Weird moment with DIL

[Anonymous]

Whatever op. Just let it go.

It’s weird yes, but it could be any number of reasons, you being there would have meant it won’t be a quick dash inside the house to grab something and go. It would mean at least 10 minutes to say hello etc and she may not have had so much time for the greetings.

[Anonymous]

Man just walking into someone's house 2 hours early without them there.

I had this older aunt growing up who'd just show up and then make passive aggressive comments about the house not being ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is OP really the DIL?

I wondered the same thing, since it's so clearly in favor of the DIL (and/or clueless)

+1
Plus OP hasn't been back to protest more. I think it's DIL and she's gleefully showing this to her DH as a rare DCUM consensus.

That poor dude is gonna have a rough weekend.

[Anonymous]

That both you and your husband thought it was okay to be so rude is the odd part of this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is OP really the DIL?

I wondered the same thing, since it's so clearly in favor of the DIL (and/or clueless)

+1
Plus OP hasn't been back to protest more. I think it's DIL and she's gleefully showing this to her DH as a rare DCUM consensus.

That poor dude is gonna have a rough weekend.

I mean a "what the heck, guys" is warranted. I'd also be changing the garage code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

This. Arriving so early is super rude. You don’t live that far away and you were arriving the night before the event! There’s zero reason you had to get there that early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last weekend, DH and I visited my son and his family for my grandson’s musical. We live three hours away, so this was a weekend visit.

We were set to arrive on Friday evening, and see the show on Saturday. DIL was volunteering at the first show, on Friday night. The plan was to arrive at about 4 p.m. and DS was going to pick up our granddaughter and meet us between 4-4:30, depending on his traffic coming home from work and picking up at daycare.

DH and I got on the road earlier than expected, and arrived at their house around 2:30 p.m. and were sitting in the driveway discussing whether to go in using the garage code, or maybe go to Trader Joe’s and run a few other errands and come back at 4. As we were sitting there, I saw DIL’s daughter pull up, then pull back out, turn around in the cul-de-sac, and drive off. I thought that was very odd, but we decided to go ahead and go in the house. She never came back or texted.

Later that night, she pretended like she had just gone straight from work to volunteer at the show, and when she came back from the show with grandson, she didn’t say anything about stopping by the house and then fleeing at the sight of us.

Should we apologize for being early? I don’t see why she couldn’t have greeted us, come in the house, and gone on for her volunteer shift! We all get along and I just found the whole thing extremely odd.

Your first mistake is seeing it as your son’s house where your DIL happens to also be on occasion. It’s her freaking house! Ask yourself whether you would have arrived hours early and let yourself into the house if she lived there without your son. If the answer is no (and god I hope it is) then you shouldn’t have done it.

[Anonymous]

American families! OMG!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is so weird. You all are going to live and die alone.

You should have texted to your son and DIL - "Hey, we reached Smallsville earlier than what we anticipated, so we will be doing a Trader Joe run first. Is there anything we can pick up for you? Also, do you want us to pick up Larlo from school?

And your son and DIL should have texted back - "Feel free to go inside the house and rest up. If you are going to TJ then can you pick 3 packets of kung pao and put it in the freezer? Don't worry about picking up Larlo. We will see you soon.

[Anonymous]

My inlaws are chronically late by hours for everything. It’s the worst. Beyond rude. Being early suggests they are excited to be there. My parents are like that and it’s infinitely better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

This is a pretty deranged take. You don't just show up at someone's house early. If you're showing up early to help with setup for a party, you talk beforehand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

They were 2 hours early and it’s only a 3 hour trip. That’s ridiculous. They can certainly go inside and rest, but not at the time we agreed they’d leave their own house for their trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

They were 2 hours early and it’s only a 3 hour trip. That’s ridiculous. They can certainly go inside and rest, but not at the time we agreed they’d leave their own house for their trip!

They also had 3 hours in which to call or text and let them know they'd be early. My sister comes to visit quite a bit and she both texts when she's in her way and shares her location and trip with me so I can see if she has hit traffic.