Should you push young kids in sports?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:DD8 plays travel soccer. She is ok. Not the best not the worst. I think if we pushed her more she could move up to the higher level teams. Is it worth it? I see other kids who are definitely pushed by their parents to do more practice individually outside of practice times or have private coaches. Not sure what the end goal is for an 8 year old.

FWIW I played travel everything growing up and loved it but never played in college.

Academics come first in our family however - both DH and I have masters or higher education and were high achievers throughout high school and college. Kids right now are doing very well in school.

Op your post reads like you are judging the families who are "pushing" their kids by questioning the end goal. At the same time, you are seemingly wondering if you should join them. And your line about you and DH and your academics seems weird and competitive.

Reading between the lines, I think you want her to be a superstar and are bummed she doesn't have the drive to do it. But remember.. she is very young. I wouldn't let her quit so she can have sleepovers with her friends but she should be choosing to go all in on a sport, not being forced.

Why wouldn't you let her quit to have sleepovers and free play/hang out time with friends? Why does that have no value anymore? Do you think organized activities trump unorganized or something?

Well specifically re: sleepovers, I personally dislike them and think they aren't really age appropriate for an eight year olds. My kid is very social and has never come home drama free.

I personally would not let my kid do no organized activities to just sit around and have playdates. Sports are good for learning teamwork and getting exercise, and yes, keeping them off screens or out of trouble. If she wanted to do something in lieu of soccer, totally different.

Not saying that activities are bad, but I don't know why you thinking "sitting around doing playdates" is a bad thing? There's nothing wrong with free play or free hang out time for older kids.

[Anonymous]

I think you should encourage and expose. Not push.

[Anonymous]

I didn't say I think downtime is bad. But never doing anything structured isn't good either. Just my opinion.

I have two very different kids - oldest is very active and social. Loves organized activities and is into a sport. She will never be a superstar at it unless something changes but she doesn't care. She loves it!!

My youngest is ADHD/ASD. Holding it together at school all day is very hard for him and he needs downtime. So he does a lot less than she does. We still have him in one thing a season because structured social opportunities are vital for him and at his age, a lot of it is life skills - swimming for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say I think downtime is bad. But never doing anything structured isn't good either. Just my opinion.

I have two very different kids - oldest is very active and social. Loves organized activities and is into a sport. She will never be a superstar at it unless something changes but she doesn't care. She loves it!!

My youngest is ADHD/ASD. Holding it together at school all day is very hard for him and he needs downtime. So he does a lot less than she does. We still have him in one thing a season because structured social opportunities are vital for him and at his age, a lot of it is life skills - swimming for example.

Why do you think not doing anything structured or organized isn't good? I respect your opinion, but some kids arent joiners.

[Anonymous]

There are sports where an early push from parents is almost a prerequisite to reaching the highest levels - girls' gymnastics and figure skating come to mind. Reaching the highest levels is virtually impossible if your daughter doesn't start young with quality coaching and a good training schedule. Casual participation is perfectly fine, but there should be no illusion that starting figure skating at 8 years old with 1-2 hours of practice twice weekly will get you beyond beginner levels. We can debate whether these sports are healthy for young girls, but parents who want to give their daughters legitimate opportunities to be competitive have to push a little by starting early and finding the right coaches and training environments.

OP's daughter plays soccer, which has a longer timeline to develop, but soccer has become so competitive that you still have to start early and find a good program for development. Again, we can debate whether striving for an ECNL team is healthy and a good goal for girls. But if it is your goal, you'll find that many players who made it there had parents who were pretty active in getting their kids into the best training environment from a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't say I think downtime is bad. But never doing anything structured isn't good either. Just my opinion.

I have two very different kids - oldest is very active and social. Loves organized activities and is into a sport. She will never be a superstar at it unless something changes but she doesn't care. She loves it!!

My youngest is ADHD/ASD. Holding it together at school all day is very hard for him and he needs downtime. So he does a lot less than she does. We still have him in one thing a season because structured social opportunities are vital for him and at his age, a lot of it is life skills - swimming for example.

Why do you think not doing anything structured or organized isn't good? I respect your opinion, but some kids arent joiners.

I think it teaches them to be a part of something, have a commitment to a team/group, explore interests and gain skills. And for kids like my DS, it is almost impossible for him to play unstructured with true peers (for now, he is young) so an art or swim class is a great way for him to interact with kids outside of school in an unstructured setting. Also the reality of our neighborhood and this point in time is the vast majority of elementary kids do some activity so finding those spontaneous playdates on a weeknight is rare. We do a lot of that on weekend afternoons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think "pushing" is worthwhile to try, with the caveat that it needs to be appropriate to the child's potential and skillset. That is, you can't expect a kid to go beyond what they were built to do, both physically and cognitively. Time will give you the answer to that. Sometimes it's difficult for ambitious parents to recognize that an investment in time and effort has run its course, and sometimes it's self-evident and everyone accepts it easily.

If they are talented and love it there is no need to push. They already do their best. Your child is an average player. Accept it and let her enjoy playing the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think "pushing" is worthwhile to try, with the caveat that it needs to be appropriate to the child's potential and skillset. That is, you can't expect a kid to go beyond what they were built to do, both physically and cognitively. Time will give you the answer to that. Sometimes it's difficult for ambitious parents to recognize that an investment in time and effort has run its course, and sometimes it's self-evident and everyone accepts it easily.

If they are talented and love it there is no need to push. They already do their best. Your child is an average player. Accept it and let her enjoy playing the game.

When people say "push" in soccer, they imply things like adding in summer camps or clinics, maybe a semi-private skills coach, and speed training. Kids usually don't have the skills to find these opportunities independently until they are teenagers. Parents do it for them when they are younger. These things are pretty common among affluent kids on top teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids who play baseball.

One practices everyday and is the best player on his team and probably the league. The other couldn't care any less about baseball and won't practice.

What would be the point of pushing the one who doesn't want to practice? He doesn't care and it would only make him resent me.

I have a feeling you’re signing up the kid for baseball even though he has no interest for baseball. Have you ever looked beyond sports for your kids who’s not liking baseball? There’s a whole big world out there beyond sports where kids have activities that they love.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don't push and let her have a life outside of sports

This. My kid's friends who do soccer have no time for anything else, it takes over evenings and weekends. Even though she likes it, I personally would consider dropping it for something less all-consuming. It's important to me that my kid have time for other things.

I agree with you, but it’s kid dependent. If the kid is going to use their free time for truly rejuvenating things (sleeping, socializing, family time, hobbies, roaming around and staring at clouds) that’s fine. But if they are going to be on their phone the whole time, it’s probably better to overschedule them.

As parents we really do have a choice that is not either of unlimited screen time or overscheduling. You can just tell your kid to go be bored until they find out that staring at clouds isn't so bad.

- parent with kids in activities who also stare at clouds and occasionally get screen time

How old are your kids?

Teen, tween, younger ES. So not as young as you're thinking.

LOL. If you don’t think that over scheduling some teens is preferable to letting them “stare at clouds” then you must not have met many teens. Some of them will be staring at the wrong kinds of clouds if you let them get too bored.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure your kids are perfect and would never be tempted to do the wrong thing, but I would expect a mother of three to not be so smug and maybe be smart enough to understand that kids are all different.

So, overscheduling is ok because it might keep kids out of trouble? Don't you think that could also be detrimental?

You’re taking a weird all-or-nothing stance on this. It comes down to knowing your kid. Two of mine can easily occupy themselves in productive (or at a minimum not actively harmful) ways, but the third? Yeah, we’ll keep that kid as busy as we possibly can for as long as we can. If nothing else, the structure is good for this particular child.

I don't think my stance is all or nothing. An above commenter has an all or nothing stance imo. They said they'd rather overschedule their kid rather than them being bored and causing trouble. To me, that's an all or nothing stance.

That’s because they know their own kid. They’re not telling you to overschedule your kid. They’re pushing back against the poster(s) saying that it is NEVER a good idea to overschedule a kid. Sometimes it’s a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH's nieces and nephews were all heavily involved in travel basketball and soccer, to the point where it consumed their families lives and they traveled all over the greater west coast for them. Only 1 continued to play in college and it's for a DIII school that she could have easily been accepted to without soccer. To think of all those thousands of dollars and hours wasted...

1. Not everything is some scheme to get into college. Many people who post here seem to think that college is the be-all, end-all goal of childhood. Many kids (and their parents) just genuinely enjoy sports. If they play in college, great, but that’s not the reason they’re playing now.

2. Do you consider any hobbies or activities that one doesn’t pursue for life to be a waste of time and money? If your kid played in their high school band, traveled for competitions and festivals, and then dropped the instrument when high school was over would you consider their experience to be nothing but a waste of time and money? Or is it JUST athletics that are held to this (IMO rather sad and joyless) standard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids who play baseball.

One practices everyday and is the best player on his team and probably the league. The other couldn't care any less about baseball and won't practice.

What would be the point of pushing the one who doesn't want to practice? He doesn't care and it would only make him resent me.

I have a feeling you’re signing up the kid for baseball even though he has no interest for baseball. Have you ever looked beyond sports for your kids who’s not liking baseball? There’s a whole big world out there beyond sports where kids have activities that they love.

It's normal for parents to sign their kids up for things they enjoy and then course-correct over time. My last kid is not an athlete, unlike their parents and siblings. We had enough points of reference to figure this out early and get them on a softer course with recreation-level sports to stay healthy, and it turns out they love theater and art. And honestly, it's a relief to be off the youth sports treadmill with my youngest. I am so tired.

[Anonymous]

Your kid will never be elite OP FULL STOP

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Don't push and let her have a life outside of sports

This. My kid's friends who do soccer have no time for anything else, it takes over evenings and weekends. Even though she likes it, I personally would consider dropping it for something less all-consuming. It's important to me that my kid have time for other things.

I agree with you, but it’s kid dependent. If the kid is going to use their free time for truly rejuvenating things (sleeping, socializing, family time, hobbies, roaming around and staring at clouds) that’s fine. But if they are going to be on their phone the whole time, it’s probably better to overschedule them.

As parents we really do have a choice that is not either of unlimited screen time or overscheduling. You can just tell your kid to go be bored until they find out that staring at clouds isn't so bad.

- parent with kids in activities who also stare at clouds and occasionally get screen time

How old are your kids?

Teen, tween, younger ES. So not as young as you're thinking.

LOL. If you don’t think that over scheduling some teens is preferable to letting them “stare at clouds” then you must not have met many teens. Some of them will be staring at the wrong kinds of clouds if you let them get too bored.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure your kids are perfect and would never be tempted to do the wrong thing, but I would expect a mother of three to not be so smug and maybe be smart enough to understand that kids are all different.

So, overscheduling is ok because it might keep kids out of trouble? Don't you think that could also be detrimental?

You’re taking a weird all-or-nothing stance on this. It comes down to knowing your kid. Two of mine can easily occupy themselves in productive (or at a minimum not actively harmful) ways, but the third? Yeah, we’ll keep that kid as busy as we possibly can for as long as we can. If nothing else, the structure is good for this particular child.

I don't think my stance is all or nothing. An above commenter has an all or nothing stance imo. They said they'd rather overschedule their kid rather than them being bored and causing trouble. To me, that's an all or nothing stance.

That’s because they know their own kid. They’re not telling you to overschedule your kid. They’re pushing back against the poster(s) saying that it is NEVER a good idea to overschedule a kid. Sometimes it’s a great idea.

Ok I'll probably regret opening this can of worms, but why is overscheduling ever a good thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD8 plays travel soccer. She is ok. Not the best not the worst. I think if we pushed her more she could move up to the higher level teams. Is it worth it? I see other kids who are definitely pushed by their parents to do more practice individually outside of practice times or have private coaches. Not sure what the end goal is for an 8 year old.

FWIW I played travel everything growing up and loved it but never played in college.

Academics come first in our family however - both DH and I have masters or higher education and were high achievers throughout high school and college. Kids right now are doing very well in school.

OP, with all due respect, I find this whole post a bit off-putting. It sounds like one way or another there's going to be pressure put on your DD, be it academic pressure based on you and your DH's high academic achievements, or in sports. Your DD is 8 years old and it sounds like she's doing fine at soccer for a girl that age, and you also state that she is doing well in school. I know this will likely fall on deaf ears, but please just let her enjoying play sports she likes at her own pace, and exploring academics and learning while she's excelling without parental intervention. Not everything in life is about goals and achievement, especially at age 8, and it sounds like she's on her way to figuring that out.

- A mom who has two sons who are both on high school honor role and play high school sports, but never did travel leagues.