Boyfriend wants to control me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Who moved in with a loser and can't say no to him? Yeah, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

No. I’m just a grown woman who makes my own money and don’t feel my spending needs to be monitored by a man who isn’t even my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

No. I’m just a grown woman who makes my own money and don’t feel my spending needs to be monitored by a man who isn’t even my husband.

So break up with him. What is the issue here, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you picked an idiot for a boyfriend. Ditch him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

This.

If you're paying your fair part towards the shared expenses (rent, food, utilities, etc.) then just tell him you are also saving, can afford it, and don't need any further comment from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

No. I’m just a grown woman who makes my own money and don’t feel my spending needs to be monitored by a man who isn’t even my husband.

You’ve answered your own Q. Why are you posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

No. I’m just a grown woman who makes my own money and don’t feel my spending needs to be monitored by a man who isn’t even my husband.

So break up with him. What is the issue here, exactly?

I know, right? I am always baffled by posters who present a problem and then get overly defensive with their already-established stance on the issue. If you have it all figured out, why are you even posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

So you're living rent-free off of your boyfriend? And you want to assert equal footing in the relationship. You gave him the control, dear.

[Anonymous]

He's a boyfriend, not a husband. If you're not compatible why did you move in with him?

[Anonymous]

That isn't about control, that is about compromise, and discussion and trying to find a way for two different values and beliefs and opinions and experiences in life to coexist.

Figuring out compatibility takes time, especially for financial compatibility.

But no, the fact that he budgets more carefully and is more of a saver and you are more of a spender doesn't make him controlling. If your goal is to turn two individuals into a couple, you have to work through these differences, not label and criticize and name call.

[Anonymous]

Wait, OP, did you pay rent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you an as generous with equally shouldering bills and expenses or is he covering more than his half because you like to live it up and save?

He has been covering his bills. I buy our groceries and pay anytime we go out. I pay my own car insurance, gas, and my own phone bill. I also have taken over in other areas. I do almost all the cooking, laundry, and shopping for us. We came to this agreement because he said I didn’t need to pay for what he was already paying.

Why aren't you paying for housing and all housing related expenses. That is typically a major adult life expense and if you are absolving yourself of that adult basic responsiblity then it seems he has good reason for concern. Similar if he is absolving himself of all household responsibilites and contributes nothing to cooking, cleaning and house maintenance then you also have a reason for concern - just a different reason. You are young, unmarried adults. You should both be able to manage basic adulting. You should have equal financial responsibilities and he should have equal household responsiblities and if you have decided no we are more into traditional gender roles then don't compain when he takes charge of the role he has been assigned.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to live your entire rest of your life having your credit card bill reviewed with a fine tooth comb by this stingy loser? Having all your purchases ridiculed? He’s been like this after one month, it’s not going to get better and if anything will likely get worse. I’d get out while you can. It’s YOUR money, he can f*** right off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to class, OP.

I’m a grown woman. You go sit down.

Your spending habits suggest that of a pampered child.

Leave, please, he can do better.

No. I’m just a grown woman who makes my own money and don’t feel my spending needs to be monitored by a man who isn’t even my husband.

Don't tell me you didn't notice it before moving in if you dated a required year. Anyhow, live and learn and move on if it doesn't work for you.