Boyfriend is celibate until marriage

[Anonymous]

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I didn’t sleep together until marriage. We were both super into each other and got married in less than a year. That part of our marriage is really great now. We are religious, so waiting seemed valuable to us, and our church has premarital classes to go through, so it felt like the relationship was progressing.

I’m wondering if going to a couples counselor would give you that same sense of making progress. You’d be able to get a good sense of whether this is him having good boundaries around one issue, or whether he needs control more generally. For example, if he was an alcoholic, and he didn’t want to be around alcohol, everyone would accept that. Why was sex that important to him? What will happen once you get married? Is he a once a week guy, a three times a day guy, or somewhere in the middle?

I think it’s sweet that he wants to wait, but if you’re not fully on board, that’s really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you can see marrying him, I’d get counseling. Even if you end up breaking up, you’ll have learned from the process.

Why is it sweet? There’s nothing sweet about it, it’s just an arbitrary control measure.

[Anonymous]

This would be an absolute no for me (female). I’ve only slept with 3 people in my life (including DH) but there was no chance I was committing to someone for life w/o sleeping with them (we’ve been happily married for 28 years). People who do this either have:

Religious baggage
Issues with sex

Nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Is third base OK?

I wasn’t a wait until marriage type, but as it happened, the first girl I went all the way with was the one I married.

Still good after more than a decade.

No sex at all. We haven’t even seen each other naked. He doesn’t want any kind of sex. Only kissing. Not even touching.

This makes no sense.

And the reason is not religious or respect- based, but because he previously was a sex addict and/or porn addict and wants to avoid going on a bender again.

Yikes and yikes and yikes.

+1. He has serious issues Op, do your diligence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is gay and just scared to admit it?

He is not gay. He said he used sex a lot as an escape and decided he would celibate until marriage.

wtf OP troll.

What was he escaping from?

How much sex was he previously having, and with whom?

When did this celibacy thing start?

I’m not a troll.

To answer your questions

He said he used sex an escape. When he was happy, bored, or stressed. He slept with a lot of random women. Lots of one night stands and casual sex. He’s cheated. He even slept with married women in the past. He said his body count is 100+. He just did it because it was there.

He had a std scare and that whipped him into shape. Then a family loss. He decided he didn’t want to live his life like that. He decided he wanted to wait for marriage because he made a choice to reserve sex the way god intended. He wants to be in love and do it the right away.

What a hot guy! I can definitely see why he’s the man for you. Keep him, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is gay and just scared to admit it?

He is not gay. He said he used sex a lot as an escape and decided he would celibate until marriage.

wtf OP troll.

What was he escaping from?

How much sex was he previously having, and with whom?

When did this celibacy thing start?

I’m not a troll.

To answer your questions

He said he used sex an escape. When he was happy, bored, or stressed. He slept with a lot of random women. Lots of one night stands and casual sex. He’s cheated. He even slept with married women in the past. He said his body count is 100+. He just did it because it was there.

He had a std scare and that whipped him into shape. Then a family loss. He decided he didn’t want to live his life like that. He decided he wanted to wait for marriage because he made a choice to reserve sex the way god intended. He wants to be in love and do it the right away.

This all came after he decided to turn to the faith he was raised in. He has since found god and the right way. He wants to live the way god intended.

Cool story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned that he has a history of cheating and using sex to cope. This isn't something that just disappears. Is he doing anything to address the root cause of why this happened? Because just avoiding sex doesn't really address the root of the problem.

Also, if he’s saying he doesn’t want to get married for several years and is already putting major restrictions on intimacy, it sounds like a relationship where his needs and timeline are being prioritized—not yours. That kind of dynamic can easily become one-sided. Too much compromising on your end. I think you can do better.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Is third base OK?

I wasn’t a wait until marriage type, but as it happened, the first girl I went all the way with was the one I married.

Still good after more than a decade.

No sex at all. We haven’t even seen each other naked. He doesn’t want any kind of sex. Only kissing. Not even touching.

This makes no sense.

And the reason is not religious or respect- based, but because he previously was a sex addict and/or porn addict and wants to avoid going on a bender again.

Yikes and yikes and yikes.

Bro, this isn't "yikes". It's not for you, and it doesn't sound like it's for OP either, but it's not "yikes" to have limits and clearly express them.

Lotta rape culture evident on this thread.

Riiiiight, she can keep her 100+ body count fake boyfriend. No yikes there.

Just keep putting a bandaid in a bleed out victim

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is gay and just scared to admit it?

He is not gay. He said he used sex a lot as an escape and decided he would celibate until marriage.

wtf OP troll.

What was he escaping from?

How much sex was he previously having, and with whom?

When did this celibacy thing start?

What are you, an investigative journalist? None of this matters to this thread. He has been clear about his limits. Whether you understand them or the reasons behind them, they are what they are. Respect that.

Lol

Thx to OP for answering them we know the sudden celibacy is due to he various casual sex binges due to his zero normal coping skills for his boredom, happiness or stress.

His sex issues are the tip of the iceberg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is gay and just scared to admit it?

He is not gay. He said he used sex a lot as an escape and decided he would celibate until marriage.

wtf OP troll.

What was he escaping from?

How much sex was he previously having, and with whom?

When did this celibacy thing start?

I’m not a troll.

To answer your questions

He said he used sex an escape. When he was happy, bored, or stressed. He slept with a lot of random women. Lots of one night stands and casual sex. He’s cheated. He even slept with married women in the past. He said his body count is 100+. He just did it because it was there.

He had a std scare and that whipped him into shape. Then a family loss. He decided he didn’t want to live his life like that. He decided he wanted to wait for marriage because he made a choice to reserve sex the way god intended. He wants to be in love and do it the right away.

Well that seems to be believable.
Also 100 is not that many for a man. Real sex addicts are often way over that and of course riddled with std's.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has so many red flags.

Best case he’s a sex addict, religious nut, black and white thinker.

Worst case he’s gay. I’d guess gay. I bet he used to drink a lot before he had sex because his religious background made him ashamed of being gay. That tracks with his whole using sex as escaping thing.

He isn’t gay. He only started drinking when he lost a family member. They were very close and he took it hard. He would barely drink before that.

I don’t think he is a sex addict. I think he was a typical guy who had more access to sex than the average guy and went with it.

Gross

[Anonymous]

Sorry what family member died and triggered him to be an alcoholic too.

Thats not a normal reaction. Was here abuse or codependency or what issue led to such an intense reaction for an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least he will likely want to marry soon rather than serial date. Would you want to marry him? Is he caring, kind, smart, attractive, good job, shared values and beliefs? If he is the whole package, go take a cold shower.

I’m human. I want sex. We have been together 8 months and man it’s hard. He is a really great guy but he is not fast tracking marriage. His ideal timeline is marriage in 2-3 years.

If you are not thinking marriage by now it’s time to move on anyway.

[Anonymous]

Exit stage left

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least he will likely want to marry soon rather than serial date. Would you want to marry him? Is he caring, kind, smart, attractive, good job, shared values and beliefs? If he is the whole package, go take a cold shower.

I’m human. I want sex. We have been together 8 months and man it’s hard. He is a really great guy but he is not fast tracking marriage. His ideal timeline is marriage in 2-3 years.

If you are not thinking marriage by now it’s time to move on anyway.

I bet she can save him from his addictions and demons.

Plus be the best of his sexcapades