Daughter gets hit on at work - solutions?

[Anonymous]

When I worked as a young engineer years ago, i had a made up boyfriend to discourage this sort of thing.


Some will push for proof, those are red flag sort of people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a weird thread.

Asking for someone’s number is not harassment. A bit low class to do it to a server when you are a customer but not harassment.

There is no need to wear a wedding ring, apologize or offer any explanation. A simple polite no should suffice.

No need to dramatize a non dramatic situation.

Asking for your servers number while she's working is harassment. Please stop doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

You are ignorant on this topic and you don't belong in this thread.

Any restaurant owner/ manager would laugh at a server who complained about men asking for her number. And while I'm sympathetic to young women who get unwanted attention, I also can't see how a manager would police that.

You know what? Eat me.

I have plenty of experience in the restaurant business. I was a server for several years. Put myself through college that way.

I never suggested that she have the manager "police" it. I said ask the manager how she should handle it and do as they say. Since this is the "tween/teenager" forum I assume she's not waiting tables where alcohol is served. Most states don't allow minors that young to be servers where there's alcohol. So I doubt she's dealing with drunken old men at nightclubs. If I'm wrong, OP, tell me so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

This is the kind of attitude the perverts are counting on.

Asking a young lady for their phone number does not make you a pervert. What is wrong with you?

Harassing someone AT THEIR JOB is absolutely a perv move.

Asking for your phone number IS NOT HARASSMENT!

Is this the same person trying to normalize this behavior over and over again? Please tell me it is.

Solid chance the people asking this TEENAGER for her phone number are not other teenagers. You get that right? And even if they are other teenagers and it's totally age appropriate with a peer asking a peer for a phone number, asking for people for their phone numbers in an attempt to express romantic interest in them while they are in the middle of doing their job is not appropriate. Sad and troubling you do not know this.

+1

I have a pretty teen DD. Never had any trouble with teen guys being respectful to her. It was the men in their 20s and up (gag.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a weird thread.

Asking for someone’s number is not harassment. A bit low class to do it to a server when you are a customer but not harassment. There is no need to wear a wedding ring, apologize or offer any explanation. A simple polite no should suffice. No need to dramatize a non dramatic situation.

An adult asking for a teenager's phone number is harassment. Especially when there is the power imbalance of customer service, and the teenager is relying on a good tip. She feels like if she says no, she won't get that tip she's hustling for.

[Anonymous]

"Asking a server for their phone number, particularly in a way that could be perceived as pressuring or inappropriate, can be considered harassment, especially if it creates an uncomfortable or unwelcome situation for the server. If the server is uncomfortable or it disrupts their work, it can be deemed harassment."

What the f**k is wrong with men. It's harassment. Stop making people uncomfortable when they are just trying to do their job.

[Anonymous]

Part of growing up is learning to deal with uncomfortable situations. I guarantee this will not be the most uncomfortable situation she’s ever put in so she needs to learn to deal with it. She can say no thanks, if it continues or they’re creepy then she asks another server to take her table. Making every man that asks for her number a pervert is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of growing up is learning to deal with uncomfortable situations. I guarantee this will not be the most uncomfortable situation she’s ever put in so she needs to learn to deal with it. She can say no thanks, if it continues or they’re creepy then she asks another server to take her table. Making every man that asks for her number a pervert is disgusting.

Every man who asks a teen girl for her number at work is a pervert. It is very much a disgusting thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

Yes.

This is the kind of attitude the perverts are counting on.

Wow! Do you vilify all men this way? Who hurt you?

Men. Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t said how old she is so I’m assume 18. Tell her to get over it. If she’s under 18 tell her to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a weird thread.

Asking for someone’s number is not harassment. A bit low class to do it to a server when you are a customer but not harassment.

There is no need to wear a wedding ring, apologize or offer any explanation. A simple polite no should suffice.

No need to dramatize a non dramatic situation.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/harassment

Harassment: to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct

A waitress or someone serving you is NEVER inviting or welcoming you or anyone to ask them for their phone number. It is not a social interaction. It is...uninvited and unwelcome and unpleasant.

See how it meets the definition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of growing up is learning to deal with uncomfortable situations. I guarantee this will not be the most uncomfortable situation she’s ever put in so she needs to learn to deal with it. She can say no thanks, if it continues or they’re creepy then she asks another server to take her table. Making every man that asks for her number a pervert is disgusting.

A man asking a teen for their number is disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t said how old she is so I’m assume 18. Tell her to get over it. If she’s under 18 tell her to quit.

Wow I hope you dont have children. Tell her to "get over" being sexually harassed at work? Wtf is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such a weird thread.

Asking for someone’s number is not harassment. A bit low class to do it to a server when you are a customer but not harassment. There is no need to wear a wedding ring, apologize or offer any explanation. A simple polite no should suffice. No need to dramatize a non dramatic situation.

An adult asking for a teenager's phone number is harassment. Especially when there is the power imbalance of customer service, and the teenager is relying on a good tip. She feels like if she says no, she won't get that tip she's hustling for.

OP never stated the age of her daughter or the age of the people asking for her number. This could be 19 year olds flirting with a 17 year old or something.

Plenty of people tip poorly for all sorts of reasons. Typically young female servers benefit from higher tips relative to their actual quality of service. I rarely hear them whine about that.

Anyway, plenty of people are low class all around the world you still need to deal with them. We can’t lock away all the ignorant people just because you don’t like them. So my advice is sound regardless. You have no good advice you are just railing against reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to tell her boss it's happening and ask them how to handle it. It's not up to her mother.

So mom should say "not my problem, handle it yourself"

Do I have that right?

No. Mom should tell her to talk to her boss about it and do what they say. Are you obtuse or do you just want to argue with me?

You are ignorant on this topic and you don't belong in this thread.

Any restaurant owner/ manager would laugh at a server who complained about men asking for her number. And while I'm sympathetic to young women who get unwanted attention, I also can't see how a manager would police that.

It doesn’t need to be a complaint or need policing. She should just ask the manager, or another more experienced server, what their best strategy is for dealing with requests like this.