Boyfriend is celibate until marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be an absolute no for me (female). I’ve only slept with 3 people in my life (including DH) but there was no chance I was committing to someone for life w/o sleeping with them (we’ve been happily married for 28 years). People who do this either have:

Religious baggage
Issues with sex

Nope

I agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has so many red flags.

Best case he’s a sex addict, religious nut, black and white thinker.

Worst case he’s gay. I’d guess gay. I bet he used to drink a lot before he had sex because his religious background made him ashamed of being gay. That tracks with his whole using sex as escaping thing.

He isn’t gay. He only started drinking when he lost a family member. They were very close and he took it hard. He would barely drink before that.

I don’t think he is a sex addict. I think he was a typical guy who had more access to sex than the average guy and went with it.

Sounds like trash to me. No standards, no goals, trash.

[Anonymous]

Look op,
As was covered in your first thread
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/1267164.page#29807053

You want different things he has different values.
Doesn't mean you are a bad person.
Or he is a bad person.
He might be great in all other ways but he is not a fit for you because you value different things.

This will eventually lead to resentment.

Let's say you do have sex. Then what if it's bad you'll feel obligated to stay because you pushed him to break his vow.
He will resent you for pushing him to do so.
If you wait you'll resent him for making you wait.
It's okay to break up with someone because your values aren't aligned even if they are otherwise great.
Do yourself a favor and end it and go have some sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look op,
As was covered in your first thread
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/1267164.page#29807053

You want different things he has different values.
Doesn't mean you are a bad person.
Or he is a bad person.
He might be great in all other ways but he is not a fit for you because you value different things.

This will eventually lead to resentment.

Let's say you do have sex. Then what if it's bad you'll feel obligated to stay because you pushed him to break his vow.
He will resent you for pushing him to do so.
If you wait you'll resent him for making you wait.
It's okay to break up with someone because your values aren't aligned even if they are otherwise great.
Do yourself a favor and end it and go have some sex

That wasn’t my thread. I’ve never posted about this on here. It’s funny how you assume though. You know what they say when you assume. Like many people on here don’t start the same stupid “ I hate my husband” thread multiple times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Is third base OK?

I wasn’t a wait until marriage type, but as it happened, the first girl I went all the way with was the one I married.

Still good after more than a decade.

No sex at all. We haven’t even seen each other naked. He doesn’t want any kind of sex. Only kissing. Not even touching.

Does he use porn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look op,
As was covered in your first thread
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/1267164.page#29807053

You want different things he has different values.
Doesn't mean you are a bad person.
Or he is a bad person.
He might be great in all other ways but he is not a fit for you because you value different things.

This will eventually lead to resentment.

Let's say you do have sex. Then what if it's bad you'll feel obligated to stay because you pushed him to break his vow.
He will resent you for pushing him to do so.
If you wait you'll resent him for making you wait.
It's okay to break up with someone because your values aren't aligned even if they are otherwise great.
Do yourself a favor and end it and go have some sex

That wasn’t my thread. I’ve never posted about this on here. It’s funny how you assume though. You know what they say when you assume. Like many people on here don’t start the same stupid “ I hate my husband” thread multiple times a week.

Rapid troll response time Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing this guy I really like who told me he has decided to be celibate until marriage. I’ve been trying to be understanding but it is getting pretty hard for me to not want sex with him. I think about sex constantly. I don’t know if I can do this..

This guy has some serious baggage, and it's a huge red flag. Is he controlling in other ways? He's trying to control YOUR sex life, and pretty soon it will be other things. There's a reason he's not married. Run, and run fast. Today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m seeing this guy I really like who told me he has decided to be celibate until marriage. I’ve been trying to be understanding but it is getting pretty hard for me to not want sex with him. I think about sex constantly. I don’t know if I can do this..

This guy has some serious baggage, and it's a huge red flag. Is he controlling in other ways? He's trying to control YOUR sex life, and pretty soon it will be other things. There's a reason he's not married. Run, and run fast. Today.

What? Having boundaries for what you will/won't do isn't controlling other people. Dude has his line and he made it clear. That's not controlling, that's communicating. She doesn't like it, it doesn't seem to work for her... She can leave. Nobody's controlling her.

If anything she's trying to control him to move him from his stated position. That's controlling.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t help him maintain this boundary by supporting his choice, get out and let someone else.
You definitely can remain celibate, too, and have fun together doing just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t help him maintain this boundary by supporting his choice, get out and let someone else.
You definitely can remain celibate, too, and have fun together doing just that.

But why should she remain celibate if she doesn't have any "issues"?
Additionally, there is a possibility that he has some potentially dark interests on the side that he's hiding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be an absolute no for me (female). I’ve only slept with 3 people in my life (including DH) but there was no chance I was committing to someone for life w/o sleeping with them (we’ve been happily married for 28 years). People who do this either have:

Religious baggage
Issues with sex

Nope

Most people don't view religion as "baggage".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be an absolute no for me (female). I’ve only slept with 3 people in my life (including DH) but there was no chance I was committing to someone for life w/o sleeping with them (we’ve been happily married for 28 years). People who do this either have:

Religious baggage
Issues with sex

Nope

Most people don't view religion as "baggage".

As someone raised in a puritanical religion, I had a lot of baggage around sex that I had to work through to have a healthy relationship with my husband.

[Anonymous]

If sex is off the table until after marriage, couldn’t you just do anal for now? It works well for many religious couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least he will likely want to marry soon rather than serial date. Would you want to marry him? Is he caring, kind, smart, attractive, good job, shared values and beliefs? If he is the whole package, go take a cold shower.

I’m human. I want sex. We have been together 8 months and man it’s hard. He is a really great guy but he is not fast tracking marriage. His ideal timeline is marriage in 2-3 years.

2-3 years? That's crazy. I don't think he's being realistic about this unless you are really young (18) and used to just making out. If he really wants to wait and has no other issues, he should be ready about now at 8 months or at a year. It sounds weird to me. I would push for engagement at a year if you really like him and if he doesn't want to, move on. Even traditional people have sex once they're engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, at least he will likely want to marry soon rather than serial date. Would you want to marry him? Is he caring, kind, smart, attractive, good job, shared values and beliefs? If he is the whole package, go take a cold shower.

I’m human. I want sex. We have been together 8 months and man it’s hard. He is a really great guy but he is not fast tracking marriage. His ideal timeline is marriage in 2-3 years.

2-3 years? That's crazy. I don't think he's being realistic about this unless you are really young (18) and used to just making out. If he really wants to wait and has no other issues, he should be ready about now at 8 months or at a year. It sounds weird to me. I would push for engagement at a year if you really like him and if he doesn't want to, move on. Even traditional people have sex once they're engaged.

I bet she can do better even apart from his ridiculous marriage timeline.