Letting young family member come live in your home?

[Anonymous]

She needs to live with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to live with him.

He doesn't want her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents best friend had a similar situation with their son. They didn’t allow girlfriend to live with them. Instead, during their sons 50% of the time, they took the baby. They made a nice nursery and raised the boy. Eventually the mom didn’t want the baby at all and the grandparents got the baby almost 100% of the time.

I would do that op. Tell the mom you’ll take the baby during your sons 50% share of baby time.

I would do that too. What do you need the woman for? She obviously had the baby to bargain for herself, get on a meal ticket so to say.

That said, given that the OPs son and the GF have never lived together, the baby could be anyone's. First have the paternity test.

What woman in their sixties wants to raise a baby essentially by herself? Babysitting occasionally-sure. But what’s the long term plan?

And OP isn’t trashy, as another unkind poster called her. The son needs to step up. Unfortunate situation all around.

Sure, but if the OP takes the woman in, she'll be raising both the baby AND the woman. Remember, she has no money and nowhere to live if she leaves her family-of-origin, who seems to be more than happy to get rid of her. If she leaves, it'll most likely also mean there's no going back. Meaning, she'll be smoothly on OPs shoulders and trying to get her out after, say, 6 months... how if she refuses to leave? Once she has moved in, she'll make herself comfortable. It's her chance and she'll hope mom will force her son to marry her or something.

The son doesn't want to step up as he doesn't see the future with this woman. He didn't want his name on the birth certificate. Wasn't there a talk of hiring lawyers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he living with 4 dudes or in a dorm? Why isn’t she moving in with him? Make this make sense?

He has a new girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Just let the baby stay over whenever he needs to. the momma can find her own way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP and I'd want to be on the more involved side.

I believe the son does not want the mom to move in with him because he doesn't see a future for their relationship. Or he thinks letting the mom move in will definitely trap him in the relationship.

I followed the other threads. I would be a little concerned about the mental health of the mom but unless I thought she was mentally ill or a manipulator, I'd feel okay with sharing my house for a defined period of time. Son would have to get the rooms ready and pay some of the extra costs, I think.

I wouldn't mind playing Switzerland for this conflicted set of people in order to help a grandchild off to a good start.

There's a lot of research that shows grandmothers (particularly maternal grandmothers) are very important to human wellbeing. OP is following along an instinctive path that has benefits for grandchildren.

+1
So many of the women in this thread sound like they would like to bring back the Magdalen laundries.

OP I would just embrace this. You’ve been blessed with resources and have plenty of room. Spend some time thinking about what works logistically in the house for you, Kevin, and his mom. Communicate boundaries and expectations clearly. What will you help with and what will you definitely not help with? Write down some of the important household things- she probably still has baby brain. I think you are doing the right thing and it will give you a chance to provide guidance to Kevin’s mom and to bond. My husband was overseas for 9 months of my first child’s first year. I lived with my parents and the bond they have with that child is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Your son must be crazy to even ask. He should be working and paying for a studio for baby and mama if he was so concerned.
I'd take the baby when it's his turn to watch, but not her.
I think the two are low IQ.

[Anonymous]

Why is the baby not living with his Dad who owns a house?

Your son should be supporting the baby and the mother of the child. This is not on you.

You can offer to watch the baby for a shift while the mother and father work jobs.

[Anonymous]

Offer to watch the baby while the mother and father are working.

[Anonymous]

Is it even your son's baby? Have they done DNA?

[Anonymous]

So your son wants to keep dating around?

What happens when you move the baby mama and her baby into your house and she starts wanting to bring new men into your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your son wants to keep dating around?

What happens when you move the baby mama and her baby into your house and she starts wanting to bring new men into your home?

And she tells OP she is expecting again not sure how far along...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP and I'd want to be on the more involved side.

I believe the son does not want the mom to move in with him because he doesn't see a future for their relationship. Or he thinks letting the mom move in will definitely trap him in the relationship.

I followed the other threads. I would be a little concerned about the mental health of the mom but unless I thought she was mentally ill or a manipulator, I'd feel okay with sharing my house for a defined period of time. Son would have to get the rooms ready and pay some of the extra costs, I think.

I wouldn't mind playing Switzerland for this conflicted set of people in order to help a grandchild off to a good start.

There's a lot of research that shows grandmothers (particularly maternal grandmothers) are very important to human wellbeing. OP is following along an instinctive path that has benefits for grandchildren.

+1
So many of the women in this thread sound like they would like to bring back the Magdalen laundries.

OP I would just embrace this. You’ve been blessed with resources and have plenty of room. Spend some time thinking about what works logistically in the house for you, Kevin, and his mom. Communicate boundaries and expectations clearly. What will you help with and what will you definitely not help with? Write down some of the important household things- she probably still has baby brain. I think you are doing the right thing and it will give you a chance to provide guidance to Kevin’s mom and to bond. My husband was overseas for 9 months of my first child’s first year. I lived with my parents and the bond they have with that child is incredible.

Start contacting adoption agencies, STAT! If you are relatively sure that the mother wasn’t doing drugs or drinking, you should have many nice, educated and financially well off couples interested in adoption. You could even research the different types of adoption, open, limited contact, no contact etc. Let the mother know that the welfare of the child is what is most important!

[Anonymous]

OP, have them get a paternity test and tell your son to man up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP and I'd want to be on the more involved side.

I believe the son does not want the mom to move in with him because he doesn't see a future for their relationship. Or he thinks letting the mom move in will definitely trap him in the relationship.

I followed the other threads. I would be a little concerned about the mental health of the mom but unless I thought she was mentally ill or a manipulator, I'd feel okay with sharing my house for a defined period of time. Son would have to get the rooms ready and pay some of the extra costs, I think.

I wouldn't mind playing Switzerland for this conflicted set of people in order to help a grandchild off to a good start.

There's a lot of research that shows grandmothers (particularly maternal grandmothers) are very important to human wellbeing. OP is following along an instinctive path that has benefits for grandchildren.

+1
So many of the women in this thread sound like they would like to bring back the Magdalen laundries.

OP I would just embrace this. You’ve been blessed with resources and have plenty of room. Spend some time thinking about what works logistically in the house for you, Kevin, and his mom. Communicate boundaries and expectations clearly. What will you help with and what will you definitely not help with? Write down some of the important household things- she probably still has baby brain. I think you are doing the right thing and it will give you a chance to provide guidance to Kevin’s mom and to bond. My husband was overseas for 9 months of my first child’s first year. I lived with my parents and the bond they have with that child is incredible.

Start contacting adoption agencies, STAT! If you are relatively sure that the mother wasn’t doing drugs or drinking, you should have many nice, educated and financially well off couples interested in adoption. You could even research the different types of adoption, open, limited contact, no contact etc. Let the mother know that the welfare of the child is what is most important!

You’re suggesting that a grandmother start trying to give her grandchild away for adoption without the consent of the child’s parents?