My kid witnessed another playdate - awkward - how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Get ready for a shift in behavior from these moms. Hopefully the kids relationships stay the same, but yours will not, after your texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.

Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

That was actually a pretty kind and truthful response. She acknowledged you and told you she reached her supervision limit. Please don't act further regarding hurt feelings. Put them aside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

You are very lucky that that mom was so understanding and reacted in such a kind way to your aggressive and selfish text. You are sounding like a big paranoid problem tbh with this crap about thinking that other mom should have "ownership of the behavior." What behavior? Hosting a play date that didn't include your daughter? FFS. Get a grip.

You need to help your child manage their emotions; she should not have been overreacting like this but give what you have been saying here, we might be seeing why. She is wildly upset because thinks she was purposely left out and that it is personal ... because she is getting that from you.

[Anonymous]

That mom sounds amazing! Her response was very perfect. You made a big faux pas and the other parent let it slip. Truthfully if I was the other parent, I would end the friendship. You made an innocent event into a stressful one and I don’t need extra stress in my life. You need to learn to smile and move on and teach your daughter the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

If you were worried about being edged out before, you ensured that will happen now. Bad move.

[Anonymous]

I pray this a joke. If not, I am so embarrased for you OP. Wow, what a huge mistake. Super cringe in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That mom sounds amazing! Her response was very perfect. You made a big faux pas and the other parent let it slip. Truthfully if I was the other parent, I would end the friendship. You made an innocent event into a stressful one and I don’t need extra stress in my life. You need to learn to smile and move on and teach your daughter the same!

Agreed. Chill and easy going people get invited to stuff. Needy and insecure and dramatic people don't. Don't be the latter, don't make your kid one either. Perfect lesson to build some resilience, grit and go with the flow character. I want to be that other mom. She made plans, stood her ground, marked specific boundaries. Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

You are very lucky that that mom was so understanding and reacted in such a kind way to your aggressive and selfish text. You are sounding like a big paranoid problem tbh with this crap about thinking that other mom should have "ownership of the behavior." What behavior? Hosting a play date that didn't include your daughter? FFS. Get a grip.

You need to help your child manage their emotions; she should not have been overreacting like this but give what you have been saying here, we might be seeing why. She is wildly upset because thinks she was purposely left out and that it is personal ... because she is getting that from you.

+1

It's not personal. It's reasonable to limit a playdate to three children, and it's reasonable not to include everyone every time.

OP, you really need to get a grip and teach your DD not to take these things personally.

If you keep pushing other parents, it *will* become personal.

[Anonymous]

And every mom at that school is going to hear this story. Now kid and mom are going to learn what intentional exclusion looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

I don’t understand why you keep saying you were advocating for your child. Your child wasn’t invited to something, which is going to happen a lot during her youth. You would have better served your daughter by explaining that everyone can’t be invited to everything. When Larla wasn’t available why didn’t you suggest inviting Susie rather than let her wallow in pity and making her feel like someone did something wrong to her.

Also, when you saw her friend leaving with another friend, why would your daughter have gone up and invited her over? It was clear that she had plans so all you did was make an awkward situation more awkward.

The other girl was invited by someone and accepted the invitation. There is nothing wrong with that. Texting the friend’s mother puts her in a really awkward situation and her response was totally fair and appropriate.

[Anonymous]

You guys are really piling on. Eventually, OP will come out of her haze of hurt to see things with better perspective. I also don’t think it’s as big of a faux pas or ostracizing situation that some of you might think. At least it wouldn’t be to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And every mom at that school is going to hear this story. Now kid and mom are going to learn what intentional exclusion looks like.

That other mom seemed gracious in her text response - maybe she's always a gracious person and won't tell people. Fingers crossed, for OP's kid's sake.

[Anonymous]

OP, this reminded me of a book I bought when my DD was just a toddler, “Dear Girl.” One of the pages literally reads “Dear girl, you won’t be invited to every single party on the planet. (Which is really okay. Can you imagine how exhausting that would be?)”

You need to chill out and act cool. Your insecurity is affecting your DD. I understand your feelings and even your DD’s. I wasn’t a popular kid, nor mom. But I’ve never done anything that you did because I recognized that it would just make things much worse. By the end, I came to realize that when I stopped being so attentive (to a degree that borderlines obsessive) to DD’s social life, she actually blossomed into a much tougher and more resilient child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's incredibly hurt, so I did send the mom a text (I do know her, it's not like I am a random parent she has never met before) saying that my DD was hurt that she couldn't have been included in the playdate, it was hard to watch the girls walk off without her, and next time, could she also join in. I was very kind about it but trying to advocate for my daughter.

OP I would not have done this. The mom didn't owe your DD a last-minute invitation. Maybe she didn't want too many kids at her house? This is not advocacy. It's not kind to the mom. It's just emotional manipulation.

Also, there's a phrase "snowplow parent." You should look it up because I think you might struggle with this. It means, a parent who wants to clear the path for their child, so their child doesn't experience loss or hurt or disappointment. Snowplow parents raise kids to become anxious, entitled, and non-resilient adults. It's something for you to think about. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was trying to advocate for my kid. She spent the afternoon alone crying while three friends were off having fun; how is that in any way fair? I am on the fence with how to respond to this girl's mother. She just responded with a "heart" emoji on my text and said, "I'm sorry she felt left out. Three kids is my max for playdate supervision. Hope we can see you soon." Not even an invite or any kind of ownership of the behavior.
Maybe I am being insecure or irrational but seeing your kid in tears, left out, visibly, hurts.

WTF - you have a weird perspective.