When sorority rush goes wrong
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Anonymous
What kind of crappy parent are you? Jeezus. I care about the things my kids care about. For them. And I guide them. Its called parenting. No one talks about how awful frat rush is too. And its just as bad if not worse. And we parent all of these kids. |
Anonymous
I loved my lowest tier sorority! I was clueless going in to rush, and along the way, it wasn’t where I thought I would match or pledge. But it turned out to be great! I met new friends AND kept my old friends. In fact, I grew closer to them and to some of their sorority friends, too. The whole experience was additive. It grew our social circles rather than restricted them. One piece on insight: The rush experience can be VERY intense, especially if it’s compressed into a few weeks. Differences between houses seem massive, and the whole thing feels like it’s all or nothing. Neither thing is true. The intensity settles down in a month or so. Your DD is NOT crazy to have big feelings about this in the moment. Again, it’s intense. As her parent, stay steady. Encourage her to keep an open mind. And take it a day and then a week at a time. She’ll find her people wherever she lands. |
Anonymous
My daughter has plenty of friends inside and outside here sorority. She is not separated. I would assume your daughter would make new friends in a "lower tier" house and probably have a great experience if you all got over the tier thinking. If she doesn't get in at all, she should join tons of clubs. Some social, some academic. Even if the school is heavily greek, females can generally still get into fraternity parties. Not being greek at a greek heavy school is often harder on boys who are more excluded from the party scene at frat houses where they are not a member. |
Anonymous
| Why? Why does this desire to assign fraternities/sororities into tiers persist? We can't help ourselves, can we? The sickness of our ranking obsessed culture. Nevertheless, agree that the parent's job is to stay steady for DD. People in "lower tier" sororities are people too. And maybe even deeper, more interesting people - the kind of people who will become the friends she is really looking for. |
Anonymous
She transferred because the school wasn’t the right fit for her. She had a great first year gpa when she transferred, so though it was right academically, the failed Rush showed her that it wasn’t where she needed to be in terms of campus culture and fit. She told interviewers that she pivoted to the college that was better for her overall, and interviewers were understanding, if they even asked about it at all. Is transferring after your freshman year really that unusual? She had multiple offers fwiw. |
Anonymous
I hate this argument. Yes, she's an adult, albeit a very young one. (If she's a college freshman, she's been an adult in the legal sense for a year, at most. Her frontal lobe is barely finished developing.) It's not like people wake up the morning of their 18th birthday with the mind of a 45yo. She's still a teenager, who feels teenage emotions and needs her mom when things get a bit haywire. OP is a good mom for caring about her kid and wanting to support her, even if it's something as stupid and pointless as sorority rush. |
Anonymous
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Okay i just read all the comments and see OP's daughter is at Michigan. There are many more ways to get involved there than greek life. With that said, any tier of house there will include lots of social opportunities--just having people to go to events with can feel key in a large college.
My daughter is in what I'm sure you'd think is a lower tier house and has more social activities than she even has time for. She goes to a similar large public and it helps make it feel a bit smaller. One added bonus of a lower tier sorority house is that the fraternities they associate with seem to have nice, albeit nerdier guys which seems safer. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Any sorority will be a community for her. She doesn't need to be a snob about it. |
Anonymous
You know that she can still be friends with these people, right? They're not going to automatically stop being her friend because she's not in the same sorority as them. My daughter is still friends with all of her high school friends and they are not in the same sororities. |
Anonymous
Yes, most likely these current friends will get caught up in their new sororities, at least for the short term. She needs to pick herself up as soon as possible and start finding other clubs and activities. It's tough, OP; I know as one that this happened to many years ago. But she picked MI for a reason, knowing it's a big school. Encourage her to see it out. |
Anonymous
You were so kind until that last sentence. It doesn’t meant the girl’s a snob if she didn’t feel a connection to one of those communities that offers her a a bid. |
Anonymous
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DP here to add some context.
Michigan had over 1500 girls sign up for rush this year. Of course it was a record year b/c those crazy 2007 babies are all still competing against each other. There were 15 houses participating in formal rush and you can assume a pledge class is around 70 people. That means 1/3 of the girls would not end up with bids. Some would drop on their own and maybe some would just get shut out. There is actually another sorority returning to campus and their rush starts a few weeks later, so there are more spots, but I can see how a lot of girls would be hesitant to join a complete unknown. The girls met all 16 houses (the new one, too) over a zoom that lasted about 10-15 minutes. Then, they split the houses into 11 yays and 4 less interested and ranked the 4. A LOT of girls got all the 4 ranked ones back. The system gives more invites to the less "popular" houses to increase interactions and encourage a better yield. You can image with 1500 girls, that means a lof of cuts. The time of the zoom wasn't enough to actually get to know the houses or for the houses to make an honest judgement call on the PNMs. Girls are "unofficially" advised to open their social media before rush starts, so you can see how influence and SM curation had a great impact. OP - There are reasons girls want the "top" houses at UMich, but your daughter should ask if that's really her vibe. Some houses are better than others at creating an online image, but that doesn't mean they are a better house. My DD found some were surprising in both good and bad ways. So, so many girls were upset when the lists came out Friday. Your DD isn't going to be alone if she drops rush. I think a lot more will happen before pref. Also, I've heard so many times that girls don't drop their pre-greek friends at UM, so that shouldn't be a problem. It's tough to watch, but I hope your daughter comes to a decision that makes her happy. Seriously, most people at UM aren't greek and there are a million clubs and little communities where she can find friendships. |
Anonymous
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Yes!
It's really hard for the girls (and those who love the girls) I am an ex-sorority girl and I actually think that social media has made looks/fit/clothes WAY more important than it used to be. Which is kind of surprising. It's a great experience under the right circumstances, but now it feels like the Row is sponsored by Solid core. My daughter is having a less than perfect rush and I'm giving her the following advice: Don't bid unless you are EXCITED to be a part of the house. If you aren't excited by your options, or wouldn't be proud to be a member, drop. You can always rush as a Sophomore or explore COB. |
Anonymous
| Also, OP, there is a lot of attrition in greek life. While it's dominating the first few weeks of this semester, overtime, it will become less and less relevant. |
Anonymous
| Transferring because of a sorority is stupid. She still needs to meet friends and move on. |