Weird moment with DIL

[Anonymous]

Last weekend, DH and I visited my son and his family for my grandson’s musical. We live three hours away, so this was a weekend visit.

We were set to arrive on Friday evening, and see the show on Saturday. DIL was volunteering at the first show, on Friday night. The plan was to arrive at about 4 p.m. and DS was going to pick up our granddaughter and meet us between 4-4:30, depending on his traffic coming home from work and picking up at daycare.

DH and I got on the road earlier than expected, and arrived at their house around 2:30 p.m. and were sitting in the driveway discussing whether to go in using the garage code, or maybe go to Trader Joe’s and run a few other errands and come back at 4. As we were sitting there, I saw DIL’s daughter pull up, then pull back out, turn around in the cul-de-sac, and drive off. I thought that was very odd, but we decided to go ahead and go in the house. She never came back or texted.

Later that night, she pretended like she had just gone straight from work to volunteer at the show, and when she came back from the show with grandson, she didn’t say anything about stopping by the house and then fleeing at the sight of us.

Should we apologize for being early? I don’t see why she couldn’t have greeted us, come in the house, and gone on for her volunteer shift! We all get along and I just found the whole thing extremely odd.

[Anonymous]

I think it is odd that you didn't text them to say you were leaving and arriving a couple hours early. She came home, didn't expect you there and didn't want to deal with guests while trying to get ready to volunteer. I hope you didn't go in with the garage code that early without texting first.

[Anonymous]

lol. Let it go. She wasn’t ready to deal with you quite yet.

[Anonymous]

Who knows maybe she had bloody pants from an unexpected period and was annoyed she couldnt walk into her own house.

Maybe she forgot something at work.

Maybe she was coming home for 2 hours of mental peace before playing in law host all weekend and decided to go sit in her car or stop for a coffee instead.

[Anonymous]

OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

Have you ever hosted a dinner party OP?

If you said to your friends “Come by at 7pm, we can’t wait to see you!” would you still feel like you can’t understand what was so disruptive about expected guests YOU invited arriving at 5pm?

Now add that it was a weekend of hosting and she had to volunteer at her kids school and that compounds the inconvenience exponentially.

You were wrong. Drop it and move on.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that it wasn't even her you saw in the cul-de-sac. And even if it was her, it's ok that she didn't want to greet you early. Maybe she was stressed and mentally prepared to entertain you later in the evening but not that afternoon. I know I personally hate when people show up early even if it's my own mother.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, definitely drop it and move on. You should have let them know you were arriving early. Frankly, you should have arrived closer to when you said you were going to arrive.

I have a sister who likes to show up whenever she's ready, along with her family. Then they want to chat while I'm trying to finish getting everything done. I find it annoying, and I love my sister and her family.

[Anonymous]

You weren't supposed to be there, she's pretending she didn't see you, you are CLEARLY supposed to play along with this polite fiction. Let it go!

[Anonymous]

Looks like the responses show a consensus, but I'll add a few tips for future: 1. Call or text from the road if you're going to be more than half an hour earlier than expected. A "hey, we've made really good time. We can head straight to your house or stop nearby and grab some groceries for you. What can we pick up?" would be a great call or text to send.

If I were your DIL, I might have wanted to stop home to have 20 minutes of downtime before starting a busy weekend, but I lean introverted. Or maybe she wanted to do the dishes or clean something up befoer her in-laws were there.

Just because you have the code to the house doesn't mean you should use it unannounced. Ask each time unless they've given you blanket permission.

Hope you had a nice visit, and an even nicer one next time.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, OK, I guess I’ll let it go. I don’t understand what would be so disruptive about guests they invited. But I guess it would have been unexpected. That being said, yes, we did enter with the code we were given. I mean, we were given the code in case we arrived before DS!

Have you ever hosted a dinner party OP?

If you said to your friends “Come by at 7pm, we can’t wait to see you!” would you still feel like you can’t understand what was so disruptive about expected guests YOU invited arriving at 5pm?

Now add that it was a weekend of hosting and she had to volunteer at her kids school and that compounds the inconvenience exponentially.

You were wrong. Drop it and move on.

+1

If you arrive early somewhere, go kill time. Why didn't you go to Trader Joe's, OP?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible she didn't see you? If she did, she might have come up with a better lie "I ran home and pulled in and realized I was late so didn't even go inside"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you ruined her afternoon. She had a busy day of work and volunteering, AND hosting. She probably left work early to finish up a chore or two and get something to eat in peace before the busy show weekend started. And then you’re there and she can’t even relax in her own home for one measly hour.

You’re beyond rude.

+1
Not sure why you didn't just divert to the TJs first instead of sitting in her driveway 2-hours early with your thumbs up your butt figuring something out with your single brain cell.