Boyfriend wants to control me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

Why aren't you paying for housing and all housing related expenses. That is typically a major adult life expense and if you are absolving yourself of that adult basic responsiblity then it seems he has good reason for concern. Similar if he is absolving himself of all household responsibilites and contributes nothing to cooking, cleaning and house maintenance then you also have a reason for concern - just a different reason. You are young, unmarried adults. You should both be able to manage basic adulting. You should have equal financial responsibilities and he should have equal household responsiblities and if you have decided no we are more into traditional gender roles then don't compain when he takes charge of the role he has been assigned.

I offered to split all bills 50/50 but he said no. He wanted to continue to pay the main bills because that’s his job as a provider ( his words). I didn’t want to pay nothing so we came to the agreement that I will pay groceries, outings, and my own personal bills.

I’ve always paid my own way since I moved out at 20. I’m 25 and lived on my own for years as an adult.

My bf is older and said a lot of this stuff is his responsibility. He’s 34.

So you want a traditional relationship since you agreed to this? But then you also object to him having say over how you spend the money. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. Women who are grown and independent pay their own bills.

Yeah part of being a tradwife is giving him control over all of the finances. That’s the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it and moved in! That's not control. She agreed to it.

It’s his subsequent actions that show it is all part of a controlling pattern.

Trying to control a woman’s finances - including by insisting she should be dependent financially - IS financial abuse. It’s not generosity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

She has a 25% savings rate.

How much do you make, OP? If you have a good salary and save 25% of it, you are probably doing far better than 99% of other women, so if you leave, he'll downgrade. Maybe he would be happier with a woman who earns little but saves a lot. One who shops at Target doesn't wear makeup or put any other costly effort into her appearance.

I think a 25% savings rate is fine and he hasn't even proposed so he doesn't get to criticize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

Why aren't you paying for housing and all housing related expenses. That is typically a major adult life expense and if you are absolving yourself of that adult basic responsiblity then it seems he has good reason for concern. Similar if he is absolving himself of all household responsibilites and contributes nothing to cooking, cleaning and house maintenance then you also have a reason for concern - just a different reason. You are young, unmarried adults. You should both be able to manage basic adulting. You should have equal financial responsibilities and he should have equal household responsiblities and if you have decided no we are more into traditional gender roles then don't compain when he takes charge of the role he has been assigned.

I offered to split all bills 50/50 but he said no. He wanted to continue to pay the main bills because that’s his job as a provider ( his words). I didn’t want to pay nothing so we came to the agreement that I will pay groceries, outings, and my own personal bills.

I’ve always paid my own way since I moved out at 20. I’m 25 and lived on my own for years as an adult.

My bf is older and said a lot of this stuff is his responsibility. He’s 34.

So you want a traditional relationship since you agreed to this? But then you also object to him having say over how you spend the money. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. Women who are grown and independent pay their own bills.

Yeah part of being a tradwife is giving him control over all of the finances. That’s the deal.

She didn’t say she wanted it. Sounds like she got tricked into it, or at least now realizes it’s a bad deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

Then we are back to the question of why is she posting if she feels he is controlling her. She’s identified the problem. She needs to leave and stop agreeing to him paying her rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

So the lesson is here, pay for your own shit if you don't want to be controlled. Don't agree to a sweet deal only to cry a month later how he is "controlling" you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

Then we are back to the question of why is she posting if she feels he is controlling her. She’s identified the problem. She needs to leave and stop agreeing to him paying her rent.

Oh great, you’re such a genius. No woman ever has ever ended up in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

Oh great, now we are back to she is just a woman - she isn't capable of making her own decisions or being responsible for her choices. Why are people thinking she could make her own decisions? Everything is his fault. You can't fault her or put any responsiblity on her - she is just a woman. And everyone knows all a woman can be is a helpless, hapless, naive victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

Why aren't you paying for housing and all housing related expenses. That is typically a major adult life expense and if you are absolving yourself of that adult basic responsiblity then it seems he has good reason for concern. Similar if he is absolving himself of all household responsibilites and contributes nothing to cooking, cleaning and house maintenance then you also have a reason for concern - just a different reason. You are young, unmarried adults. You should both be able to manage basic adulting. You should have equal financial responsibilities and he should have equal household responsiblities and if you have decided no we are more into traditional gender roles then don't compain when he takes charge of the role he has been assigned.

I offered to split all bills 50/50 but he said no. He wanted to continue to pay the main bills because that’s his job as a provider ( his words). I didn’t want to pay nothing so we came to the agreement that I will pay groceries, outings, and my own personal bills.

I’ve always paid my own way since I moved out at 20. I’m 25 and lived on my own for years as an adult.

My bf is older and said a lot of this stuff is his responsibility. He’s 34.

So you want a traditional relationship since you agreed to this? But then you also object to him having say over how you spend the money. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. Women who are grown and independent pay their own bills.

Yeah part of being a tradwife is giving him control over all of the finances. That’s the deal.

She didn’t say she wanted it. Sounds like she got tricked into it, or at least now realizes it’s a bad deal.

Sounds like you're making stuff up to fit your own narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

So the lesson is here, pay for your own shit if you don't want to be controlled. Don't agree to a sweet deal only to cry a month later how he is "controlling" you.

It wasn’t a “sweet deal” d*ckhead. That’s the point. Now OP knows.

You seem to think the fact that he paid her rent means she deserves to be controlled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

She has a 25% savings rate.

How much do you make, OP? If you have a good salary and save 25% of it, you are probably doing far better than 99% of other women, so if you leave, he'll downgrade. Maybe he would be happier with a woman who earns little but saves a lot. One who shops at Target doesn't wear makeup or put any other costly effort into her appearance.

I think a 25% savings rate is fine and he hasn't even proposed so he doesn't get to criticize it.

That % would be a lot smaller if she was paying for her own housing. Why is she using him to subsidize her spending/saving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

Then we are back to the question of why is she posting if she feels he is controlling her. She’s identified the problem. She needs to leave and stop agreeing to him paying her rent.

Oh great, you’re such a genius. No woman ever has ever ended up in an abusive relationship.

Oh brother. SO GET OUT!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he is trying to control you financially. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Lol. Maybe if she paid rent.

he was the one who insisted she didn’t pay rent because he is a “provider”. That was part of the control.

And she agreed to it. A grown woman.

Plenty of grown women end up in abusive/controlling relationships. This is exactly how it happens - the problems begin when it is harder to exit.

So the lesson is here, pay for your own shit if you don't want to be controlled. Don't agree to a sweet deal only to cry a month later how he is "controlling" you.

It wasn’t a “sweet deal” d*ckhead. That’s the point. Now OP knows.

You seem to think the fact that he paid her rent means she deserves to be controlled.

Someone paying my rent and utilities is absolutely a sweet deal. What planet do you live on. She just wants her cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh great, now we are back to she is just a woman - she isn't capable of making her own decisions or being responsible for her choices. Why are people thinking she could make her own decisions? Everything is his fault. You can't fault her or put any responsiblity on her - she is just a woman. And everyone knows all a woman can be is a helpless, hapless, naive victim.

Women, even smart women, end up in abusive situations. Most normal people are interested in helping them get out, but you seem to be getting off at kicking someone when she’s down. why is that?