Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

No dipshit. Grown men are not allowed to ask underage girls out while they are doing their job which requires them to be polite to earn their tip.

OP mentioned daughter is 17, that's not "underage" in 40 states. Just saying if that's a concern.

Ugh found the pervert again.
17 is underage. Sorry you’re attracted to children but you need to calm down.

Not in Maryland

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did OP ever say how old the girl is? If she's a younger teen, then this is a real problem (assuming the people asking are older than her) because the age of consent in VA is 18. She clearly needs to find a different job. If she's 18 or over, then she really needs to be able to deal with that firmly and know how to stand up for herself, or talk to the manager, if a customer won't take no for an answer.

She said that her daughter is 17, and the men hitting on her are in their mid-twenties.

Men are horrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

[Anonymous]

I would never let me kids work in a restaurant - too many creeps in that industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

I’m going to guess that they had a conversation while he was towing her car, and they made a connection.

Nope! He gave her his card to find out where her car was towed to. She was picked up from the accident scene by family. She called him the next day about her car, she thanked him for trying to calm her down, told him she was glad it was a cute guy who came to her rescue, and she asked him if he wanted to meet up.

Lesson: it’s endearing when women hit on men (even at work) and it’s TOXIC HARASSMENT men when hit on women.

Hopefully men start paying attention. Women don’t want to be hit on the same way men want to be hit on.

If men that hit on women end up hooking up with more women than men that do not, nothing will change. The only way for it to change is for women to specifically hook up with the respectful types more than the players. I’m married and have no dog in this hunt anymore, I’m just observing.

We’re not talking about women. This is a child.

We’re talking about a 17 year old that 20 year old are flirting with. 20 year olds that have no idea what her age is because she’s doing a job that involves serving alcohol and so is typically limited to 18 or even 21 plus.

I feel like people are missing this. There are 17-year-olds that look indistinguishable from someone in their low 20s. OP should tell her daughter to response with an "I'm 17" if she gets asked out. 95% of guys will get flustered and apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

Fine. So what is his solution for your daughter taking unwanted harassments from sleezy men? Just keep taking it to make sure she doesn't turn out to be spoiled and entitled kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:JFC people, I was just asking for a few things that worked for you/ your daughter, and I find myself a multipage cesspool of misogyny and vitriol. (Many of) You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

My daughter is 17. The men who have asked for her number have been customers, not colleagues, and according to her "I dunno, mid 20s?"

This is her first public facing job with adults (though she has previously done lots of kid-related work.) She's a little shy, but she's excited about getting work experience and earning money for college. I'm asking for some thoughts on ways for someone who is new to being a server to navigate a common pitfall.

Why do you have to make it so vile? Seriously. Reflect and seek help.

This explains it. First public facing job and shy. This will be good for her. What she's experiencing isn't harassment. It's life.

Nope, it is harassment.

Why are so many people trying to justify this?

Apparently men are not allowed to ask women out because that's harassment.

No dipshit. Grown men are not allowed to ask underage girls out while they are doing their job which requires them to be polite to earn their tip.

OP mentioned daughter is 17, that's not "underage" in 40 states. Just saying if that's a concern.

Ugh found the pervert again.
17 is underage. Sorry you’re attracted to children but you need to calm down.

Not in Maryland

pedo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

Fine. So what is his solution for your daughter taking unwanted harassments from sleezy men? Just keep taking it to make sure she doesn't turn out to be spoiled and entitled kid?

Thats the literal post. We teach our kids how to live in the world instead of isolating them from it. (No private schools. No personal cars. No nepobaby “jobs”.)

We asked if she wanted to quit, if it was at that level of discomfort. She said no, she likes the job, she’s just flustered by the attention from adult men. So this *entire* post was an attempt to crowdsource some thoughts from people who’ve been in her shoes, to teach her how to be comfortable doing something she said she wants to do. It’s a learning process and I’m very proud of her for sticking with it.

More fool I for thinking I’d get anything useful from you wretched trolls. (A few exceptions of course, and thank you to those who engaged like decent humans. Something about teenaged girls really brings out the worst in these other people.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

Fine. So what is his solution for your daughter taking unwanted harassments from sleezy men? Just keep taking it to make sure she doesn't turn out to be spoiled and entitled kid?

Thats the literal post. We teach our kids how to live in the world instead of isolating them from it. (No private schools. No personal cars. No nepobaby “jobs”.)

We asked if she wanted to quit, if it was at that level of discomfort. She said no, she likes the job, she’s just flustered by the attention from adult men. So this *entire* post was an attempt to crowdsource some thoughts from people who’ve been in her shoes, to teach her how to be comfortable doing something she said she wants to do. It’s a learning process and I’m very proud of her for sticking with it.

More fool I for thinking I’d get anything useful from you wretched trolls. (A few exceptions of course, and thank you to those who engaged like decent humans. Something about teenaged girls really brings out the worst in these other people.)

You mean the pedo men that want to keep their harassment of children totes fine. What the F is wrong with men. I'm so sorry for your daughter to have to experience this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t have a societal norm and expectation that men have to make the first move, show interest first and make the connection and then also get mad when they do. If men only showed interest in women who have already explicitly invited that interest there would be a lot of single women in the world. Outside of online dating, it is almost always men asking for numbers and making a move.

But the waitress is not someone who is searching for a romantic partner—she's someone trying to find out if you want pancakes. It's not appropriate to ask your boss for a date, the police officer who just pulled you over or the garbage man while he hoists your bin. Let waitresses find out if you want pancakes without hassling them. If you see someone, in an appropriate environment, like a party, bar or other social event, then you can ask them—whether it's your teacher, the cop who pulled you over, the garbageman or your waitress from the pancake house.

How does one know that a woman is searching for a romantic partner? That would be great if there was a clear indicator that says, hit on me.

I don’t think it’s appropriate necessarily but I am sure there are plenty of meet cute stories of customers and waitresses and happily ever after. One of my cousins married a flight attendant he hit on during a flight (working and no indicator of interest), my friend married a guy who was the tow truck driver who came after she crashed her car. Again he was at work. I also know other couples who met when one was at work or where there were no clear neon lights of single and looking to mingle.

Here's a hint: if your target is captive to you because of their work, it's a bad idea.

The waitress was assigned to your table. She's not trying to eff everyone who is seated in her section. If she is, she can let you know. Don't make her job harder.

If your friend was happy hitting on the tow truck driver, that was her choice—if he had pursued her, it would've been a different story.

What do you mean it’s her choice? The tow truck driver was just assigned to her, doing his job and she started harassing him! Disgusting behavior.

I’m going to guess that they had a conversation while he was towing her car, and they made a connection.

Nope! He gave her his card to find out where her car was towed to. She was picked up from the accident scene by family. She called him the next day about her car, she thanked him for trying to calm her down, told him she was glad it was a cute guy who came to her rescue, and she asked him if he wanted to meet up.

Lesson: it’s endearing when women hit on men (even at work) and it’s TOXIC HARASSMENT men when hit on women.

Hopefully men start paying attention. Women don’t want to be hit on the same way men want to be hit on.

If men that hit on women end up hooking up with more women than men that do not, nothing will change. The only way for it to change is for women to specifically hook up with the respectful types more than the players. I’m married and have no dog in this hunt anymore, I’m just observing.

We’re not talking about women. This is a child.

We’re talking about a 17 year old that 20 year old are flirting with. 20 year olds that have no idea what her age is because she’s doing a job that involves serving alcohol and so is typically limited to 18 or even 21 plus.

I feel like people are missing this. There are 17-year-olds that look indistinguishable from someone in their low 20s. OP should tell her daughter to response with an "I'm 17" if she gets asked out. 95% of guys will get flustered and apologize.

I don’t know what’s happening with OP’s daughter, but I doubt that she is being politely asked to meet up outside work.
It’s probably more like comments about her body. Asking her to step back so they can see her legs, turn around, bend over, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let interested children work in restaurants. Where’s the father?

You already know there’s no father- a father wouldn’t allow this.

OP here. Please, do go on. I love the creativity. I’ve made popcorn.

(My husband / daughter’s dad isn’t enjoying it so much; he thinks at least 60% of dcum posts are from incel scum masquerading as concerned parents. I confess his theory seems to have merit.)

he can think whatever he wants. you two don't sound like very concerned parents though.

Well he’s a college professor; he generally has a pretty high opinion of people that age— their abilities and resilience. And he really, really hates seeing rich kids who’ve been spoiled into helplessness and entitlement. He blames the parents for that. So that probably colors his thinking on how to set kids up for success. We are aligned in this.

Fine. So what is his solution for your daughter taking unwanted harassments from sleezy men? Just keep taking it to make sure she doesn't turn out to be spoiled and entitled kid?

Thats the literal post. We teach our kids how to live in the world instead of isolating them from it. (No private schools. No personal cars. No nepobaby “jobs”.)

We asked if she wanted to quit, if it was at that level of discomfort. She said no, she likes the job, she’s just flustered by the attention from adult men. So this *entire* post was an attempt to crowdsource some thoughts from people who’ve been in her shoes, to teach her how to be comfortable doing something she said she wants to do. It’s a learning process and I’m very proud of her for sticking with it.

More fool I for thinking I’d get anything useful from you wretched trolls. (A few exceptions of course, and thank you to those who engaged like decent humans. Something about teenaged girls really brings out the worst in these other people.)

You mean the pedo men that want to keep their harassment of children totes fine. What the F is wrong with men. I'm so sorry for your daughter to have to experience this.

The creeps are easy to spot, and we expect this behavior from some men. And honestly, I survived and so will my daughter. Clever tips would have been nice, but whatever, we’ll be ok.
I’m actually more worried about the posters here who claim to be mothers and happily throw a beautiful naive young woman under the bus for internet points. (Probably the same women who say that an infant girl learning to smile is “flirting”.)
I worked hill-adjacent for years and met lots of these women who hate/fear other women (of any age) and will tear them down at any opportunity.