Q to the ladies: What gets you turned on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Same here. My sex drive is still pretty high in my mid-50s. These things work ^

[Anonymous]

This thread is interesting.

I’m a straight guy so have no input.

But the OP started with “I get wood at a woman in revealing clothes” and the responses from women are about confidence and chores.

Neither of which you will get by seeing someone walking down the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting.

I’m a straight guy so have no input.

But the OP started with “I get wood at a woman in revealing clothes” and the responses from women are about confidence and chores.

Neither of which you will get by seeing someone walking down the street.

Right - because women are so different from men, which is what we are all trying to tell you. I’m a late 40s woman. My girlfriends joke that I’m like a dude because I go nuts for muscular men (many of them have lovely boyfriends with a little squish to them - physical appearance just isn’t their #1 criteria)… and even so, I don’t get horny when I see a well built man, I just get interested to know if he can bring it. He still needs to make me feel seen and touch me / warm me up to turn me on - I don’t want to climb on just because he’s built.

[Anonymous]

🎤💦🥰

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting.

I’m a straight guy so have no input.

But the OP started with “I get wood at a woman in revealing clothes” and the responses from women are about confidence and chores.

Neither of which you will get by seeing someone walking down the street.

Yep, the women are telling you that it's a turn on if YOU are wanted, not a random person walking down the street. If someone gets wood at whomever has something revealing on, then for another woman it's NOT a turn on, as it's very likely you'll find someone else with revealing clothes 15 minutes from now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.

I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.

It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.

What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?

I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.

There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.

There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.

I get what you're saying, but look at it from a woman's perspective. Before kids, a man spends time on her, takes her out, entertains etc. After kids, suddenly the man disappears, leaving the woman with kids and pets all for her to take care of. In the rare moments that the man shows up, instead of helping, he lines up to get some attention from the woman as well. The woman has already spent the day catering to the kids and pets, as they all want to eat, be entertained and taken care of. The woman feels as if she's an indentured servant whose job for the next 20 years is to do what anybody else in the household wants/needs, and not managing to do anything that SHE wants, as the time and money is not unlimited. As the time goes on, resentment builds. I for example have been married 20+ years with a dead bedroom AND my DH thinks once the last kid leaves for college, I'll start catering to HIM, including cooking, cleaning and s*x. He doesn't understand AT ALL that my life has bee unfulfilling for the past 20 years, that I've put my own desires on the backburner to be a good mother, and that I don't give a f*k about what he wants. Once the last kid has launched, I intend to do WHAT I WANT. After being selfish for 20+ years, there's literally nothing my DH could do that would turn me on, but he has no idea, because he literally doesn't see anything wrong. It's OK in his opinion that a woman spends her life catering to others, in fact he'd prefer it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:52 woman here. Good body, very confident, masculine. Take charge.

Take charge of life generally. Look around at what needs to be done and take care of it. Make the dinner reservations, book the babysitter, make the meal plan and order the groceries. Notice the sheets need changing and take care of that. Book the vacation for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Choreplay is king. Do some chores so that I am not tired and resentful of you when we get in bed. If I am I not cussing you out in my mind you have a better chance of getting laid.

I think that some men think this means that women literally get aroused by watching men do chores.

It’s more like having the chores done means that I can get into a headspace to get aroused if we start kissing and touching.

What if the guy always did his share of the chores? Would the woman's libido always be high(er)?

I have been married twice, and lived with another woman. I always split the chores in a mutually agreed upon way. I never noticed any correlation between completing a household task and my partner's horniness.

There might be a correlation but not the one you see. They were probably wiped out re-doing tasks you couldn't do right the first time.

There’s no winning once you’re married and have kids. She’s gotten what she wanted to accomplish out of you (wedding and kids). Now resentment builds and there’s no answer you can offer as a man that’s the right one. Young kids are hard and she resents you for it. She sure as hell doesn’t want you experiencing any pleasure in life. Its a subtle, unspoken and passive feeling that ranges from indifference to hate.

I get what you're saying, but look at it from a woman's perspective. Before kids, a man spends time on her, takes her out, entertains etc. After kids, suddenly the man disappears, leaving the woman with kids and pets all for her to take care of. In the rare moments that the man shows up, instead of helping, he lines up to get some attention from the woman as well. The woman has already spent the day catering to the kids and pets, as they all want to eat, be entertained and taken care of. The woman feels as if she's an indentured servant whose job for the next 20 years is to do what anybody else in the household wants/needs, and not managing to do anything that SHE wants, as the time and money is not unlimited. As the time goes on, resentment builds. I for example have been married 20+ years with a dead bedroom AND my DH thinks once the last kid leaves for college, I'll start catering to HIM, including cooking, cleaning and s*x. He doesn't understand AT ALL that my life has bee unfulfilling for the past 20 years, that I've put my own desires on the backburner to be a good mother, and that I don't give a f*k about what he wants. Once the last kid has launched, I intend to do WHAT I WANT. After being selfish for 20+ years, there's literally nothing my DH could do that would turn me on, but he has no idea, because he literally doesn't see anything wrong. It's OK in his opinion that a woman spends her life catering to others, in fact he'd prefer it.

+1

She wanted a bona fide partner, not another person to take care of. If resentment sets in, it's because she is doing the lion's share of the work on her own.

[Anonymous]

+1

She wanted a bona fide partner, not another person to take care of. If resentment sets in, it's because she is doing the lion's share of the work on her own.

Or thinks she does…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1

She wanted a bona fide partner, not another person to take care of. If resentment sets in, it's because she is doing the lion's share of the work on her own.

Or thinks she does…

Well, multiple studies tell us that she does, in fact, do the lion's share of the work on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting.

I’m a straight guy so have no input.

But the OP started with “I get wood at a woman in revealing clothes” and the responses from women are about confidence and chores.

Neither of which you will get by seeing someone walking down the street.

Ha! As a woman, it seems so odd to me to think of getting physically aroused just by looking at someone who isn’t doing anything sexual and without being touched.

It’s like if you asked me what kind of exercise I see people doing in the street that gets me a good workout. I’m going to answer with a) what gets me in the mood to exercise and b) the specific exercise I like. Because the question, as asked, makes no sense to me. Watching other people exercise doesn’t get me a workout.

[Anonymous]

I seem to be in the minority here but I seem to be highly controlled by my cycle. I'm very frisky around the time of ovulation, and it takes a LOT more work the 2nd half of my cycle. Doesnt bode well for menopause..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men who have excellent posture. Think Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Men who are kind when nobody's watching them. Men who have control over their emotions. Men who can cook (and know part of cooking is cleaning up afterwards).

Yeahhh I don’t think that is what Op is talking about.

I think that women have to be a little more deliberate about stoking the fires. I just started dating after a long break and am basically ready to go 24/7 because I’m thinking about it all the time.

And obviously you have to be a good lover to make her want you. If she’s not going to come, why would she be eager?

For me after the initial intensity wears off, it also makes a big difference to wait longer periods of time (like 3-5-7 days) so I’m really ready for it. If you’re going to whine and cry that you need it every day, then you are going to miss on on the times she most wants to do it - and she’s not going to have orgasms and not want sex much.

Getting in touch with your own sex drive is essential - the types of touch and fantasy and what works. If she won’t do this there’s not much hope. conversely if you whine about what works for her being “too vanilla” then you will strike out again and lose her.

Finally I discovered that I personally prefer a submissive partner. Let me tell you when and maybe how we are going to have sex - and you’re going to like what you get I’m not really into the formal BDSM scene or whatever (not interested in tying up or spanking) but the subtle shift when I was with a submissive man and was able to call the shots was really gratifying in the end. I think as a woman I subconsciously experienced pressure and fear with traditional gender roles and that dampens the sex drive for a woman. So when I was in a relationship where sex was on my terms … much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you can eat breadsticks at the Olive Garden. All women want this.

^^truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is interesting.

I’m a straight guy so have no input.

But the OP started with “I get wood at a woman in revealing clothes” and the responses from women are about confidence and chores.

Neither of which you will get by seeing someone walking down the street.

Interesting indeed!

I am a woman with a very high libido, and I have never been turned on solely by a man's physical appearance. Looks/dress would make me give a guy a second look, but in order for me to be sexually turned on, there would have to be a behavior that portrays confidence, strength, charisma, or kindness/empathy. It could be in their calming voice, speech pattern, walk, movement of hands, etc. No matter how handsome/ sexy a man is, there is no sexual attraction if he is well dressed, well groomed and standing still or sleeping. Nope. I need some behavior that portrays certain personality traits.