Kid Chose Boarding School at Hotchkiss. I'm Torn, Nervous, and Regretting It

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always try to parent for the 30 year old that my child will be. What will he say at 30 years old about the decision. Will he be resentful because he didn’t go? If there is any resentment, you will be explaining this decision for years to come. All of our opinions really don’t matter. What matters if he your child believes, wants, and what is right for them.

Yep. He will be resentful if boarding was a good fit. If you raided him right then he’s probably correct in wanting to go for better opportunities.

These parents who say 14 year olds must live with them are self important. Their kids don’t need them 24/7 like they think

This is such a warped view of parenting that I don’t even know where to start.

Nope. You’re judgmental and ignorant. Some kids are best off boarding. Others aren’t. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through the same thing after our daughter decided to go. Like “what have we done?”. And I went to boarding school!

It was an amazing experience for her. Trust his decision and go with it-but also nothing is permanent if he doesn’t like it.

Your feelings are normal. Many will stereotype parents who send their kids to boarding school as unloving, not close, etc. nothing could be farther from the truth on our end-we talk all the time, see them often and they have thanked us many times for the gift of going.

Yes this! Only now do I fully see how much I was at the center of my mother’s universe and what a big act of love it was for her to let me fly without expressing to me any sadness for herself or any doubts about my capabilities. Just support, encouragement, and “I believe in you.”

Sorry, I don't believe this one bit. Unless kid has a special academic need or talent that can only be nurtured in a boarding school environment, there is zero reason to send them away from home at that age. Particularly with excellent private options in the area. These are people happy to outsource parenting during the difficult teen years, when their kids need them most. I went to an Ivy with a number of boarding school kids. They were not close to their families, more like cordial acquaintances. And they grew up much too fast.

This was not my experience at all. I went to BS and my children went to BS. We all have the closest friendship/sisterhoods with our classmates and cherish the time with our families at home. Your experience is just a random outsider (envious?) observation.

Not remotely envious. I want to be with my kids during their precious few years before they leave home. Weird that you didn't.

+1 there is no rationalizing this decision unless the kid has some kind of special academic need or talent that can only be cultivated there.

Absolutely disagree. Considering that Hotchkiss is now the best boarding and private school in the country, you would think that you would want to give your kids the absolute best. My mom was like you, she wanted me to stay close and give up opportunities to do amazing things but away from my hometown (study abroad, graduate school, etc.). She's still an extremely selfish woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went through the same thing after our daughter decided to go. Like “what have we done?”. And I went to boarding school!

It was an amazing experience for her. Trust his decision and go with it-but also nothing is permanent if he doesn’t like it.

Your feelings are normal. Many will stereotype parents who send their kids to boarding school as unloving, not close, etc. nothing could be farther from the truth on our end-we talk all the time, see them often and they have thanked us many times for the gift of going.

Yes this! Only now do I fully see how much I was at the center of my mother’s universe and what a big act of love it was for her to let me fly without expressing to me any sadness for herself or any doubts about my capabilities. Just support, encouragement, and “I believe in you.”

Sorry, I don't believe this one bit. Unless kid has a special academic need or talent that can only be nurtured in a boarding school environment, there is zero reason to send them away from home at that age. Particularly with excellent private options in the area. These are people happy to outsource parenting during the difficult teen years, when their kids need them most. I went to an Ivy with a number of boarding school kids. They were not close to their families, more like cordial acquaintances. And they grew up much too fast.

This was not my experience at all. I went to BS and my children went to BS. We all have the closest friendship/sisterhoods with our classmates and cherish the time with our families at home. Your experience is just a random outsider (envious?) observation.

Not remotely envious. I want to be with my kids during their precious few years before they leave home. Weird that you didn't.

+1 there is no rationalizing this decision unless the kid has some kind of special academic need or talent that can only be cultivated there.

Absolutely disagree. Considering that Hotchkiss is now the best boarding and private school in the country, you would think that you would want to give your kids the absolute best. My mom was like you, she wanted me to stay close and give up opportunities to do amazing things but away from my hometown (study abroad, graduate school, etc.). She's still an extremely selfish woman.

Yep. A lot of critics here have outsize perceptions of how important they are to their children’s development. If you raised them properly, they can go off on their own in high school. If you didn’t rear them properly, then they will make poor decisions and fall to pieces.

[Anonymous]

Im sad for your kids that you feel the need to send them away.