Letting young family member come live in your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have sympathy for OP and I'd want to be on the more involved side.

I believe the son does not want the mom to move in with him because he doesn't see a future for their relationship. Or he thinks letting the mom move in will definitely trap him in the relationship.

I followed the other threads. I would be a little concerned about the mental health of the mom but unless I thought she was mentally ill or a manipulator, I'd feel okay with sharing my house for a defined period of time. Son would have to get the rooms ready and pay some of the extra costs, I think.

I wouldn't mind playing Switzerland for this conflicted set of people in order to help a grandchild off to a good start.

There's a lot of research that shows grandmothers (particularly maternal grandmothers) are very important to human wellbeing. OP is following along an instinctive path that has benefits for grandchildren.

+1
So many of the women in this thread sound like they would like to bring back the Magdalen laundries.

OP I would just embrace this. You’ve been blessed with resources and have plenty of room. Spend some time thinking about what works logistically in the house for you, Kevin, and his mom. Communicate boundaries and expectations clearly. What will you help with and what will you definitely not help with? Write down some of the important household things- she probably still has baby brain. I think you are doing the right thing and it will give you a chance to provide guidance to Kevin’s mom and to bond. My husband was overseas for 9 months of my first child’s first year. I lived with my parents and the bond they have with that child is incredible.

Start contacting adoption agencies, STAT! If you are relatively sure that the mother wasn’t doing drugs or drinking, you should have many nice, educated and financially well off couples interested in adoption. You could even research the different types of adoption, open, limited contact, no contact etc. Let the mother know that the welfare of the child is what is most important!

You’re suggesting that a grandmother start trying to give her grandchild away for adoption without the consent of the child’s parents?

In this case absolutely! This isn’t a happy family, The son and gf/mother were barely dating long enough to have a baby that is close to full term size. The gf/mother pretended not to know until a week before delivery. She likely has no or limited employment and now doesn’t have a place to live. The responsible thing for the grandmother to do would be to research adoption agencies and council the woman that this is an option that would be in the best interest of the child AND allow the woman to go on with her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son has a house, and the mother of his child is his girlfriend, yet she and the baby can’t live in his house? I’m confused.

She should live with your son.

You do NOT want an unpaid resident trying to take control of your house!!

Yet again another man making problems and then asking a woman to sweep up after him. WTF!?

And he thinks she will get along with you when she can’t get along with her parents?

All of this! Who does this ? Or asks anyone to do this?
OP you are a grandmother NOT roommate or landlord or your son’s replacement to that child.

Also where is your son’s father? Have them go live w him.

Please don’t be dim.

This is not the son being a problem. It’s his girlfriend. She concealed that she was pregnant from him until the last week before delivery. She got pregnant either before they started dating or within the first few weeks. She has no means to be a single mom. This child should have been put up for adoption something the girls family and the son would be on board with however the girls family and the OP want this to turn out into a Hallmark movie or 1950s scene where the son is shamed into marrying the girl and they form a happy family built on lies.

OP is trashy . If she had encouraged the young woman who can not mentally or financially support this child to consider adoption the poor baby would be in a happy family now. Instead he’s in trash town with OP.

Shut up. An unplanned pregnancy doesn’t make someone “trashy.” A cryptic pregnancy does not equal “trashy.” The only trashy person is someone swooping in like a vulture to screech repeatedly that this young mother should be separated from her baby forever because the circumstances of his birth are not ideal.

Adoption is not a guarantee of stable, good parents. It’s not a guarantee of a good life in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he living with 4 dudes or in a dorm? Why isn’t she moving in with him? Make this make sense?

He has a new girlfriend

And hopefully a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

What a tough situation. She’s less than 2 months post partum. I guess I would let her stay for 2 months while she gets on her feet. Agree she may be a hot mess (more likely than not, really). Once the baby is a little older the son can maybe get split custody.

[Anonymous]

The son and her haven't dated for awhile and he has been in a new relationship since before he knew she was pregnant.

I think it is very odd to expect her to move in with a man she isn't dating and who is in a new relationship. That would be very awkward for all and not a great situation for her either.

I am also not sure son's house means he has his own house he lives in by himself - he may have roommates.

And both parents have a duty - both financial and hads on to care for this child. It is not the man's responsibility to care for the mother and especially given the circumstances when she didn't even tell him she was pregnant. Both parents have responsibilities. Since the son wasn't really able to go over to the baby mama's house - there wasn't really a way for him to be involved hands on,

OP. I would let her stay but put a time limit and reassessment on it. You should not need to provide care. That is up to your son and the mother. Your son can also come and stay at your house at times to care for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Did they do the paternity test? If this is indeed your son’s baby and if the mother is someone you generally approve as a mother of your grandchild then I’d do it. You may not have another grandbaby, so unless his mom is someone really, truly hard to approve for you it may be your only shot at being a grandma.

[Anonymous]

Start by just offering for her to stay on weekends so she doesn't establish residency and she gets a break from being at her parents home who perhaps work M-F and are at home on the weekends.

That way you can try it out and see how it goes. Don't let her move in full time or give her a key or let your son tell her she can stay full time. Your son might be trying to get out of paying child support by saying he is providing housing for her and the child.

The first weekend she stays you need to tell her you are doing work in the room she is staying in or some other excuse of why they can't stay on Monday to get her to leave.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it’s really great that you are even considering this. You are kind and generous, perhaps to a fault. Your son should be doing all the work of getting the room ready, IMO.

Aren’t you the mom who also gives her son $3-5000 on his Amex each month? If so, I certainly think it’s fair for that money to go to the baby and his mom. That’s certainly plenty for renting her own home. I think it’s lovely if she stays with you for a while if you are willing to help with baby care and helping this newly postpartum mom regain her footing. But within a few months, you could use that $ to help her get a place of her own to rent.

I don’t assume that she is lying or will hurt you. First and foremost she is a new mom. You are good to help her land softly after this shock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did they do the paternity test? If this is indeed your son’s baby and if the mother is someone you generally approve as a mother of your grandchild then I’d do it. You may not have another grandbaby, so unless his mom is someone really, truly hard to approve for you it may be your only shot at being a grandma.

I would request a paternity test. If so, I would care for the grandchild. Timeline seems iffy so I would not want to commit to this until paternity is confirmed.

I would want/make my son step up, not necessarily be with the mother but be there for his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he living with 4 dudes or in a dorm? Why isn’t she moving in with him? Make this make sense?

He has a new girlfriend

Are you the OP? It sounds like your son's issue is that he doesn't feel welcome visiting the baby because of the grandparents. Why can't he have visits at his own house? I would encourage my son to pursue his rights through the court system. He should also expect to pay child support. I couldn't agree to my son's baby momma living with me unless I knew her well. It just sounds like drama waiting to happen.