Kid Chose Boarding School at Hotchkiss. I'm Torn, Nervous, and Regretting It

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe my views on this are too provincial, but there are so few years left with your kid. I'd never send them away, without some pressing need beyond "what a great opportunity." Opportunity for what, networking with rich people? Similar academics can be had near home.

It is a provincial view, but it happens to be correct.

+1

[Anonymous]

My cousins went to Hotchkiss and loved it. Prepared them well for college and they got really involved on campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These discussions should've been had months ago. You've already accepted your spot there. Just let him have a year in Connecticut.

He will probably love Hotchkiss, by the way. I have experience with the boarding school world, and Hotchkiss is renowned for their close-knit and warm student body and supportive staff. I don't think I've ever met a Hotchkiss alumnus that hated the place. Conversely, I always meet Exeter and Andover alumni that hated their schools.

My friend in high school went to Hotchkiss. She liked it at first but then was miserable and came home before the school year was up. And it was all fine. If he wants to come home, let him. He can always go to your local public if you don't have a private option. It will all work out.

I wanted to go to boarding school and my parents said no. My reasoning was that my parents had a fairly unhappy marriage at that point in time and my mom was pretty depressed. I could not have expressed it at the time, but home was not a happy or healthy place when I was in high school. My parents were good parents during other parts of my life, but not high school. Of course I will never know, but I think I would have been better off in boarding school. Instead I woke up to an unhappy mom who would be irritated at me during breakfast and came home to an unhappy mom who hardly ever cooked meals or did anything else for mom. It was not good. It was like I was raising myself, but living at home.

Of course I have no idea what your situation is, OP. Just saying if your son is feeling he wants to get out, maybe he should.

[Anonymous]

Why would you give your children away - I will never understand the concept of boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These discussions should've been had months ago. You've already accepted your spot there. Just let him have a year in Connecticut.

He will probably love Hotchkiss, by the way. I have experience with the boarding school world, and Hotchkiss is renowned for their close-knit and warm student body and supportive staff. I don't think I've ever met a Hotchkiss alumnus that hated the place. Conversely, I always meet Exeter and Andover alumni that hated their schools.

My friend in high school went to Hotchkiss. She liked it at first but then was miserable and came home before the school year was up. And it was all fine. If he wants to come home, let him. He can always go to your local public if you don't have a private option. It will all work out.

I wanted to go to boarding school and my parents said no. My reasoning was that my parents had a fairly unhappy marriage at that point in time and my mom was pretty depressed. I could not have expressed it at the time, but home was not a happy or healthy place when I was in high school. My parents were good parents during other parts of my life, but not high school. Of course I will never know, but I think I would have been better off in boarding school. Instead I woke up to an unhappy mom who would be irritated at me during breakfast and came home to an unhappy mom who hardly ever cooked meals or did anything else for mom. It was not good. It was like I was raising myself, but living at home.

Of course I have no idea what your situation is, OP. Just saying if your son is feeling he wants to get out, maybe he should.

Way to project.

[Anonymous]

Solidarity, OP. We didn't think boarding school would be a consideration either. I won't get into details but I think it's the right fit for DC even though I'm secretly feeling a bit like you. If it doesn't work out, DC will either switch to the day program if allowed or we will take the financial hit and withdraw.

A lot of the commentors on here are being unnecessarily mean IMO.

[Anonymous]

Is home life plus day school better for your kid than boarding school? Well, that depends on the family and the local day school.

This is not just about the specific boarding school.

Think about your family life at home and the local day school. For a lot of us, that is the better environment.

[Anonymous]

One aspect for some kids (and I’m especially inclined to think many boys) that they find attractive is the independence. Some young men are hardwired to make their own decisions and the dynamic of being in their childhood bed, doing what their mom says, on someone else’s schedule etc…. Is just all too much. Some kids want to be in charge and at boarding- they really are in charge of themselves. Mom isn’t there to nag “eat this not that” at Bfast. They have to (get to!) manage their own afternoon schedules. How to get to practice on time. Find their own uniform and equipment. what a gift for those specific kids.

[Anonymous]

Hotchkiss is an incredible school. Your kid will be great. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boarding school (Groton) was the most traumatic experience of my life. Don't do it.
.

My DS was admitted to Groton, Deerfield, and multiple others (too lazy to write it out). The only one he hated and refused to consider was Groton. It has a reputation as a grind, nose down, competitive and unfriendly place. Not sure when you graduated, but sorry you had this experience.


Two sons who went to boarding schools and both loved it. If you had asked me when they were young if I would ever send them, I would have said no. It was very good for both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe my views on this are too provincial, but there are so few years left with your kid. I'd never send them away, without some pressing need beyond "what a great opportunity." Opportunity for what, networking with rich people? Similar academics can be had near home.

It is a provincial view, but it happens to be correct.

+1

You clearly just don't understand and are unwilling to understand.

It's fantastic for many kids.

OP, congrats to your son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boarding school (Groton) was the most traumatic experience of my life. Don't do it.
.

My DS was admitted to Groton, Deerfield, and multiple others (too lazy to write it out). The only one he hated and refused to consider was Groton. It has a reputation as a grind, nose down, competitive and unfriendly place. Not sure when you graduated, but sorry you had this experience.


Two sons who went to boarding schools and both loved it. If you had asked me when they were young if I would ever send them, I would have said no. It was very good for both of them.

I agree with this. It is soooo regulated and micro scheduled. Lack of privacy in the first two years. My guy wanted more fun!

[Anonymous]

One thing that struck me was the doors that boarding school opens for its alumni. I attended a talk from an alumnus of a top boarding school, he basically said his startup was saved because a fellow alumnus of the same boarding school took a chance on his company. He sold it for millions and is now retired at a relatively young age.

I didn't make those kind of connections at the high school level because my parents didn't want to pay for boarding school. Many of my high school classmates still live in the same town and never leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you give your children away - I will never understand the concept of boarding school.

It was invented by a class of people who had nurses and governesses to manage children in the home.

It also goes back to a time when people could be considered fully grown adults in their late teens and advanced education was hard to find nearby. Like the colonial frontier.

[Anonymous]

My cousin (athlete) goes there and loves it. He lives in Connecticut.

The wealth is pretty obscene though.

His dorm room is right over the golf green.