Kid Chose Boarding School at Hotchkiss. I'm Torn, Nervous, and Regretting It

[Anonymous]

We looked at boarding schools on a lark—and our child fell in love with the whole idea: community, independence, a built in social life, extraordinary facilities. And an academic program (including a niche subject with multiple classes) that is not offered where we live.

So we also said yes! Our child also chose a school that is known for its community vibe. A phrase other boarding parents shared that helped me get right with it was, “We parents missed some things, but our child missed nothing.”

I want my child to be intellectually stimulated and enjoy a rich social life. They will be just turned 15 at the start of freshman year. I think it can be a great experience for a mature kid who is ready. We can chat when we want, text, visit or bring DC home for a long weekend when we miss each other. It’s going to be okay. It might be far better than ok! Support your child’s hopes and dreams. They can always come home, but isn’t it awesome to let them first try to fly?

—A new GLADCHEMMS ‘29 mom

[Anonymous]

I may be in the minority, but you’re the parent here. You don’t have to go through this with this. When I was 14, I begged for a dog. My mother put down a deposit on one, and late that day, while we were out shopping, she had me run into a shop. When I got out, she was on the phone canceling the deposit. It’s not quite the same, but I assure you it wasn’t traumatic and my mother knew best about what our family could handle. You don’t have to indulge your 14 year olds desire for boarding school - for so many legitimate reasons. Your kid will get over it. But you do need a backup plan as it sounds like you’ve burned bridges regarding the other options.

[Anonymous]

Your kid applied, visited, loved the school and wants to try the boarding experience! He’s excited to go - please give him a chance! I went to Exeter and it was life-changing. I absolutely loved it.

[Anonymous]

We went through the same thing after our daughter decided to go. Like “what have we done?”. And I went to boarding school!

It was an amazing experience for her. Trust his decision and go with it-but also nothing is permanent if he doesn’t like it.

Your feelings are normal. Many will stereotype parents who send their kids to boarding school as unloving, not close, etc. nothing could be farther from the truth on our end-we talk all the time, see them often and they have thanked us many times for the gift of going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We looked at boarding schools on a lark—and our child fell in love with the whole idea: community, independence, a built in social life, extraordinary facilities. And an academic program (including a niche subject with multiple classes) that is not offered where we live.

So we also said yes! Our child also chose a school that is known for its community vibe. A phrase other boarding parents shared that helped me get right with it was, “We parents missed some things, but our child missed nothing.”

I want my child to be intellectually stimulated and enjoy a rich social life. They will be just turned 15 at the start of freshman year. I think it can be a great experience for a mature kid who is ready. We can chat when we want, text, visit or bring DC home for a long weekend when we miss each other. It’s going to be okay. It might be far better than ok! Support your child’s hopes and dreams. They can always come home, but isn’t it awesome to let them first try to fly?

—A new GLADCHEMMS ‘29 mom

Your child missed time with their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We looked at boarding schools on a lark—and our child fell in love with the whole idea: community, independence, a built in social life, extraordinary facilities. And an academic program (including a niche subject with multiple classes) that is not offered where we live.

So we also said yes! Our child also chose a school that is known for its community vibe. A phrase other boarding parents shared that helped me get right with it was, “We parents missed some things, but our child missed nothing.”

I want my child to be intellectually stimulated and enjoy a rich social life. They will be just turned 15 at the start of freshman year. I think it can be a great experience for a mature kid who is ready. We can chat when we want, text, visit or bring DC home for a long weekend when we miss each other. It’s going to be okay. It might be far better than ok! Support your child’s hopes and dreams. They can always come home, but isn’t it awesome to let them first try to fly?

—A new GLADCHEMMS ‘29 mom

Your child missed time with their family.

This might be difficult for the affluent and privileged DCUM crowd to understand, but not everyone has a good home life. In fact, many boarding school kids are relieved to no longer be living at home.

[Anonymous]

My parents refused to let me look at boarding school. They could afford it, but they thought the local public school was good enough.

I really felt I missed out on this experience. I had a challenging home life, my parents were never around and I had a sibling who was mentally ill. I think I would have really thrived.

Let your son go and decide if he enjoys it.

[Anonymous]

I’m an Exeter grad who loved Hotchkiss! He may really thrive there— what a gift to let him learn and grow in such an enriching environment. I wish my husband were on board (and we could afford) boarding school, but it’s not in the cards for my two kids.

[Anonymous]

I know kids and graduates from boarding schools up and down the east coast plus a scattering of Canadian schools. The Hotchkiss kids are the only ones where I can go through the list of their names and have only positive things to say about each and every one of them.

Seriously! Every one of them is smart, balanced, and thoughtful/kind towards others.

This is good, OP! Congrats to your DS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boarding school (Groton) was the most traumatic experience of my life. Don't do it.
.

My kid went to Choate and loves it. Boarding school can be life-changing for the right person. The education is unparalleled.

Lol. I guess kid isn't telling you what Choate is really like.

[Anonymous]

No way.

[Anonymous]

Why is this even an issue? I would not mention boarding schools around my kid at all unless I was already fully on board.

[Anonymous]

It will be fantastic. I promise you. Both of my b/g twins went to boarding school ( different schools) and it was a great experience for all. And my twins have always been super close. The folks here who do not get boarding school usually do not know much about boarding school today. And a side note to the mom whose dh was against it—- so was mine yet I pushed ahead for what was right for the kids and he came around eventually (and boarding schools usually have way more $ for financial aid, you don’t know until you explore this world). My kids are so much the better for having had this experience. I’m actually somewhat sorry that I didn’t push harder for my eldest to go the boarding school route. He had gotten into Peddie and decided against it. ( also patent should never push a child to boarding school, that’s where the problems may come. It has to be what the kid wants)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to local private schools but also got into Hotchkiss School in Connecticut. We went on the revisit days, and he fell in love with the place. He wanted to go, and we have allowed it and accepted the offer there. However, I am nervous and don't want to lose my 14 year old son this soon. I am feeling like I made a mistake in letting my son pursue boarding school, but it's too late now. Has anyone else experienced this?

Did he apply to just one boarding school ? If yes, then why that particular boarding school ?

14 years old can be too young to trust others to raise your child.

If one has been accepted to local private schools within a reasonable commuting distance, then there needs to be another reason for one to attend boarding school in my opinion. Reasons vary from bad household to parents working abroad in a dangerous setting.

Hotchkiss is the one elite boarding school that seems obsessed with money. Lots of NYC IB wealth & the kids flaunt it.

Hotchkiss has its issues, and Groton certainly did !!! so I understand the Groton poster. Andover can be too intense academically.

Hotchkiss is different from many New England boarding schools in that almost all classes are held in a single building while many others have more college like campuses.

Recently, there has been a big hard-sell initiated by Hotchkiss related folks. Weird. Don't know why, but other websites are also showing threads on Hotchkiss with nothing but praise. The current headmaster will soon be leaving.

I understand OP's regret and worry. Too early to give up one's child unless there is a compelling reason (such as bad home situation or poor local schools or parents work abroad, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It will be fantastic. I promise you. Both of my b/g twins went to boarding school ( different schools) and it was a great experience for all. And my twins have always been super close. The folks here who do not get boarding school usually do not know much about boarding school today. And a side note to the mom whose dh was against it—- so was mine yet I pushed ahead for what was right for the kids and he came around eventually (and boarding schools usually have way more $ for financial aid, you don’t know until you explore this world). My kids are so much the better for having had this experience. I’m actually somewhat sorry that I didn’t push harder for my eldest to go the boarding school route. He had gotten into Peddie and decided against it. ( also patent should never push a child to boarding school, that’s where the problems may come. It has to be what the kid wants)

You have no idea that it will be “fantastic” for OPs child. Everything is not about you, PP