up to get some attention from the woman as well. The woman has already spent the day catering to the kids and pets, as they all want to eat, be entertained and taken care of. The woman feels as if she's an indentured servant whose job for the next 20 years is to do what anybody else in the household wants/needs, and not managing to do anything that SHE wants, as the time and money is not unlimited. As the time goes on, resentment builds. I for example have been married 20+ years with a dead bedroom AND my DH thinks once the last kid leaves for college, I'll start catering to HIM, including cooking, cleaning and s*x. He doesn't understand AT ALL that my life has bee unfulfilling for the past 20 years, that I've put my own desires on the backburner to be a good mother, and that I don't give a f*k about what he wants. Once the last kid has launched, I intend to do WHAT I WANT. After being selfish for 20+ years, there's literally nothing my DH could do that would turn me on, but he has no idea, because he literally doesn't see anything wrong. It's OK in his opinion that a woman spends her life catering to others, in fact he'd prefer it.

This response to my post definitely demonstrated my statement about it being a “subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate”.

I think that in good marriages, the spouses don’t lose themselves to being super-parents. If you want to have any marriage left after the kids leave for college you have to be a loving spouse first and be focused on hearing and meeting each other’s needs whether those needs are financial stability, household duty split, conversation, staying attractive or sex. Both spouses need to do this. Your marriage is actually the foundation of your childrens wellbeing.

Where is the line between being a good parent, and a "super parent"?

[Anonymous]

Yoni massage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like a massage and a foot rub and a slow approach. Don't jump on me like horn dog humping me.

This. I’m married, but I am pretty much never just turned on walking around. I have to actually be touched to get turned on.

Something is wrong with you

[Anonymous]

Op, you came to the wrong place for advice. Many of the women on this board are exhausting and have had failed marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I have sex with my husband and he’s not terribly romantic. He doesn’t plan dates. He doesn’t buy me presents. He does a fair share of housework but I do work full time and I’m pretty tired a lot of the time.

I have higher than normal testosterone and I think it has just made me more like a man. I’ll be walking around minding my business and I’ll start thinking about sex and then I’ll want to have sex. And the only person I’m allowed to have sex with is my husband. Or I’ll read something that makes me think of sex and then I’ll want to have sex. So I’ll initiate with him. Because I initiate so often he’s kind of picky. The person who wants sex less chooses when it happens, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.

That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.

That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.

Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.

Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like a massage and a foot rub and a slow approach. Don't jump on me like horn dog humping me.

This. I’m married, but I am pretty much never just turned on walking around. I have to actually be touched to get turned on.

Something is wrong with you

I think a lot of women need some kind of physical touch to get physiologically aroused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here, I am pretty much always ready to go. This is definitely not the case for my partner. (who is amazing).

Whenever I see an attractive woman, particularly in revealing clothes, my mind immediately goes to sex. It's just how my brain is wired! I think most guys are this way.

I've never been able to figure out what gets women turned on indpendently. What makes you horny?

Most interested in responses from women in 40s!

🤢 🤮

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.

That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.

Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.

Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.

If it’s so much fun, why don’t men do it? Why do people hire it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

Yes, amen. I do literally all of this, and I'm tired of it.

Plus, the lack of initiative or opinions from my DH saps my desire. I'd be much more turned on by, "Let's go to [restaurant] on Friday. I'll make a reservation. And how about a drink first at [bar]?" It has been YEARS since my husband has made a plan.

That would be so amazing!
I have an acquaintance (kids friends mom) who dropped that she and her husband were going alone for a long weekend. “Where are you going?” “Somewhere in Mexico.” “You’re leaving in two days and you don’t know where you’re going?” “Some resort I guess. My husband books these things. I’m just along for the ride. It always ends up being fun.” I was so freaking envious I could have thrown something.

Why? What is the big deal about planning a trip? That’s the most fun part.

Some of you just want to be pissed off at your husbands.

If it’s so much fun, why don’t men do it? Why do people hire it out?

My husband doesn’t do planning for trips. He doesn’t plan fun dates. He doesn’t give me gifts.

But he makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning. He takes care of the cars, he takes care of the dog, he takes care of the trash. He does other chores too.

In other words he does his share. But if I waited until he planned a trip or did something “romantic” we would never have sex again.