Weird moment with DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

People social skills are going downhill.

You entered someone's house 2 hours early from a three hour drive?

The fact that you don't get why she turned around (all the reaosns people have already offered) makes me think you are really hard to be around as a MIL. And the fact that you think it's normal that you entered her house anyway, despite seeing her turn around, makes me think it's really important for you to examine your boundaries, or lack thereof, with your son and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

You shouldn't have entered the house 2 hours earlier than expected!! Who knows what you would find inside. Would you want someone in your house at any time simply because you agreed to have them at a specific time? No. She also doesn't owe you an explanation of her whereabouts. Maybe someone else has the same car, or she loaned the car to a friend to go to her house for a rendezvous.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, OP. You’re the type of weird old bird who gives MILs a bad name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were rude. You left your house early, you knew you would be early and you didn't think to check in and see if that would be disruptive.

Your DIL handled it like a pro.

This X10000. The poster that pointed out you arrived 2 hours early for a 3 hour drive nailed it! You didn’t just happen to get on the road early! You had the code and/or figured someone would be there and left early. Insanely rude behavior.

I guarantee you that the code will be changed and you aren’t getting the code again.

[Anonymous]

Is OP really the DIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is OP really the DIL?

I wondered the same thing, since it's so clearly in favor of the DIL (and/or clueless)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is OP really the DIL?

I wondered the same thing, since it's so clearly in favor of the DIL (and/or clueless)

I don’t know, my ILs have showed up way earlier than a few hours before we expected them. And my parents are usually a little early or on the dot, so maybe it’s mostly a Boomer thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is odd that you didn't text them to say you were leaving and arriving a couple hours early. She came home, didn't expect you there and didn't want to deal with guests while trying to get ready to volunteer. I hope you didn't go in with the garage code that early without texting first.

A million percent this. I have in laws like this and they have NO boundaries or courtesy. Show up unannounced, show up early, let themselves in. Wander around the house, including into my/DH’s bedroom without knocking etc. I would have driven away too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

You are insufferable. Look, if you arrive even 30 mins before expected time, you drive around until expected time. DO NOT let yourself in until after said time. This poor woman left work early to get ready and had to flee her own home. This won’t be forgotten. You just made a lot of trouble for yourselves.
How to fix? Apologize, leave early Sunday morning, send them on a weekend away sometime with paid with free childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

You are insufferable. Look, if you arrive even 30 mins before expected time, you drive around until expected time. DO NOT let yourself in until after said time. This poor woman left work early to get ready and had to flee her own home. This won’t be forgotten. You just made a lot of trouble for yourselves.
How to fix? Apologize, leave early Sunday morning, send them on a weekend away sometime with paid with free childcare.

Exactly. One likely scenario - she came home to tidy up herself and the house quickly, and was under a time pressure to do it (because she was leaving work early. Something tells me the OP didn't work outside the home). She was probably wrestling with whether she should or not, but reasoned if she was very quick, she could get it done - dash in, run up the stairs, shower, etc. But instead she had the choice to NOT have time to do that because she would be rude not greeting you, offering you drinks, etc., even very quickly as she explained she had to run (but you are people who arrive 2 hours early from a 3 hour drive, so you probably don't get that some people don't have all the time in the world) - or turning around. So she turned around.

OP, do you get it?

[Anonymous]

OP thinks of the house as her son’s house, and therefore by extension it’s just a family home and there’s no problem with going in early.

DIL thinks of the house as her and her nuclear family’s house, and thinks of her husband’s parents as guests/outsiders. (I’m with DIL on this.)

Maybe OP and FIL left their house so early to avoid Friday afternoon traffic. In that circumstance, they should have texted a heads up that they would be two hours early, or better yet should have stopped somewhere for a cup of coffee or a walk or something.

DIL played it exactly as I would have played it. She came home, hoping for a little breather and relaxation before the weekend festivities began. Instead, she found her in-laws sitting in the driveway like vultures, waiting to pounce and suck up some of her energy, even if that was not their intention. She drove away to find a little bit of freedom, which is what I would have done too.

OP, you definitely should not bring this up with your daughter-in-law unless you want to run the risk of hearing about how your early arrival was really annoying and unwelcome, and that conversation cannot in any way lead anywhere good. Pretend you did not see her, and she is going to pretend you did not see her. Move on and don’t be two hours early next time.

[Anonymous]

You should not show up anywhere 2 hours early! (I'm not going to even wonder the same as other PPs how you can show up 2 hours early when the drive is 3 hours). You lack basic manners and question your DIL! You seem completely clueless. How did you reach a ripe old age with your lack of etiquette?

[Anonymous]

Wanted to add that your DIL didn't bring this up as she'd just have to tell you you're rude and bad mannered!

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t like you and or
Wasn’t ready to deal w your early arrival

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

Oh no, you are just like my in-laws who have a key for emergencies but let themselves in with it whenever they visit. Don't spring surprises on people, OP. You may be family, but you are still guests. If you're arriving earlier than you said you would, you need to tell them. I would have done the same thing as your DIL - she probably wanted a couple hours of peace before having to go on hosting duty and you ruined her plans.