Kid Chose Boarding School at Hotchkiss. I'm Torn, Nervous, and Regretting It

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin (athlete) goes there and loves it. He lives in Connecticut.

The wealth is pretty obscene though.

His dorm room is right over the golf green.

^ cousin’s kid I mean

[Anonymous]

DH went to prestigious boarding school and absolutely loved it. He said it changed his life. He was so well prepared for college that he ended up graduating first in his class from Ivy undergrad and second in his Ivy law school.

If you have a self motivated kid, then this could be a wonderful life-changing decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to local private schools but also got into Hotchkiss School in Connecticut. We went on the revisit days, and he fell in love with the place. He wanted to go, and we have allowed it and accepted the offer there. However, I am nervous and don't want to lose my 14 year old son this soon. I am feeling like I made a mistake in letting my son pursue boarding school, but it's too late now. Has anyone else experienced this?

Who is in charge of
The education of your kids? If you don’t like the idea don’t do it.

If she put down the deposit and signed a contract, then it is too late.

No it’s not. The school has a waitlist and would be happy to give the spot to the next in line. I went to boarding school and had lots of ups and downs. I would never send my kids. They are loving our local public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to local private schools but also got into Hotchkiss School in Connecticut. We went on the revisit days, and he fell in love with the place. He wanted to go, and we have allowed it and accepted the offer there. However, I am nervous and don't want to lose my 14 year old son this soon. I am feeling like I made a mistake in letting my son pursue boarding school, but it's too late now. Has anyone else experienced this?

Break it up into mental chunks. Sept to Thanksgiving. Then back two weeks and home for a month for Christmas. Just focus on the chunk in front of you.

Visit once or twice during the longer chunks.

+1 with the visits

[Anonymous]

My DC started at one of the mentioned boarding schools last year, and the transition couldn’t have gone more smoothly. They were about 90% on board but very nervous (so were we!!), especially in the week leading up to the start. We even told them they could come home after a year if it wasn’t the right fit.

They were maybe a little homesick for a week, but now we can barely get in touch with them—in the best way! When they’re home, they’re focused on family and so much more mature. They've even thanked us for encouraging them to go.

One major positive has been the real mentorship from older students. My child is now watching dorm friends and prefects apply to colleges, deal with both acceptances and rejections, and reflect on those experiences. It’s been an invaluable lesson. They are also interacting IRL vs gaming and phones - feels like the 80s/90s again.

High school and college prep can put a strain on parent-child relationships, but we’re letting our child find their own path—even if it means making some mistakes. Every child is different, and now we’re deciding whether to explore boarding school for DC2 - they are very different kids.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to local private schools but also got into Hotchkiss School in Connecticut. We went on the revisit days, and he fell in love with the place. He wanted to go, and we have allowed it and accepted the offer there. However, I am nervous and don't want to lose my 14 year old son this soon. I am feeling like I made a mistake in letting my son pursue boarding school, but it's too late now. Has anyone else experienced this?

It is never too late. You can always make a change. Is he happy at current school? That would be the deciding factor for me. If he is happy at current school I would keep him. If he applied out for a reason then I would look more into that and why he/you were looking at boarding.

[Anonymous]

I think that you should let him go, and also let him know that if he ever changes his mind he can come home and you can figure it out together.

I know several people for whom boarding school was the best four years of their life.

I think my life would have been better if I had gone to boarding school. It would have suited me. Trust your kiddo to know themself.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this is something your son really wants and you yank it away from him now, he will resent you forever.

Let him give it a try for a year. If it doesn’t work for *him* let him make that decision.

It’s hard to let go but it sounds like he’s really excited about it which may mean he’s ready.

Keep close contact though and pay attention to his mental health. There is a lot of drug abuse and promiscuity at boarding schools.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

What if they really want to go — and they’re abandoning you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

What if they really want to go — and they’re abandoning you?

14 yr olds want a lot of things. It's okay to say no to them. When I was 14 I wanted a nose ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

What if they really want to go — and they’re abandoning you?

Keep justifying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

What if they really want to go — and they’re abandoning you?

14 yr olds want a lot of things. It's okay to say no to them. When I was 14 I wanted a nose ring.

It IS ok, but in this case, the parent clearly supported the 14 year old’s application to boarding school in the first place. If they were going to say “No” because “14 yr olds want a lot of things” - it would have been been better for the kid if the parent had decided this BEFORE getting to this point. Saying “No” now, based solely on the parent’s nervousness and sense of impending loss will likely have repercussions. This is about the parent’s own issues — not at all about immature judgement on the part of the teen.

If your parents said “No” to your nose ring, I hope they did it before taking you to the piercing shop and signing the permission slip.

[Anonymous]

I went to a boarding school very similar to Hotchkiss... many years ago (20!). It was a stretch for my parents financially but I fell in love with the school and couldn't be talked out of it. The single best thing they EVER did for me. Academically, socially/emotionally. It was a formative experience that made me who I am today.

The wheels are in motion already for your child. At this point, I think you need to just ride the ride and hope it goes well. Parenting is tough, hang in there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine abandoning my 14 year old at a far away school.

What if they really want to go — and they’re abandoning you?

14 yr olds want a lot of things. It's okay to say no to them. When I was 14 I wanted a nose ring.

"No, please don't give me a wonderful education and great experiences with friends. Please keep me home and hope for the best because you aren't ready as a parent even if I'm mature enough to want to go."

OP, you will be just as nervous in 4 years when they leave for college. Letting them grow up IS nervewracking. If he changes his mind and is too homesick, there are ways to handle it then.