Is this rude or not? (petty barbecue etiquette question)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

This is my take, too. I’m guessing she felt the need to keep a closer eye on the swimmers, especially since most of the adults were further away and enjoying a few drinks according to the OP.

If I were the host, I would have checked in and assumed I’m not providing something she (or the children) needed.

[Anonymous]

I’m generally not a hoverer, but water safety is the one area I don’t play. When my close friend was a kid, her little sister drowned at a family pool party. Everybody thought someone else was watching the kids which is how this happens.

[Anonymous]

I think she thought she was doing everyone a favor by watching all the kids. Maybe in her social circles, parents take turns. She thought she’d get that out of the way.

[Anonymous]

I have social anxiety and I'd probably do that on a day I don't feel comfortable with the adults. But I'd also not stay very long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. In addition to my last comment re: someone always being stationed at the pool to watch, there were not "lots of kids" in the pool. Most of us didn't bring kids. Other than Friend A, only two other people brought kids. And the other kids eventually left the pool to play soccer on the lawn or read a book, or to sit by their mom and eat barbecue with the bigger group. Only Friend A and her kid remained in the pool, alone, for hours after the other kids left. They didn't even eat anything.

These extra details make me think the mom might have been trying to be a good companion to her 11-year-old, who was stuck at a gathering with kids she didn't know.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

OP here. As I said, there was ALWAYS one adult watching the kids in the pool. Parents took turns in shifts to do this. They weren't sporadically watching the kids: there was always someone standing there watching.

So people were drinking, but you don’t drink when the Muslims are there… so no one was drinking?

People were taking turns watching their kids, but there were only 2 other kids who were actually playing soccer?

It was a pool party but only 2 kids and the subjects of your post ever got in the pool?

Yeah, none of this makes sense. It’s either completely fabricated or you’re twisting the facts of the situation.

Either way, YTA.

[Anonymous]

What’s rude is a group of grownups gossiping about her and agreeing not to invite her again.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she could pick up on the negative body language and looks that were being tossed her way.

[Anonymous]

did you, the host, sit near her and try to engage her? or have your kids invite her kid to join them? It sounds like you didn't make any effort to help her but enjoy judging.

[Anonymous]

This brings me back to being invited to a lake beach outing thing with women who knew each other and I didn't know them well. I ended up on my own a lot and it was so awkward. I think this is actually pretty common for socially anxious introverts: you don't want to go, force yourself, go, get ignored so retreat in shell as nobody really engages you because you seem withdrawn, you get judged, and repeat.

[Anonymous]

if there wasn't a lifeguard, she was right to stay near her daughter. you sound unpleasant. also, she might have wanted to hang out with her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

+1 Nailed it. I don’t think the other parents were watching as closely as OP claims, especially if drinking was going on. And an 11 year old can probably take care of themself in a pool but who knows about the other kids? Can’t believe you’re trying to shut her out of the group for this.

[Anonymous]

I asked her. She told me she was avoiding the catty gossipy witch on the patio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

+100 people with pools often don't get this for some reason. I have been stuck as the babysitter before

[Anonymous]

You and your friends are gross, nasty people, OP.