Letting young family member come live in your home?

[Anonymous]

The pros outweigh the cons. It will take awhile to get used to but it’s your grandchild. Hopefully you can work with your son about what you don’t like and how they can help you. You’re not too old and this will make you feel younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption!

This! Give the kid a chance at good life. They are not it and it is not your responsibility.

That’s a pretty nasty comment. There has been no reason to believe that this couple can’t care for their child. As for him living there, how many of you are divorced? He might end up living there, it’s still early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

She should live with your son.

You do NOT want an unpaid resident trying to take control of your house!!

Yet again another man making problems and then asking a woman to sweep up after him. WTF!?

And he thinks she will get along with you when she can’t get along with her parents?

All of this! Who does this ? Or asks anyone to do this?
OP you are a grandmother NOT roommate or landlord or your son’s replacement to that child.

Also where is your son’s father? Have them go live w him.

Please don’t be dim.

This is not the son being a problem. It’s his girlfriend. She concealed that she was pregnant from him until the last week before delivery. She got pregnant either before they started dating or within the first few weeks. She has no means to be a single mom. This child should have been put up for adoption something the girls family and the son would be on board with however the girls family and the OP want this to turn out into a Hallmark movie or 1950s scene where the son is shamed into marrying the girl and they form a happy family built on lies.

OP is trashy . If she had encouraged the young woman who can not mentally or financially support this child to consider adoption the poor baby would be in a happy family now. Instead he’s in trash town with OP.

They first need a paternity test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption!

This! Give the kid a chance at good life. They are not it and it is not your responsibility.

That’s a pretty nasty comment. There has been no reason to believe that this couple can’t care for their child. As for him living there, how many of you are divorced? He might end up living there, it’s still early.

Heh? What other proof do you need? The baby is the proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

She should live with your son.

You do NOT want an unpaid resident trying to take control of your house!!

Yet again another man making problems and then asking a woman to sweep up after him. WTF!?

And he thinks she will get along with you when she can’t get along with her parents?

All of this! Who does this ? Or asks anyone to do this?
OP you are a grandmother NOT roommate or landlord or your son’s replacement to that child.

Also where is your son’s father? Have them go live w him.

Please don’t be dim.

This is not the son being a problem. It’s his girlfriend. She concealed that she was pregnant from him until the last week before delivery. She got pregnant either before they started dating or within the first few weeks. She has no means to be a single mom. This child should have been put up for adoption something the girls family and the son would be on board with however the girls family and the OP want this to turn out into a Hallmark movie or 1950s scene where the son is shamed into marrying the girl and they form a happy family built on lies.

OP is trashy . If she had encouraged the young woman who can not mentally or financially support this child to consider adoption the poor baby would be in a happy family now. Instead he’s in trash town with OP.

They first need a paternity test.

NP
Literally was thinking the same thing

[Anonymous]

I literally can’t believe this. Ugh

[Anonymous]

My parents best friend had a similar situation with their son. They didn’t allow girlfriend to live with them. Instead, during their sons 50% of the time, they took the baby. They made a nice nursery and raised the boy. Eventually the mom didn’t want the baby at all and the grandparents got the baby almost 100% of the time.

I would do that op. Tell the mom you’ll take the baby during your sons 50% share of baby time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents best friend had a similar situation with their son. They didn’t allow girlfriend to live with them. Instead, during their sons 50% of the time, they took the baby. They made a nice nursery and raised the boy. Eventually the mom didn’t want the baby at all and the grandparents got the baby almost 100% of the time.

I would do that op. Tell the mom you’ll take the baby during your sons 50% share of baby time.

I would do that too. What do you need the woman for? She obviously had the baby to bargain for herself, get on a meal ticket so to say.

That said, given that the OPs son and the GF have never lived together, the baby could be anyone's. First have the paternity test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to poverty. Selling babies is not legal anymore in this country. Adoption is a solution when a baby and parents are already unable to be together. This is not the situation.

Ideally the father would be taking 50% parenting time, and paying for the majority of childcare so that mom can work. It sounds like the father isn't choosing to take the parenting time, so his child support and childcare responsibilities will be high.

If he is renting, and that makes it hard for him to provide childcare, then he should probably move back in with his mom, to free up income.

If he owns the home, he can move back with his mom, sell the house and then use that money to pay child support. He can move back home, rent out his house and use that money. He can also explore whether the baby's mother wants to rent the house from him with the child support.

The only ways that the baby's mom living with the OP makes sense are

1) OP's kid refuses to pay child support, or let her live with him, or take parenting time, in which case letting her live with OP until her son goes to jail for contempt and the house is sold to pay arrears makes sense.

2) She is asking to live there to have an extra adult to help her learn to parent.

No adoption is a solution to an unwanted pregnancy that can not be terminated. Unless the woman was lying, this is a rare but perfect instance where adoption makes the most sense. The woman is unable to care and provide for the baby she supposedly never knew she was pregnant with 8 months. The son does not want the baby or to marry/ live with the woman. Trashy OP on the other hand is jumping in with the delusion of forcing her son into this while enabling the women’s delusion or deceit.

Plus it's not really clear there WAS a paternity test except "looks like" in photos. OP has her own baggage and there seems to be family money involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is not a solution to poverty. Selling babies is not legal anymore in this country. Adoption is a solution when a baby and parents are already unable to be together. This is not the situation.

Ideally the father would be taking 50% parenting time, and paying for the majority of childcare so that mom can work. It sounds like the father isn't choosing to take the parenting time, so his child support and childcare responsibilities will be high.

If he is renting, and that makes it hard for him to provide childcare, then he should probably move back in with his mom, to free up income.

If he owns the home, he can move back with his mom, sell the house and then use that money to pay child support. He can move back home, rent out his house and use that money. He can also explore whether the baby's mother wants to rent the house from him with the child support.

The only ways that the baby's mom living with the OP makes sense are

1) OP's kid refuses to pay child support, or let her live with him, or take parenting time, in which case letting her live with OP until her son goes to jail for contempt and the house is sold to pay arrears makes sense.

2) She is asking to live there to have an extra adult to help her learn to parent.

No adoption is a solution to an unwanted pregnancy that can not be terminated. Unless the woman was lying, this is a rare but perfect instance where adoption makes the most sense. The woman is unable to care and provide for the baby she supposedly never knew she was pregnant with 8 months. The son does not want the baby or to marry/ live with the woman. Trashy OP on the other hand is jumping in with the delusion of forcing her son into this while enabling the women’s delusion or deceit.

Plus it's not really clear there WAS a paternity test except "looks like" in photos. OP has her own baggage and there seems to be family money involved.

OP said SHE gave her son's SSN to the woman to put on the birth certificate, because the son refused, after which the son was not talking to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

She should live with your son.

You do NOT want an unpaid resident trying to take control of your house!!

Yet again another man making problems and then asking a woman to sweep up after him. WTF!?

And he thinks she will get along with you when she can’t get along with her parents?

All of this! Who does this ? Or asks anyone to do this?
OP you are a grandmother NOT roommate or landlord or your son’s replacement to that child.

Also where is your son’s father? Have them go live w him.

Please don’t be dim.

This is not the son being a problem. It’s his girlfriend. She concealed that she was pregnant from him until the last week before delivery. She got pregnant either before they started dating or within the first few weeks. She has no means to be a single mom. This child should have been put up for adoption something the girls family and the son would be on board with however the girls family and the OP want this to turn out into a Hallmark movie or 1950s scene where the son is shamed into marrying the girl and they form a happy family built on lies.

OP is trashy . If she had encouraged the young woman who can not mentally or financially support this child to consider adoption the poor baby would be in a happy family now. Instead he’s in trash town with OP.

They first need a paternity test.

This.

This is the end of the thread until a paternity test is done.

[Anonymous]

Why would your son need to come see the baby at your house?

Why can’t he see the baby at his own house?
Does he own the house?

So many things don’t make sense.

Does the girl have a job or attending school?

I would want a paternity test.

[Anonymous]

NO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents best friend had a similar situation with their son. They didn’t allow girlfriend to live with them. Instead, during their sons 50% of the time, they took the baby. They made a nice nursery and raised the boy. Eventually the mom didn’t want the baby at all and the grandparents got the baby almost 100% of the time.

I would do that op. Tell the mom you’ll take the baby during your sons 50% share of baby time.

I would do that too. What do you need the woman for? She obviously had the baby to bargain for herself, get on a meal ticket so to say.

That said, given that the OPs son and the GF have never lived together, the baby could be anyone's. First have the paternity test.

What woman in their sixties wants to raise a baby essentially by herself? Babysitting occasionally-sure. But what’s the long term plan?

And OP isn’t trashy, as another unkind poster called her. The son needs to step up. Unfortunate situation all around.

[Anonymous]

I have sympathy for OP and I'd want to be on the more involved side.

I believe the son does not want the mom to move in with him because he doesn't see a future for their relationship. Or he thinks letting the mom move in will definitely trap him in the relationship.

I followed the other threads. I would be a little concerned about the mental health of the mom but unless I thought she was mentally ill or a manipulator, I'd feel okay with sharing my house for a defined period of time. Son would have to get the rooms ready and pay some of the extra costs, I think.

I wouldn't mind playing Switzerland for this conflicted set of people in order to help a grandchild off to a good start.

There's a lot of research that shows grandmothers (particularly maternal grandmothers) are very important to human wellbeing. OP is following along an instinctive path that has benefits for grandchildren.