If DH just informed wants divorce…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, if he takes them he can enroll them in school and claim that is their state of residence and you either have to move or give up custody.

This. My ex-SIL tried to do this to my brother. He didn't want a divorce, but we urged him to get a lawyer and he filed first to keep them in state.

I would consider this pronto. Do not let them travel out of state for any circumstances.

OP did not say her husband intended for the children to be enrolled in school at his new address. Where are you getting that from other than fantasy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, if he takes them he can enroll them in school and claim that is their state of residence and you either have to move or give up custody.

This. My ex-SIL tried to do this to my brother. He didn't want a divorce, but we urged him to get a lawyer and he filed first to keep them in state.

I would consider this pronto. Do not let them travel out of state for any circumstances.

OP did not say her husband intended for the children to be enrolled in school at his new address. Where are you getting that from other than fantasy?

He didn’t say much PP.
Given his new major news- decided to divorce, decided to relocate, his change in behavior, why would you assume anything not self serving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is agreeing that the children will live where they live now and visit him during summer/school breaks for an extended period of time. I would try to get that in writing as soon as possible so that you have some kind of custody agreement to work with. I would plan for him to be taking them on one of those vacations this summer, possibly a month from now, and consider this as a "plan you are making" rather than an "emotional betrayal you are experiencing."

He sounds cold and organized, which is helpful because you can be cold and organized too. Have your feelings on your own time.

Who’s the default parent?

You don’t take kids that young away for such a long period of time.

Default is one week max and you can each prohibit international travel or require approval and safety measures.

Lol there is no such thing as a "default parent."

Speaking of Lol…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

And I would prosecute you for kidnapping or custodial interference.

Agree, and I'm the PP who mentioned the involvement of federal law enforcement RE: committing this crime across state lines. I'm shocked at the posters who mock and act as if the courts are ambivalent to this sort of crime. https://www.usmarshals.gov/news/press-release/us-marshals-apprehend-woman-child-abduction. It doesn't matter how much of a dirtbag spouse you might be, the courts do not countenance the kidnapping of your children as an acceptable remedy. As a man, it doesn't matter if you've fkked every secretary in your company and every stripper in the DMV. You still might be an outstanding father and the courts recognize this.

Since the father is legally entitled to take the children on a vacation with him, and legally has custody of them, he is not "kidnapping" them. So now you think it's a crime for a father to take his kids on a vacation for a few weeks in the summer? Ok nutty person.

Super, let’s see the separation custody agreement doc they both negotiated and signed.

[Anonymous]

Learn your rights OP. Then stick up for them and for whatever children’s rights seem to be left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can jointly hire a mediator who will write up a parenting agreement. How your DH responds and how that process goes will likely indicate how you can move forward.

Yes, you must have an agreement immediately about who’s going anywhere in the summer with the kids.
And that you have joint custody and limit the time that they can be out of state immediately in writing and signed before traveling anywhere with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, if he takes them he can enroll them in school and claim that is their state of residence and you either have to move or give up custody.

This. My ex-SIL tried to do this to my brother. He didn't want a divorce, but we urged him to get a lawyer and he filed first to keep them in state.

I would consider this pronto. Do not let them travel out of state for any circumstances.

OP did not say her husband intended for the children to be enrolled in school at his new address. Where are you getting that from other than fantasy?

The lawyer will smoke this out fast. No worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

And I would prosecute you for kidnapping or custodial interference.

You can’t prosecute anyone. Are you a district attorney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, if he takes them he can enroll them in school and claim that is their state of residence and you either have to move or give up custody.

This. My ex-SIL tried to do this to my brother. He didn't want a divorce, but we urged him to get a lawyer and he filed first to keep them in state.

I would consider this pronto. Do not let them travel out of state for any circumstances.

OP did not say her husband intended for the children to be enrolled in school at his new address. Where are you getting that from other than fantasy?

I didn’t say that. If he moves (which OP said he planned to do!) and files, the divorce will occur in that state.

Why are you trying to dissuade OP from filing ASAP if she wants to protect her kids? Stay in your lane…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

And I would prosecute you for kidnapping or custodial interference.

You can’t prosecute anyone. Are you a district attorney?

Different poster, but it spoken colloquially, obviously.

"Provide sufficient actionable evidence to the district attorney's office to warrant investigation, indictment, and prosecution." Do you understand now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

And I would prosecute you for kidnapping or custodial interference.

Excellent advice for Op.

How should she handle his current threat to take the kids all summer for an undefined and indefinite amount of time?

She should threaten to prosecute him for kidnapping or custodial interference.

Duh.

Talk about your empty threats. Unless she is an officer of the law, she isn’t prosecuting anyone.

Do you even fathom how monumentally stupid you sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is agreeing that the children will live where they live now and visit him during summer/school breaks for an extended period of time. I would try to get that in writing as soon as possible so that you have some kind of custody agreement to work with. I would plan for him to be taking them on one of those vacations this summer, possibly a month from now, and consider this as a "plan you are making" rather than an "emotional betrayal you are experiencing."

He sounds cold and organized, which is helpful because you can be cold and organized too. Have your feelings on your own time.

Who’s the default parent?

You don’t take kids that young away for such a long period of time.

Default is one week max and you can each prohibit international travel or require approval and safety measures.

Maybe that is what you are comfortable with. That's up to OP and her lawyer and her STBX and his lawyer to negotiate. I don't think that 4 and 7 are too young to spend a few weeks with their dad over the summer. I think that their lives are already being upended by the divorce, which doesn't sound negotiable, and that establishing the best, normalest relationship with their dad is important. OP can ask for child support to mitigate increased childcare costs, and you are certainly welcome to disagree with me about the ages.

It is a good general idea to get consent before travel with children, from both parents. International travel requires approval, and it would be smart to have a notarized letter approving the travel, every time. But realistically speaking, I don't think there is any reason to assume the kids cannot handle spending several weeks with their dad. It sounds like one way or another, they will be spending a lot of time without one of their parents, since OP's husband has decided that he wants a divorce.

o




+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

And I would prosecute you for kidnapping or custodial interference.

Excellent advice for Op.

How should she handle his current threat to take the kids all summer for an undefined and indefinite amount of time?

She should threaten to prosecute him for kidnapping or custodial interference.

Duh.

Talk about your empty threats. Unless she is an officer of the law, she isn’t prosecuting anyone.

Do you even fathom how monumentally stupid you sound?

Nothing worse than a pedant.

Obviously she means "press charges".

[Anonymous]

Filing first locks in your state as the jurisdiction where the divorce will take place and your kid's home state. It also means you can then file a motion for a temporary order. The motion can say he is allowed to travel with them for the summer, but you can put dates in it for when he will bring them back, and if he violates them, he's in violation of a court order. If he's genuinely planning on bringing them back, this won't be a problem for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry I do not have any advice for you but I just wanted to express my full sympathy for your situation.

I guess it depends on your state, but I don’t think he can legally take your two children to another state w/o your explicit consent.

In my state, unless you have a custody order that prevents moving the kids, there's an assumption that a parent has custody and can travel with their kids. So, you want to file that emergency custody order that specifically states that the kids can't travel or can't travel for more than a certain number of days. That should be the first thing your attorney addresses.

This. You need to.file immediately or he could force proceedings in his new state.

+1 to this. Consult with a lawyer, but he very likely has the right to take the kids wherever he wants if there's nothing in place to forbid him to do so.

This is the premise of Marriage Story.