If DH just informed wants divorce…

[Anonymous]

Please find the best attorney you can - where are you located? (it matters for recommendations)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

What’s the issue?

Kids need nice summer break?
Or you are the default parent to a SN kid?
Parent rights and family law says so?
You hate who’s divorcing you?
Punish them all?
Community ego and image?
Provide more high quality attention and teaching to your kids than others?

PP said "take the kids and disappear". If you don't understand the issue, not quite sure how to help you. Anyone that would "take my kids and disappear" is a hostile actor. It's an act of war. My response was to that PP, not OP.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is agreeing that the children will live where they live now and visit him during summer/school breaks for an extended period of time. I would try to get that in writing as soon as possible so that you have some kind of custody agreement to work with. I would plan for him to be taking them on one of those vacations this summer, possibly a month from now, and consider this as a "plan you are making" rather than an "emotional betrayal you are experiencing."

He sounds cold and organized, which is helpful because you can be cold and organized too. Have your feelings on your own time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

Good luck with that. Courts don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you need is to book a consultation with an attorney ASAP who will advise you about summer travel and custody consequences. And then you can decide whether to hire them, and what to do. But you need legal counsel now before your kids get out of school.

Stay calm and don't react emotionally, OP. Keep your eye on the prize - which is fair custody time and as much money as you can get. Don't forget college costs. UMD/UVA are 40K a year and some private unis are 90-100K a year now.

The default nowadays is 50/50 parenting time and equal split of marital assets. Unless OP thinks Dad is an unfit parent, that's how it's going to go down. The only question is whether or not you are going to mindlessly spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on counsel fees and years in court to end up in exactly the same place. Think with your logical brain, not with your emotions. If the family has established permanent residency in your state, your home is still the family home regardless of what your husband tried to do. He did not tell you he is going to establish residency for the children in another state. Don't let people here inflame your emotions even further with pure speculation and demonizing your husband. If he has been a good and equal parent for your children up to now, then he will do what is in their best interests. If he has not been, do you seriously think he is going to want to keep and take care of young children for a u length of time as a single parent? Of course not. He will tire of it within a couple of weeks and beg you to take the kids back. Nothing you have posted indicates he is a diabolical fiend. Again think with your brain.

All we know about this guy is he is ALREADY trying to do 2 things against their best interests, break up their family and move out of state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

What’s the issue?

Kids need nice summer break?
Or you are the default parent to a SN kid?
Parent rights and family law says so?
You hate who’s divorcing you?
Punish them all?
Community ego and image?
Provide more high quality attention and teaching to your kids than others?

PP said "take the kids and disappear". If you don't understand the issue, not quite sure how to help you. Anyone that would "take my kids and disappear" is a hostile actor. It's an act of war. My response was to that PP, not OP.

Why did that poster say that? Say “take the kids and disappear”??? Was there a threat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

Good luck with that. Courts don’t care.

Courts definitely can be guided to care. Get better lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

What’s the issue?

Kids need nice summer break?
Or you are the default parent to a SN kid?
Parent rights and family law says so?
You hate who’s divorcing you?
Punish them all?
Community ego and image?
Provide more high quality attention and teaching to your kids than others?

PP said "take the kids and disappear". If you don't understand the issue, not quite sure how to help you. Anyone that would "take my kids and disappear" is a hostile actor. It's an act of war. My response was to that PP, not OP.

Why did that poster say that? Say “take the kids and disappear”??? Was there a threat?

Who knows. Unhinged lady magic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is agreeing that the children will live where they live now and visit him during summer/school breaks for an extended period of time. I would try to get that in writing as soon as possible so that you have some kind of custody agreement to work with. I would plan for him to be taking them on one of those vacations this summer, possibly a month from now, and consider this as a "plan you are making" rather than an "emotional betrayal you are experiencing."

He sounds cold and organized, which is helpful because you can be cold and organized too. Have your feelings on your own time.

Who’s the default parent?

You don’t take kids that young away for such a long period of time.

Default is one week max and you can each prohibit international travel or require approval and safety measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would take the kids and disappear.

As a husband and father, I would use every available resource to put the U.S. Marshalls on your ass. If it's across state lines I will be pursuing felony kidnapping. I will go to the ends of the soon-to-be-scorched earth to address this issue.

When women (or men) say things like PP they seem ignorant of the crimes involved and the resources available to a motivated spouse. Use the court system and abide by the law. If you need to protect yourself then get an immediate short-term protective order and then file with the court for a long-term protective order (supported by evidence) while the divorce is deliberated in court.

What’s the issue?

Kids need nice summer break?
Or you are the default parent to a SN kid?
Parent rights and family law says so?
You hate who’s divorcing you?
Punish them all?
Community ego and image?
Provide more high quality attention and teaching to your kids than others?

PP said "take the kids and disappear". If you don't understand the issue, not quite sure how to help you. Anyone that would "take my kids and disappear" is a hostile actor. It's an act of war. My response was to that PP, not OP.

Why did that poster say that? Say “take the kids and disappear”??? Was there a threat?

Yes there is a threat and likely bullying to get Op to agree to the below — which she should not agree to:

op asked for advice since her husband announced that he is divorcing, moving to another state, and wants to take the 4 & 7 yo with him for the whole summer.

One person suggested taking the kids and disappearing (before the STBX does the same).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What will happen with child custody this summer with our 2 young kids (7 and 4)? DH has not filed yet. We are both finding attorneys. He plans to move out of state and wants to take them with him for a long period this summer. Sounds crazy to me and not good for our kids.

What will happen and what do I need to do?

(Yes, I am finding an attorney and googling around, but if anyone has experience with this I’d appreciate your feedback. Thanks.)

Absolutely unacceptable to take the kids away in this situation unless there is a serious safety concern or protective order.

Do not agree with this whatsoever ever.

Yes he can move away, as many states as he wishes.
no, he cannot take the kids.

[Anonymous]

Take them where? Grandmas house?

[Anonymous]

He can’t take them out of state without your permission. You both have joint physical custody of the kids, and in the absence of a court order to the contrary, one parent cannot assume sole physical custody of the kids without the consent of the other. Get yourself an attorney asap and absolutely do not consent to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he is agreeing that the children will live where they live now and visit him during summer/school breaks for an extended period of time. I would try to get that in writing as soon as possible so that you have some kind of custody agreement to work with. I would plan for him to be taking them on one of those vacations this summer, possibly a month from now, and consider this as a "plan you are making" rather than an "emotional betrayal you are experiencing."

He sounds cold and organized, which is helpful because you can be cold and organized too. Have your feelings on your own time.

Who’s the default parent?

You don’t take kids that young away for such a long period of time.

Default is one week max and you can each prohibit international travel or require approval and safety measures.

Maybe that is what you are comfortable with. That's up to OP and her lawyer and her STBX and his lawyer to negotiate. I don't think that 4 and 7 are too young to spend a few weeks with their dad over the summer. I think that their lives are already being upended by the divorce, which doesn't sound negotiable, and that establishing the best, normalest relationship with their dad is important. OP can ask for child support to mitigate increased childcare costs, and you are certainly welcome to disagree with me about the ages.

It is a good general idea to get consent before travel with children, from both parents. International travel requires approval, and it would be smart to have a notarized letter approving the travel, every time. But realistically speaking, I don't think there is any reason to assume the kids cannot handle spending several weeks with their dad. It sounds like one way or another, they will be spending a lot of time without one of their parents, since OP's husband has decided that he wants a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will happen with child custody this summer with our 2 young kids (7 and 4)? DH has not filed yet. We are both finding attorneys. He plans to move out of state and wants to take them with him for a long period this summer. Sounds crazy to me and not good for our kids.

What will happen and what do I need to do?

(Yes, I am finding an attorney and googling around, but if anyone has experience with this I’d appreciate your feedback. Thanks.)

Absolutely unacceptable to take the kids away in this situation unless there is a serious safety concern or protective order.

Do not agree with this whatsoever ever.

Yes he can move away, as many states as he wishes.
no, he cannot take the kids.

It is called "a custody arrangement" and many of them do, in fact, include children spending time with a non-custodial parent out of state.

I think everyone needs to calm down. The guy is literally proposing a custody agreement, not a kidnapping scheme.