Question for anxious parents: what are you truly afraid of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

Does it? My kid is at a T25 and has found all of the “perfect” kids annoying. She feels they are more focused on getting the club position or the good grade than the experience. They are afraid to not be perfect. She opted out of many of the clubs an major filled with these folks and has chose a path that gives her the experience she wants and surrounds herself with a great peer group (who are not the perfect top of the class kids).

Also, another thing she has noticed is that the “perfect” kids cheat (a lot).

First two at ivies, the third likely heading to similar, already in at one T25.
The bottom-half kids are the likely ones to try to cheat, because they feel inferior to the top kids and can get desperate. With in-person tests on paper, long-answer problem style, cheating has been reduced to very rare, in stem at least. Even humanities has more in person written essays these days.
The top-quarter "perfect" ones often do it all: volunteer/lead a club, get the research, get the selective summer job, still have 3.9+ in difficult majors too. Many of them keep up the intensity and discipline because their peers do. Nothing wrong with using motivated peers to push yourself to be your best!

That’s sounds great in theory except 75% of students admit to some form of cheating so your so called bottom half are not alone.

not at ivies/elites

[Anonymous]

This thread shows that psychiatry and pharmacology will be robust fields to go into for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows that psychiatry and pharmacology will be robust fields to go into for the foreseeable future.

lol... or maybe Comfort Robots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Peer group matters a lot. Obviously, there are smart kids at every university, but constantly being surrounded by driven & accomplished peers breeds a natural desire to excel and succeed. And as parents, we all want our children to succeed, no matter how we individually define 'success'; for me, it's defined by how my kid sees it, and they want to aim for an elite university.

Does it? My kid is at a T25 and has found all of the “perfect” kids annoying. She feels they are more focused on getting the club position or the good grade than the experience. They are afraid to not be perfect. She opted out of many of the clubs an major filled with these folks and has chose a path that gives her the experience she wants and surrounds herself with a great peer group (who are not the perfect top of the class kids).

Also, another thing she has noticed is that the “perfect” kids cheat (a lot).

First two at ivies, the third likely heading to similar, already in at one T25.
The bottom-half kids are the likely ones to try to cheat, because they feel inferior to the top kids and can get desperate. With in-person tests on paper, long-answer problem style, cheating has been reduced to very rare, in stem at least. Even humanities has more in person written essays these days.
The top-quarter "perfect" ones often do it all: volunteer/lead a club, get the research, get the selective summer job, still have 3.9+ in difficult majors too. Many of them keep up the intensity and discipline because their peers do. Nothing wrong with using motivated peers to push yourself to be your best!

That’s sounds great in theory except 75% of students admit to some form of cheating so your so called bottom half are not alone.

not at ivies/elites

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows that psychiatry and pharmacology will be robust fields to go into for the foreseeable future.

LOL

Telling my DC to open a shrooms store here in the DMV. From the looks of the moms on this thread, they’ll make a fortune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prestigious colleges generally graduate more successful people, and some industries are only accessible to people who attend a select few elite universities. Resources, opportunities, and faculty relationships can be cultivated more easily at some schools as well.

This. I'm more nervous for my third kid than for my first two because by now I've seen a ton of kids with really great qualifications who got didn't get into schools that I thought were not really reaches-- like a friend's daughter who, this week, found out she didn't get into UMD though she has 1550 SAT and a lot of advanced classes. My kid would like to go to top school but I'd be happy with UMD. I think, though, that career and grad opportunities become much steeper hikes out of, say, UMBC.

They're not. Bright kids will manage the next step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows that psychiatry and pharmacology will be robust fields to go into for the foreseeable future.

LOL

Telling my DC to open a shrooms store here in the DMV. From the looks of the moms on this thread, they’ll make a fortune.

Absolutely!

Massive bonus if they can find a certified Organic source and organize modern day “Tupperware Party” style events where the Alpha moms of various cliques host house parties for an “exclusive” group of friends to try the product. 😂

In all seriousness, it’s a great idea. What’s the legal status of shrooms in DC/MD/VA these days? “Do not prosecute”? Or truly legal? I’ve lost track at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Downward mobility

Could have closed the thread after the second response

[Anonymous]

I’m not concerned with prestige. I AM concerned my kids will go off and sit in their room brain rotting instead of being out and about living their best lives for four years of college. They’ll go to class and do well enough to graduate but not get much out of it. That’s my concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not concerned with prestige. I AM concerned my kids will go off and sit in their room brain rotting instead of being out and about living their best lives for four years of college. They’ll go to class and do well enough to graduate but not get much out of it. That’s my concern!

I get it! All the while you are paying $95k a year for a SLAC. My niece did community college and transfer. It worked very well and allowed her time to mature. Or consider a gap year

[Anonymous]

I think we are all afraid of paying the sticker price for 4 years at Tufts. With good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

I will get criticized, but this is my honest observation:

Families who can comfortably pay $400k for 1 DC's college (so often over $1million for 2 kids esp if you consider this is post-tax net dollars and the opportunity investment cost) don't actually stress that much about whether their kids get can a job. They may have high expectations for getting the most prestigious and top-earning jobs, but these are not the families who fear their kids will starve and be homeless. Among our friend group, even those who have "normal great" jobs likes doctors, engineers, accountants, sales directors, etc. with HHI $250k-600k send their kids to state schools or try to get some merit. The ones who truly pays $400k cash out of pocket without loans have HHI $1mm+, and they are not worries their kids can't find any job. These parents and kids have enough connections, resources and frankly higher-than-average IQ that even if they don't get their dream job, they know they won't be working at Walmart.

I find it's typically the first-gen parents in the $200k-500k HHI category who are most intense about Ivies/T10 colleges. They have had some success themselves but are not secure about keeping that upward mobility going, and if they had seen someone at work getting promoted in the fast lane or a new young boss coming in with a HYP degree, that's all it takes to get them obsessed about getting into T10. Many top 1% families I know actually care less about Ivies, jobs after undergrad and prefer the WASP and grad school route.

Spot on. And chances are those parents themselves came from top-10 schools in their home countries.

In reality, the fast lane in this country is still reserved for certain groups. Immigrants may or may not recognize this, but they either conform to it—or their children actually see through it and try to break through the ceiling by starting their own businesses.

I disagree. I constantly see how the rich and elite class finds ways to get their kids in to top colleges. Remember varsity blues? Why did all these celebrities and highly influential families need to pay someone to take the SATs for their children or lie about extra curriculars? The rich and influential people want more. Just being rich is not enough they want all sorts of labels and brands, job titles etc..
Also, we are in a high achieving high school district. Many parents went to Ivy or Ivy plus. And the kids of those parents have been bragging since they were 10 that thats where they are headed too. They are competitive and they not immigrants, not even Asians.

The Varsity Blues families were not ultra high net worth. They all worked for a living, maybe $5-10mm assets, but not $50mm+. The latter from what I have seen prefer LACs. The 3 wealthiest families I personally know ($500mm+; one was generational oil money that will never run out) sent their kids to Bryn Mawr, Princeton, Vassar, USC and SMU. Only Princeton is T10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

I will get criticized, but this is my honest observation:

Families who can comfortably pay $400k for 1 DC's college (so often over $1million for 2 kids esp if you consider this is post-tax net dollars and the opportunity investment cost) don't actually stress that much about whether their kids get can a job. They may have high expectations for getting the most prestigious and top-earning jobs, but these are not the families who fear their kids will starve and be homeless. Among our friend group, even those who have "normal great" jobs likes doctors, engineers, accountants, sales directors, etc. with HHI $250k-600k send their kids to state schools or try to get some merit. The ones who truly pays $400k cash out of pocket without loans have HHI $1mm+, and they are not worries their kids can't find any job. These parents and kids have enough connections, resources and frankly higher-than-average IQ that even if they don't get their dream job, they know they won't be working at Walmart.

I find it's typically the first-gen parents in the $200k-500k HHI category who are most intense about Ivies/T10 colleges. They have had some success themselves but are not secure about keeping that upward mobility going, and if they had seen someone at work getting promoted in the fast lane or a new young boss coming in with a HYP degree, that's all it takes to get them obsessed about getting into T10. Many top 1% families I know actually care less about Ivies, jobs after undergrad and prefer the WASP and grad school route.

Spot on. And chances are those parents themselves came from top-10 schools in their home countries.

In reality, the fast lane in this country is still reserved for certain groups. Immigrants may or may not recognize this, but they either conform to it—or their children actually see through it and try to break through the ceiling by starting their own businesses.

I disagree. I constantly see how the rich and elite class finds ways to get their kids in to top colleges. Remember varsity blues? Why did all these celebrities and highly influential families need to pay someone to take the SATs for their children or lie about extra curriculars? The rich and influential people want more. Just being rich is not enough they want all sorts of labels and brands, job titles etc..
Also, we are in a high achieving high school district. Many parents went to Ivy or Ivy plus. And the kids of those parents have been bragging since they were 10 that thats where they are headed too. They are competitive and they not immigrants, not even Asians.

The Varsity Blues families were not ultra high net worth. They all worked for a living, maybe $5-10mm assets, but not $50mm+. The latter from what I have seen prefer LACs. The 3 wealthiest families I personally know ($500mm+; one was generational oil money that will never run out) sent their kids to Bryn Mawr, Princeton, Vassar, USC and SMU. Only Princeton is T10.

+1. We sent our kid to a college they’d enjoy, because they don’t need to work. They will inherit more money than they can spend in a single lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

I will get criticized, but this is my honest observation:

Families who can comfortably pay $400k for 1 DC's college (so often over $1million for 2 kids esp if you consider this is post-tax net dollars and the opportunity investment cost) don't actually stress that much about whether their kids get can a job. They may have high expectations for getting the most prestigious and top-earning jobs, but these are not the families who fear their kids will starve and be homeless. Among our friend group, even those who have "normal great" jobs likes doctors, engineers, accountants, sales directors, etc. with HHI $250k-600k send their kids to state schools or try to get some merit. The ones who truly pays $400k cash out of pocket without loans have HHI $1mm+, and they are not worries their kids can't find any job. These parents and kids have enough connections, resources and frankly higher-than-average IQ that even if they don't get their dream job, they know they won't be working at Walmart.

I find it's typically the first-gen parents in the $200k-500k HHI category who are most intense about Ivies/T10 colleges. They have had some success themselves but are not secure about keeping that upward mobility going, and if they had seen someone at work getting promoted in the fast lane or a new young boss coming in with a HYP degree, that's all it takes to get them obsessed about getting into T10. Many top 1% families I know actually care less about Ivies, jobs after undergrad and prefer the WASP and grad school route.

Spot on. And chances are those parents themselves came from top-10 schools in their home countries.

In reality, the fast lane in this country is still reserved for certain groups. Immigrants may or may not recognize this, but they either conform to it—or their children actually see through it and try to break through the ceiling by starting their own businesses.

I disagree. I constantly see how the rich and elite class finds ways to get their kids in to top colleges. Remember varsity blues? Why did all these celebrities and highly influential families need to pay someone to take the SATs for their children or lie about extra curriculars? The rich and influential people want more. Just being rich is not enough they want all sorts of labels and brands, job titles etc..
Also, we are in a high achieving high school district. Many parents went to Ivy or Ivy plus. And the kids of those parents have been bragging since they were 10 that thats where they are headed too. They are competitive and they not immigrants, not even Asians.

The Varsity Blues families were not ultra high net worth. They all worked for a living, maybe $5-10mm assets, but not $50mm+. The latter from what I have seen prefer LACs. The 3 wealthiest families I personally know ($500mm+; one was generational oil money that will never run out) sent their kids to Bryn Mawr, Princeton, Vassar, USC and SMU. Only Princeton is T10.

+1. We sent our kid to a college they’d enjoy, because they don’t need to work. They will inherit more money than they can spend in a single lifetime.

Oh, that was a mistake to post that. You are about to be destroyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone worried about spending 400K on their kids' college degree and then the kid can't find a job?

I will get criticized, but this is my honest observation:

Families who can comfortably pay $400k for 1 DC's college (so often over $1million for 2 kids esp if you consider this is post-tax net dollars and the opportunity investment cost) don't actually stress that much about whether their kids get can a job. They may have high expectations for getting the most prestigious and top-earning jobs, but these are not the families who fear their kids will starve and be homeless. Among our friend group, even those who have "normal great" jobs likes doctors, engineers, accountants, sales directors, etc. with HHI $250k-600k send their kids to state schools or try to get some merit. The ones who truly pays $400k cash out of pocket without loans have HHI $1mm+, and they are not worries their kids can't find any job. These parents and kids have enough connections, resources and frankly higher-than-average IQ that even if they don't get their dream job, they know they won't be working at Walmart.

I find it's typically the first-gen parents in the $200k-500k HHI category who are most intense about Ivies/T10 colleges. They have had some success themselves but are not secure about keeping that upward mobility going, and if they had seen someone at work getting promoted in the fast lane or a new young boss coming in with a HYP degree, that's all it takes to get them obsessed about getting into T10. Many top 1% families I know actually care less about Ivies, jobs after undergrad and prefer the WASP and grad school route.

Spot on. And chances are those parents themselves came from top-10 schools in their home countries.

In reality, the fast lane in this country is still reserved for certain groups. Immigrants may or may not recognize this, but they either conform to it—or their children actually see through it and try to break through the ceiling by starting their own businesses.

I disagree. I constantly see how the rich and elite class finds ways to get their kids in to top colleges. Remember varsity blues? Why did all these celebrities and highly influential families need to pay someone to take the SATs for their children or lie about extra curriculars? The rich and influential people want more. Just being rich is not enough they want all sorts of labels and brands, job titles etc..
Also, we are in a high achieving high school district. Many parents went to Ivy or Ivy plus. And the kids of those parents have been bragging since they were 10 that thats where they are headed too. They are competitive and they not immigrants, not even Asians.

The Varsity Blues families were not ultra high net worth. They all worked for a living, maybe $5-10mm assets, but not $50mm+. The latter from what I have seen prefer LACs. The 3 wealthiest families I personally know ($500mm+; one was generational oil money that will never run out) sent their kids to Bryn Mawr, Princeton, Vassar, USC and SMU. Only Princeton is T10.

+1. We sent our kid to a college they’d enjoy, because they don’t need to work. They will inherit more money than they can spend in a single lifetime.

Oh, that was a mistake to post that. You are about to be destroyed.

Not by me. Good for them. We’re guiding our kids in a similar direction. With an emphasis on leveraging their wealth and talent for pro-social purposes - not just to make more money for themselves.