Question for anxious parents: what are you truly afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

It’s this plus it’s frustrating as people have seen their kids work so hard and do very poorly in admissions.

Try being asian with sub 1500 SATs. Like literally a 1490.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

Peer group does matter a lot, which is why I’m relieved my kid isn’t going to an elite university. To each their own.

PP here, and yes! To each their own 100%. We all have different wants in life, and that's what keeps the world moving forward.

Sadly, it’s mostly people who went to elite universities turning the world horribly backwards.

They're also the ones pushing the world forward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nchh-qezCOI

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are missing Penn’s contributions

Harvard and Yale have some things to be accountable for.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in central Jersey with a large Asian population, and I was Jewish. That peer group that valued education was incredible. Who do you think the doctors and engineers are that take care of this country. It's the quiet, studious, driven immigrant population. That peer group, I am sorry, was, and still is, priceless, and is found at the top schools in the country, and maybe Rutgers. I'd be ok with Rutgers, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid my kid will have regrets about not gunning harder when they see the opportunities kids at Ivy/Ivy+ schools have. That being said, my kid made it clear in high school that sleep, friends and balance were important to them. They did not “gun” for the best grades or shotgun the T-25 schools. They took a step back from a major EC where they had a track record of success to try something new and completely different when they were in 11th grade. They did not apply to any Ivies or T-10’s. I worried all the time that they weren’t taking college admissions seriously enough but now I’m glad they kept it in perspective. Attending a T20-T30.

I feel this so much. My kid is not a gunner either. He is a well-rounded, well-liked kid who chooses to spend his time on activities he enjoys. He is bright, but he won’t have years of post-Calculus math, research at a university, or national awards.

Sometimes, I feel like I should push him a bit more, but I feel that it more important for him to be true to himself and feel accepted for who he is. I reassure myself that he will likely end up in grad school, so the real pressure is finding a university where he will be happy, motivated, and successful.

My fear is finding the right school where he will thrive. How can we identify the right school based on visits? Will he even be accepted, given the rigorous competition? It seems most students these days have very robust resumes with awards, publications, and selective summer programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prestigious colleges generally graduate more successful people, and some industries are only accessible to people who attend a select few elite universities. Resources, opportunities, and faculty relationships can be cultivated more easily at some schools as well.

The first sentence is less and less true.

[Anonymous]

On the downward mobility concern, we are planning to leave each kid a fully paid of property/house. Just in case.

We expect things to get tough in this country in a few decades.

And both are at T10 schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hesitate to jump in but I definitely think the anxiety around this topic is class based and a bad sign for the country. Yes, there is a class system in this country and it is becoming more extreme as highly paid/highly educated people marry each other and live with their peers.
People who have class status worry about their kids losing it and those that don't are pushing for their kids to access it.
I dated a Boston Brahmin in my 20's and his family would literally describe people as NOK (not our kind) out loud as though that was acceptable. I guess now they apparently worry their own kids will be NOK . . .

Boston brahmin still get into Harvard or whatever school they are associated with, if that's what they want.
If they don't then they aren't actually Boston brahmin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

THIS, it's scary out there...

This whole country is about to come face to face with diminished living standards. The moat protecting american workers from global competition has been paved over with globalization. Now the American worker competes (at a modest proximity advantage to workers anywhere else in the world)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

THIS, it's scary out there...

This whole country is about to come face to face with diminished living standards. The moat protecting american workers from global competition has been paved over with globalization. Now the American worker competes (at a modest proximity advantage to workers anywhere else in the world)

I worry about these effects of globalization. Will it be difficult for our kids to adjust?

Our kids grew up and watching us work only 10-12 hours a day and enjoying a nice standard of living. It will be difficult to work 14-16 hours per day like some other countries with a diminished standard of living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

This whole country is going downward, so even going to the best US schools isn’t going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

This whole country is going downward, so even going to the best US schools isn’t going to help.

Get a family safety net. Buy a farm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a massive amount of hand wringing on this forum.

So I have to ask: what are you truly afraid of?

What do you suppose might happen if your kid doesn’t get into a “good enough” college?

Surely you all must know successful people who went to a huge range of colleges. So you know it’s far from the end of the world if you don’t get into the college you like at 17 years old.

So what’s the fear?

I won’t be able to feel a smug sense of superiority when I put my kid’s school bumper sticker on the car.

Muffy will laugh at me behind my back to the other ladies when I miss book club. Maybe. Probably.

My kid’s poor mental health stemming from my failure to provide him with any sense of perspective won’t be able to be waved away as the price of being a high achiever.

He might decide to use the weed like a poor person instead of developing a cocaine addiction like all good investment bankers do.

He might have to actually have a conversation with aforementioned poor person. Or, worse, a kid that went to public high school.

He might meet his future wife whose only ambition is to become a nurse or a teacher or something gross that helps people like that.

The list goes on…

Weird sarcasm rant. 🧌

NP. I ❤️ weird sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in central Jersey with a large Asian population, and I was Jewish. That peer group that valued education was incredible. Who do you think the doctors and engineers are that take care of this country. It's the quiet, studious, driven immigrant population. That peer group, I am sorry, was, and still is, priceless, and is found at the top schools in the country, and maybe Rutgers. I'd be ok with Rutgers, honestly.

Top schools no longer produce the doctors and engineers who take care of this country. They produced investment bankers and management consultants. To become a doctor or engineer you go to Rutgers or a similar state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid of my child slipping into a different social class than the one I grew up in and am most comfortable with. I don't mean in terms of money--I am not wealthy--but in terms of habits of the mind. At home and in school, I grew up around people who read books, discussed history, understood scientific principles, were curious about the world, appreciated fine art and music, and were generally very smart. I get nervous that if my child attends a lower-ranked school, his peer group will be comprised of less intellectual people and that this will dull his mind a bit.

This could happen anywhere and anytime though! This could already have happened in High School!! And if it didn’t happen yet, perhaps you were successful at instilling the value of books, science, and so on, and they will look for that wherever they go, right?