Mother's Day: Am I the a@@hole?

[Anonymous]

NTA.
Your husband is one though.

[Anonymous]

Look at all the triggered MILs on this thread. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Simple solution, OP.
Take yourself off to a nice hotel. Your husband can play host at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

It's pretty sad to be sitting in a hotel room alone eating alone. I guess if you've never done it maybe it seems amazing but it's really not.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is being a jerk.

I’m sorry.

I think it’s time you start doing the same for him. When Father’s Day comes around, ask him what he wants, pretend to care, then do the opposite.

I’m so sick of men doing less than the bare minimum. The bar is in hell. He expects you to cater to him on Morher’s day? What next? Does he want you to buy him a present on your birthday too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him, sure, his mom can stay an extra night. But you're going to give her a big hug on Saturday evening, say goodbye and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again next week, and explain that for Mother's Day, you are seizing the rare opportunity to not have to get out of bed in a rush on Sunday.

Then he is going to get up, take his mom and the kids to brunch, come back and help her load her suitcase in the car, and send her on her way with a bouquet of flowers. Then he's going to come in, strip her bed, and wash/dry/fold/store the sheets and towels.

After/during which the laundry festival, he can take the kids out again. You will be on the sofa with the remote.

This is still super sad. She doesn’t get to spend with her family on Mother’s Day. She was looking forward to going on a nature walk with the kids. Instead she gets to wait around as the husband cleans up after ignoring her needs.

That’s depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is being a jerk.

I’m sorry.

I think it’s time you start doing the same for him. When Father’s Day comes around, ask him what he wants, pretend to care, then do the opposite.

I’m so sick of men doing less than the bare minimum. The bar is in hell. He expects you to cater to him on Morher’s day? What next? Does he want you to buy him a present on your birthday too?

DH isn't asking OP to do anything. OP can do nothing; OP is the person deciding she needs to do something:

He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

OP can decide to do nothing with or without MIL staying over Saturday night. OP does not need to cater to anyone. Her DH and MIL are adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him, sure, his mom can stay an extra night. But you're going to give her a big hug on Saturday evening, say goodbye and tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again next week, and explain that for Mother's Day, you are seizing the rare opportunity to not have to get out of bed in a rush on Sunday.

Then he is going to get up, take his mom and the kids to brunch, come back and help her load her suitcase in the car, and send her on her way with a bouquet of flowers. Then he's going to come in, strip her bed, and wash/dry/fold/store the sheets and towels.

After/during which the laundry festival, he can take the kids out again. You will be on the sofa with the remote.

This is still super sad. She doesn’t get to spend with her family on Mother’s Day. She was looking forward to going on a nature walk with the kids. Instead she gets to wait around as the husband cleans up after ignoring her needs.

That’s depressing.

Half the people in here are suggesting she just go sit in a hotel room and watch TV. OP just needs to be more clear because the only thing she doesn't really want to do is be around her MIL so she needs to to just say it point blank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

This is a completely different situation, and I say that as someone who has traveled for work a lot. If you can't imagine the difference then I'm not sure how to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

It's pretty sad to be sitting in a hotel room alone eating alone. I guess if you've never done it maybe it seems amazing but it's really not.

To YOU, maybe. Also, you were on a WORK trip. Do you truly lack any imagination? You must be a blast to be married to.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a communication problem. Your idea of nothing and his are very different. It doesn't sound like he intentionally is trying to piss you off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Book yourself into a hotel. Bring books, order room service.

Do people really want to do this? I spent a lot of nights alone in a hotel room ordering room service when I was a consultant. It's a pretty miserable life. I wouldn't choose to do that now to get away from my family.

Yes. Most of us don't travel all the time. Of course I want a night away from cooking, laundry, whining, dog walking, etc. etc. etc. Just one night. Obviously it must get boring if you do it all the time but you realize it's a treat for most of us? I can't believe some of you can't see past your own experiences.

It's pretty sad to be sitting in a hotel room alone eating alone. I guess if you've never done it maybe it seems amazing but it's really not.

To YOU, maybe. Also, you were on a WORK trip. Do you truly lack any imagination? You must be a blast to be married to.

Says the person who thinks a party of 1 in a hotel room is a good time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a communication problem. Your idea of nothing and his are very different. It doesn't sound like he intentionally is trying to piss you off.

She said she wants to do nothing and he thought fine.... mom can come and I'll do all the work and wife is doing nothing so what's the issue? He's not asking her to do anything so he can't figure out the issue if she can't communicate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is being a jerk.

I’m sorry.

I think it’s time you start doing the same for him. When Father’s Day comes around, ask him what he wants, pretend to care, then do the opposite.

I’m so sick of men doing less than the bare minimum. The bar is in hell. He expects you to cater to him on Morher’s day? What next? Does he want you to buy him a present on your birthday too?

DH isn't asking OP to do anything. OP can do nothing; OP is the person deciding she needs to do something:

He told me he can't understand why having his mother there is any sort of extra imposition and I could "just do what I wanted" anyway...Which is not how it works with a MIL as a houseguest even if she is nice.

OP can decide to do nothing with or without MIL staying over Saturday night. OP does not need to cater to anyone. Her DH and MIL are adults.

Okay, let me be clear:

I’m so sick of men doing LESS than the bare minimum AND then gaslighting their wives that she’s wrong for feeling upset about it.

She wanted one day to relax with her kids with no responsibilities. No amount of slime and weaseling will change the fact that she was very clear she did not want to host a houseguest AND her husband decided what she wants is irrelevant. Only his wants matter on Mother’s Day.