Letting young family member come live in your home?

[Anonymous]

My 20s son is not married to his girlfriend who just recently had a 2026 baby. It was not a planned pregnancy so there is a lot of shuffling of chairs going on currently.

She is apparently not getting along with her parental figures in her home and they are making my son feel very unwelcome anytime he comes by, so he has asked me if I can clean out his old bedroom/bath so that she and the baby can have a safe place to stay. I guess “safe” is an actual word here, since there are apparently already heated arguments taking place in front of the baby. (I don’t have any more first hand information about that)

I CAN do this, I just did *not expect* to do this. I would otherwise never let another adult move into my home and establish residency etc. but this is now a different animal. She may just stay here. She may want to come live here once she gets here. Idk.

Pros:

I am alone in my 60s in a very large home that I’m not going to be able to give up anytime soon.
This baby is my grandchild
I don’t have any adverse relationship with my son’s girlfriend but I don’t know her super well, either
I do have space that is going unused
If I keeled over tomorrow someone would immediately notice
Potential help with upkeep (though I’m not counting on this)
My house is closer to my son’s house so he can see baby more regularly etc.
She does like pets and I have them


Cons:

Learning to live with people all over again after many years doing my own thing
Taking on baby care all over again
All my current life patterns are going to be disrupted abruptly
She will not be paying rent but could still establish tenancy
My son has never “lived with her” so the kind of roommate she could be is still unestablished


I think I need some helpful input. It’s such an emotionally weighted subject I don’t think I can ask anyone else IRL

Thank you for any graciousness in responding

[Anonymous]

Is this the trashy group with the pregnancy not discovered until a week before delivery?

[Anonymous]

Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

[Anonymous]

As someone who values my independence and space, I get the reluctance especially if my son isn't there as well. That said, my overriding concern would be for my grandchild so I would do it. And then I would imagine later I couldn't have imagined doing anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

This. He has a house!

It's his job to support his child. If that means he sells his house, so be it. Don't coddle him.

But if you do this, there is just nothing like a grandbaby that you see frequently. It's so wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Are you the poster who wrote about the surprise pregnancy? I would not do this. All you have is her side of the story (not getting along with her parents). You can be a loving grandmother without moving this virtual stranger into your home. Too many unknowns.

[Anonymous]

Why can't she live with your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the poster who wrote about the surprise pregnancy? I would not do this. All you have is her side of the story (not getting along with her parents). You can be a loving grandmother without moving this virtual stranger into your home. Too many unknowns.

I thought that son was late 20s, not 20. That's a huge difference. Basically a teenaged mother.

[Anonymous]

Why are they not getting along? And why is your son not taking responsibility for HIS child? If he needs to rent out his house and move to a cheaper place, that's what he should do. Don't coddle him.

If she moves in with you it will be very hard to get her out.

[Anonymous]

I would agree to 6 months.

I would expect her to do meals separately from me, but I'd let her put something on the list when I go shopping.

I super flexible person and love kids so this would not be a big deal for me.

[Anonymous]

Don't jump into living with her.

Start by having her over more often with the baby (do not set up a sleeping room). You say he's unwelcome at her home, so set up visitation for him at your house with him, her, and the baby.

As you get more comfortable with her, your house can be a respite/hang out house where she can leave her parents house and hang out with you all day (without your son) and return home to sleep.

You can work your way up to her staying overnight or a weekend in the GUEST room, not "her room." Perhaps if you are having any kind of medical procedure or some issue, you can ask her to stay over to help you, so she's not just a guest.

If this all works out, in a few months, you can begin to think about having her live with you. It does not sound like her situation is an emergency right now.

[Anonymous]

Posted at 11:34. I missed where it says he has *his own house* so just offer to spend a weekend helping him clean out a room for her so she can sleep there if needed.

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. She can live with him. I'd offer to babysit occasionally, get the baby a few things but no.

[Anonymous]

Adoption!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

THIS!!! She should move in with him, not you!

This is ridiculous! Wtf.

If he can't live with her, he should move in with you and give her HIS house.

This is ridiculous, OP.