Weird moment with DIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is so weird. You all are going to live and die alone.

You should have texted to your son and DIL - "Hey, we reached Smallsville earlier than what we anticipated, so we will be doing a Trader Joe run first. Is there anything we can pick up for you? Also, do you want us to pick up Larlo from school?

And your son and DIL should have texted back - "Feel free to go inside the house and rest up. If you are going to TJ then can you pick 3 packets of kung pao and put it in the freezer? Don't worry about picking up Larlo. We will see you soon.

Yes! No one else has pointed this out. Why aren’t they picking up larlo from school to help out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is so weird. You all are going to live and die alone.

You should have texted to your son and DIL - "Hey, we reached Smallsville earlier than what we anticipated, so we will be doing a Trader Joe run first. Is there anything we can pick up for you? Also, do you want us to pick up Larlo from school?

And your son and DIL should have texted back - "Feel free to go inside the house and rest up. If you are going to TJ then can you pick 3 packets of kung pao and put it in the freezer? Don't worry about picking up Larlo. We will see you soon.

Yes! No one else has pointed this out. Why aren’t they picking up larlo from school to help out?

Because schools have security protocols around pickup.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it's not the first time you say you'll arrive at a certain time and then decide to come early or late ...

Your son and immediate family still work and have their own organization that you need to respect.

That being said, if it's a one time thing I would have welcomed you inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

+100 what is wrong with you? You can't text or call at the least? You had hours to be in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

+100 what is wrong with you? You can't text or call at the least? You had hours to be in touch.

If it “ruins” the day, you might have some serious issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

If they are 2 hours early after a 3 hour drive...they knew they were going to barge into a family that wasnt expecting them yet. This is not like a 12 hour drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

My own parents do this all the time and it’s very annoying. Good on her for not standing for this. It’s really not that hard to plan what time you’ll be there for a three hour trip.

[Anonymous]

It's rude to arrive early. It's customary to arrive on time or 10-15 min late. Next time if you're in a situation that you decide to leave 2 hours early from your home, go somewhere to sightsee, to a grocery store or anywhere else. Your DS and DIL are a working couple with a busy schedule and they account for other people to respect their time. When you're invited for a visit at a certain time, this is when you visit. The off-putting this is that you think your DIL is at fault or weird, when it's you.

[Anonymous]

When my parents hit the road (6hours away) they text. Then they text when they make a stop of if they’re an hour away. You had hours to let them know you were going to be early and you didn’t bother to tell them, not even once you were already in the driveway?

Nothing she did was weird. You were way early, threw off her plan and she wasn’t ready to greet guests who didn’t bother to let her know you were way early. Sounds like a busy weekend, and she didn’t want to deal with a curveball that could have been prevented.

If you had let them know in advance they could have said “great here’s the garage code” or “we won’t be ready - the mall is 10 minutes away and has a great seating area”.

[Anonymous]

OP lives only three hours away but got to DIL’s home 1.5 hrs early and wants to pick a fight with DIL.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird. But then again I like my in-laws and feel as close to them as my parents. I think it really depends on your relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP lacks basic manners and feels entitled to do whatever she pleases concerning her adult child and his home. She was invited to arrive around 4-4:30 and was given a code in case her DS arrived a few minutes late. She wasn’t invited to arrive several hours early and hang out in their house. She wasn’t invited over several hours to be entertained by DIL in the afternoon. Yet, her old rump is there.

OP you need to treat your DS and DIL with respect. You need to honor invitation boundaries. You need to respect their time. Yes you are old and have nothing else to do, too bad. Yes you feel entitled, too bad. The more you behave the way you did, the more you will be dreaded and avoided. You have a choice to behave like an old rump or engage in a respectful relationship with your adult child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP lacks basic manners and feels entitled to do whatever she pleases concerning her adult child and his home. She was invited to arrive around 4-4:30 and was given a code in case her DS arrived a few minutes late. She wasn’t invited to arrive several hours early and hang out in their house. She wasn’t invited over several hours to be entertained by DIL in the afternoon. Yet, her old rump is there.

OP you need to treat your DS and DIL with respect. You need to honor invitation boundaries. You need to respect their time. Yes you are old and have nothing else to do, too bad. Yes you feel entitled, too bad. The more you behave the way you did, the more you will be dreaded and avoided. You have a choice to behave like an old rump or engage in a respectful relationship with your adult child.

Old rump is my new favorite term for "people who act like what we are calling Boomers"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I come from a family that is usually early for stuff. This doesn’t bother me a bit. I don’t care if my house is messy for family. I don’t care if I have to say “don’t have time to chat right now but feel free to hang out.” My husband finds this insanely rude for people to be early. But he also cares a lot more about what the house looks like and is aiming to get stuff done until the last second. He also is a chatter and can’t find a way to exit a conversation to save his life so he can’t just finish what he is doing. That said, he is kind to my early family (although if my family was going to be more than 30 minutes early, I would be pretty surprised if they didn’t text). He also knows to get his stuff done or hop in the shower 30 minutes before the alleged arrival time. So basically, he has adjusted.

My husband’s family is late for everything and don’t bother to let you know. For them “we will stop by to see the grandkids in the morning” could mean 4pm and they don’t call or even acknowledge when they arrive that they are late. I find this insanely rude. I have learned to adjust by just going about my day — even running errands, etc as long as I can be back within 30 minutes of their arrival. I ask my husband to call them when they should be 30 minutes or so from our house to get some sort of status. So, I have adjusted.

But OP just needs to move on and not worry about this. But also, text when you leave your house with an ETA.

It’s pretty much universal in American culture that you arrive on time or up to 15 minutes late. Arriving early is never okay. Sit in your car if you’re early.

Your in-laws being late is also rude.

No, it is not. Family and close friends always arrive early for moral support and helping hand.

Your ILs are family. And they are elderly. They have driven 3 hours and they cannot go and rest in your house? Are you raised by wolves? Your family structures and networks are just disgusting.

This is a pretty deranged take. You don't just show up at someone's house early. If you're showing up early to help with setup for a party, you talk beforehand.

My mother in law always used to arrive early to "help." Basically she interferred in all the last touches on things I had been working on and presented it in ways I wouldn't want to. IT was like she thought she was the co-host. I hated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is so weird. You all are going to live and die alone.

You should have texted to your son and DIL - "Hey, we reached Smallsville earlier than what we anticipated, so we will be doing a Trader Joe run first. Is there anything we can pick up for you? Also, do you want us to pick up Larlo from school?

And your son and DIL should have texted back - "Feel free to go inside the house and rest up. If you are going to TJ then can you pick 3 packets of kung pao and put it in the freezer? Don't worry about picking up Larlo. We will see you soon.

Yes! No one else has pointed this out. Why aren’t they picking up larlo from school to help out?

Because schools have security protocols around pickup.

And changing all of them for one day of pick up can be more of a pain than it's worth