Parents, do you allow your college age boy live in the same bedroom with his girlfriend in your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

To be fair, if they aren't financially independent the parents have to bear the consequences of their actions.

Which has nothing to do with the few nights there at your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

To be fair, if they aren't financially independent the parents have to bear the consequences of their actions.

That's not much of an argument. It's not even a good "to be fair." It seems then the argument is that they don't learn to make good choices or independent decisions until they're completely financially independent? That seems like a really bad idea.

And it's a straw man because we know that's not the reason parents are trying to control behavior of adults. (And please do not come at me with they are not adults unless they're fully paying for absolutely everything. That is a specious argument)

Why should 21-year-olds get treated with full adult privileges if they can't even support themselves? We don't care to promote serious relationships before the kids are done with college and in a position to support themselves, so bringing a girlfriend or boyfriend home would be out of line.

Because it's theatrical and performative. Do stay at home parents not get treated as adults? Do people on disability not get adult privileges? How about thirty year old married couples who need a loan from their parents for a down payment?

You want to force your values on an adult child and use money to try to control it. It's never going to end well

I have a great relationship with my parents, who didn't allow us to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend on vacations or sleep in the same room at their home before marriage. My parents also didn't give me a loan for a downpayment at 30, but I did use the education they provided to get a good job and save my own money. They did enforce their rules while I was on their dime during college and graduate school. I respected their rules. We remained close then and now. All my siblings and I launched into real adults in our twenties who didn't need financial support from our parents after we graduated. We all got married and had kids. If your family values are different, fine, but our family values have worked very well for us and I intend to parent my own children in the same way.

What “values” ?… you haven’t mentioned any values in your post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

To be fair, if they aren't financially independent the parents have to bear the consequences of their actions.

That's not much of an argument. It's not even a good "to be fair." It seems then the argument is that they don't learn to make good choices or independent decisions until they're completely financially independent? That seems like a really bad idea.

And it's a straw man because we know that's not the reason parents are trying to control behavior of adults. (And please do not come at me with they are not adults unless they're fully paying for absolutely everything. That is a specious argument)

Why should 21-year-olds get treated with full adult privileges if they can't even support themselves? We don't care to promote serious relationships before the kids are done with college and in a position to support themselves, so bringing a girlfriend or boyfriend home would be out of line.

Because it's theatrical and performative. Do stay at home parents not get treated as adults? Do people on disability not get adult privileges? How about thirty year old married couples who need a loan from their parents for a down payment?

You want to force your values on an adult child and use money to try to control it. It's never going to end well

I have a great relationship with my parents, who didn't allow us to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend on vacations or sleep in the same room at their home before marriage. My parents also didn't give me a loan for a downpayment at 30, but I did use the education they provided to get a good job and save my own money. They did enforce their rules while I was on their dime during college and graduate school. I respected their rules. We remained close then and now. All my siblings and I launched into real adults in our twenties who didn't need financial support from our parents after we graduated. We all got married and had kids. If your family values are different, fine, but our family values have worked very well for us and I intend to parent my own children in the same way.

What “values” ?… you haven’t mentioned any values in your post

The value of controlling adults of course!

[Anonymous]

separate rooms!!!

They should have a little respect for YOUR house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:separate rooms!!!

They should have a little respect for YOUR house.

Totally. Even now, when I stay at my parent's house as an older adult child, I still respect their rules and quirks. We don't wear shoes in their house. We don't leave dirty dishes in their sink. We don't bring any alcohol because one of them is sober and the other never drank, so they don't want it there. Our kids know the drill, too. Anytime we stay in someone else's house, which is rare, we show respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:separate rooms!!!

They should have a little respect for YOUR house.

Totally. Even now, when I stay at my parent's house as an older adult child, I still respect their rules and quirks. We don't wear shoes in their house. We don't leave dirty dishes in their sink. We don't bring any alcohol because one of them is sober and the other never drank, so they don't want it there. Our kids know the drill, too. Anytime we stay in someone else's house, which is rare, we show respect.

I have yet to read about ANY values or how any of this is showing disrespect. What values? No one has mentioned saving themselves for marriage. Not once. So, you're just immature and grossed out by the idea of your college adult children being sexual. That's the only thing I'm seeing here. You know it happens, but as long as it's not as your home? That's not values - that's ignoring shit and wishing your kids wouldn't grow up.

This is not the same as no shoes on in the house. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:separate rooms!!!

They should have a little respect for YOUR house.

What does that even mean?

What are they disrespecting if They sleep in the same room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

The my house my rules thing just seems like grasping at control straws. Your sweet baby is grown and doesnt need you anymore, so you try and exert your "parental control" by doing this. Seems silly to me.

Same room is fine with us.

It depends on religious and cultural values as well. What's good for the goose, isn't necessarily by default good for the gander or even other geese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

The my house my rules thing just seems like grasping at control straws. Your sweet baby is grown and doesnt need you anymore, so you try and exert your "parental control" by doing this. Seems silly to me.

Same room is fine with us.

It depends on religious and cultural values as well. What's good for the goose, isn't necessarily by default good for the gander or even other geese.

Still nobody has mentioned a value just rules.

[Anonymous]

Also depends on size of the bed or the room. Most parents don't have extra money to put queen or king bed in childhood bedrooms which now only gets used a few weeks per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

To be fair, if they aren't financially independent the parents have to bear the consequences of their actions.

That's not much of an argument. It's not even a good "to be fair." It seems then the argument is that they don't learn to make good choices or independent decisions until they're completely financially independent? That seems like a really bad idea.

And it's a straw man because we know that's not the reason parents are trying to control behavior of adults. (And please do not come at me with they are not adults unless they're fully paying for absolutely everything. That is a specious argument)

Why should 21-year-olds get treated with full adult privileges if they can't even support themselves? We don't care to promote serious relationships before the kids are done with college and in a position to support themselves, so bringing a girlfriend or boyfriend home would be out of line.

Because it's theatrical and performative. Do stay at home parents not get treated as adults? Do people on disability not get adult privileges? How about thirty year old married couples who need a loan from their parents for a down payment?

You want to force your values on an adult child and use money to try to control it. It's never going to end well

I have a great relationship with my parents, who didn't allow us to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend on vacations or sleep in the same room at their home before marriage. My parents also didn't give me a loan for a downpayment at 30, but I did use the education they provided to get a good job and save my own money. They did enforce their rules while I was on their dime during college and graduate school. I respected their rules. We remained close then and now. All my siblings and I launched into real adults in our twenties who didn't need financial support from our parents after we graduated. We all got married and had kids. If your family values are different, fine, but our family values have worked very well for us and I intend to parent my own children in the same way.

What “values” ?… you haven’t mentioned any values in your post

Why are you so worked up over this issue? So what if someone doesn't want their younger kids to normalize premarital sex because of an older kid's behavior, or they don't want their 21-year-old child still in college to have a long-term romantic partner that they can't separate from for a trip home to see mom and dad? My friends let their high school kids bring boyfriends and girlfriends on family vacations and share rooms. I'm not worked up over it, though it's not happening in our home. The weird thing is that you are so aggravated that other people have different standards than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:separate rooms!!!

They should have a little respect for YOUR house.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

To be fair, if they aren't financially independent the parents have to bear the consequences of their actions.

That's not much of an argument. It's not even a good "to be fair." It seems then the argument is that they don't learn to make good choices or independent decisions until they're completely financially independent? That seems like a really bad idea.

And it's a straw man because we know that's not the reason parents are trying to control behavior of adults. (And please do not come at me with they are not adults unless they're fully paying for absolutely everything. That is a specious argument)

Why should 21-year-olds get treated with full adult privileges if they can't even support themselves? We don't care to promote serious relationships before the kids are done with college and in a position to support themselves, so bringing a girlfriend or boyfriend home would be out of line.

Because it's theatrical and performative. Do stay at home parents not get treated as adults? Do people on disability not get adult privileges? How about thirty year old married couples who need a loan from their parents for a down payment?

You want to force your values on an adult child and use money to try to control it. It's never going to end well

I have a great relationship with my parents, who didn't allow us to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend on vacations or sleep in the same room at their home before marriage. My parents also didn't give me a loan for a downpayment at 30, but I did use the education they provided to get a good job and save my own money. They did enforce their rules while I was on their dime during college and graduate school. I respected their rules. We remained close then and now. All my siblings and I launched into real adults in our twenties who didn't need financial support from our parents after we graduated. We all got married and had kids. If your family values are different, fine, but our family values have worked very well for us and I intend to parent my own children in the same way.

What “values” ?… you haven’t mentioned any values in your post

Why are you so worked up over this issue? So what if someone doesn't want their younger kids to normalize premarital sex because of an older kid's behavior, or they don't want their 21-year-old child still in college to have a long-term romantic partner that they can't separate from for a trip home to see mom and dad? My friends let their high school kids bring boyfriends and girlfriends on family vacations and share rooms. I'm not worked up over it, though it's not happening in our home. The weird thing is that you are so aggravated that other people have different standards than you.

Not aggravated, just asking "what value" which you still have not answered because you are too busy being defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you tell him to stop bringing his girlfriend home and to events. My kids aren't that old yet but I'm already annoyed thinking about the possibility.

Of course a parent can do that, and it's excellent strategy to build a relationship with your adult kid where they want limited contact with you

How adult are they at 21? Are you done paying for college and their living expenses?

So rules are different if they've a full ride?

I get, I guess, the my house my rules sentiment, but I will never understand the need to control your children's behavior until they are completely financially independent. Baffling

The my house my rules thing just seems like grasping at control straws. Your sweet baby is grown and doesnt need you anymore, so you try and exert your "parental control" by doing this. Seems silly to me.

Same room is fine with us.

It depends on religious and cultural values as well. What's good for the goose, isn't necessarily by default good for the gander or even other geese.

Will no one think about the ducks?

[Anonymous]

Same room - committed 3yr relationship.