Boyfriend wants to control me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are far more practical about money. Women tend to spend whatever is put in their hands. He has a point, OP. He is observing how you spend money and wondering: Would I want to marry this woman who doesn't seem to have very good self-control over her own spending? Your debts would become his debts, you know. Men don't want a woman who will run up random bills. That's just the way they are, OP.

I don’t have debts. I’m 25 and have zero debts. Paid my way through college and already paid off the small loan I took out. Car is paid off. I bought a condo and sold it 3 years later and made a large profit off of it. I already have a half a year’s salary worth in my 401k and Roth IRA. I have close to $200k in savings.

I don’t sponge off my bf. He wants to pay the bills. I pay some and the rent portion I would pay him is set aside in a savings account for when we get married. I’m contributing monthly to plan for a wedding and a down payment on a home.

He thinks makeup is nasty and prefers I not wear it. He thinks the manicure is dumb. He supports my basic skincare because it’s an investment in my future looks. Massage is helpful.

I’ve always thought that he is just trying to get me to stop wearing makeup. He hates and prefers the days I don’t wear it.

He’s happy. He has a girlfriend who loves him, an equal partner, and he gets sex whenever he wants it. Most 34 year old men don’t have that.

Oh and we won’t be having kids. Neither of us want them.

You're not an equal partner. You both can do better

[Anonymous]

You are absolutely correct that your boyfriend IS being controlling.

You have every right to spend YOUR $$ anyway that you desire w/o having to answer to him or anyone about it.

Talk to your man + stress this to him.
Let him know that he really needs to cut back on his unsolicited comments on how you spend your money, etc.

Hopefully he will w/o resorting to passive/aggressiveness techniques.
If he cannot - then yes definitely move out.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

She has a 25% savings rate.

How much do you make, OP? If you have a good salary and save 25% of it, you are probably doing far better than 99% of other women, so if you leave, he'll downgrade. Maybe he would be happier with a woman who earns little but saves a lot. One who shops at Target doesn't wear makeup or put any other costly effort into her appearance.

I think a 25% savings rate is fine and he hasn't even proposed so he doesn't get to criticize it.

I make $175k. I save between $25-30k/yr.

That’s a fair amount but it’s nowhere near 25% (which is what you originally said you save). And is that in tax deferred or after-tax accounts?

25% of $175,000 is $43,750 fwiw. Your savings rate is closer to 15%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

She has a 25% savings rate.

How much do you make, OP? If you have a good salary and save 25% of it, you are probably doing far better than 99% of other women, so if you leave, he'll downgrade. Maybe he would be happier with a woman who earns little but saves a lot. One who shops at Target doesn't wear makeup or put any other costly effort into her appearance.

I think a 25% savings rate is fine and he hasn't even proposed so he doesn't get to criticize it.

I make $175k. I save between $25-30k/yr.

That’s a fair amount but it’s nowhere near 25% (which is what you originally said you save). And is that in tax deferred or after-tax accounts?

25% of $175,000 is $43,750 fwiw. Your savings rate is closer to 15%.

I said 25% because I included my 401k and Roth IRA into the mix. I max out both each year and still save $25-30k/yr. That’s after taxes and healthcare taken out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

Where did you get $83 on toothpaste? You say I’m bad at math but you can’t comprehend basic English or even add. How did you get $83 on toothpaste?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

How did you get $83 on toothpaste from what op said? That doesn’t even add up, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

Where did you get $83 on toothpaste? You say I’m bad at math but you can’t comprehend basic English or even add. How did you get $83 on toothpaste?

$150-$67 =$83.00

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

Where did you get $83 on toothpaste? You say I’m bad at math but you can’t comprehend basic English or even add. How did you get $83 on toothpaste?

You’re really slow. How you got $83 on toothpaste is beyond me.

Do you not understand $100 spread over 3 months is roughly $33/mo.? Clearly you can’t understand that op said she spends $100 every 3 months for all these necessities. Max of $150 if she splurges on better body wash and hair care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
See a Dermatologist if you aren't..
You're spending too much on skin care.

How is that too much? I don’t have skin issues. I believe in prevention and taking acre of my skin before I’m old and look bad like some women I know.

I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

All that comes out to $67. You are extraordinarily bad at math. You clearly don’t know what you’re spending, at all, even a little bit.

No. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I only include the skincare - that came out to $67. That isn’t including the hair and oral care I include in the $100-150. I spend around $100 every 3 months and that comes out to $33/mo.

Learn to read before you try one upping someone. You’re not very brought if you can’t understand what I wrote.

You spend $83 on toothpaste? Lolol right right babe, keep digging that troll hole

Where did you get $83 on toothpaste? You say I’m bad at math but you can’t comprehend basic English or even add. How did you get $83 on toothpaste?

$150-$67 =$83.00

Oh man. I will say this one last time since you can’t understand basic English.

I spend $100-150 every 3 months. Most of the time it’s $100 every 3 months. It’s only $150 if I buy a nicer body wash and fancy shampoo. That’s rare.

The $100 every 3 months includes

$10 - body wash/face wash
$20 - vitamin c serum
$12 - sunscreen
$5 - micellar water
$20 - lotion
$8 - Shampoo/conditioner
$6 - deodorant
$6 - tooth paste
$2 - Floss
$3 - Tongue scraper
$8 - Mouthwash

That comes out to roughly $100 every 3 months. It goes up to $150 if I splurge on body wash and hair care but that rarely ever happens.

So no $83 on toothpaste, but any normal adult should have been able to understand that.





I wash my face with my body wash most of the time. It’s a gentle unscented soap ($10). In the mornings I use a vitamin c serum that’s like $20 and a cheap sunscreen like neutrogena ( $12). I use micellar water ($5) at night to take off makeup and wash face again with body wash. Then a moisturizer I use for all over my body. La Roche Posay. It’s like $20.

The $100-150 ( depending on if I splurge on a nice body wash) includes facial care, body care, deodorant, and hair care. It also includes oral care like toothpaste, floss, tongue scraper, and mouthwash. All of this lasts me about 3 months so about $33 per month for skin, body, hair, and oral care. That’s not expensive.

[Anonymous]

So funny.

You are arguing with the wrong person

Give your list to your boyfriend and let him see what you spend your money on. Then ask him how much housing costs and figure how much you owe him for last month and how much you are going to kick in from now on.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all of the replies, but your boyfriend is 9 years older? And criticizing your spending? I think that is controlling. If you were my daughter or my friend I would tell you the same thing. Men "who don't like any makeup" turn into abusive husbands 9 out of 10 times in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So funny.

You are arguing with the wrong person

Give your list to your boyfriend and let him see what you spend your money on. Then ask him how much housing costs and figure how much you owe him for last month and how much you are going to kick in from now on.

A heck of a lot more than body wash and moisturizer!

Op you have no real leg to stand on here. You are letting this man pay for your basic living expenses and HE thinks you spend too much. Whether you’re being truthful with how much you spend (completely opposite to your op I might add), your beef is with him. It doesn’t seem like many pps support your position that you let him pay for everything and you do whatever you want. And it doesn’t seem like he himself supports that. So you need to go back to the drawing board here.

[Anonymous]

Drop this dude. You are guys are not compatible. That’s that on that. Dude knew who you were when he met you. Now that you’ve moved in, he’s changed the game. I would roll out. Wouldn’t even waste time trying to compromise on this.