Is this rude or not? (petty barbecue etiquette question)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

It’s not judgmental to think “these people aren’t watching their kids well enough for my anxiety so I’m going to park myself here all day and play lifeguard.”?

Are you going to socially punish her for having anxiety over water safety? And yes, it’s quite reasonable not to trust random people she’s never met.

Ok? So don’t go to their parties if you don’t like, know, or trust them. Easy.

then you’ll just be gossiping about how standoffish A is 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

I absolutely judge this person and fully admit it. That’s not normal to hover over an 11 year old. Lady probably has social anxiety and uses her kid to avoid people. Not rude but odd. And frankly pretty sad.

Not OP just a random poster.

again you have ZERO knowledge about the situation. My 11 year old is a very weak swimmer. And if you’re going to judge someone’s parenting based on one interaction then exclude them from the social group… that’s pretty harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It could be that she and/or her daughter face social anxiety, and even going was a big step. Being kind and inclusive is always the answer, unless the person you invite or their kid are being mean or hurtful or something like that.

I honestly don’t know how “should we be nice and inclusive” is even a question. The mom and kid playing in the pool weren’t engaging much with anyone, but they weren’t hurting anyone and they weren’t stopping others from enjoying the day.

Because OP’s social group revolves around appearances and judging.

+1. Apparently so. And THAT is what is “sad.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

I absolutely judge this person and fully admit it. That’s not normal to hover over an 11 year old. Lady probably has social anxiety and uses her kid to avoid people. Not rude but odd. And frankly pretty sad.

Not OP just a random poster.

NP. You know, if you had a kid with social anxiety, you’d be all over this type of commentary. How about, yes, it’s atypical, but now that we know more about social anxiety, people on the spectrum, ADHD, etc, we don’t have to comment on those things in unproductive ways. “It sounds like one or both of them deals with social anxiety, so it’s great they made an effort to come out. Hopefully with more invites, they’ll feel more comfortable engaging more with others.”

There you go, PP. It’s really not that hard not to be a mean human.

+1. The difference between inclusivity and exclusivity. Although the fact is most social groups are exclusive not inclusive.

[Anonymous]

When I was 13 years old, I was on an overnight field trip that involved swimming. It was an indoor-outdoor pool where you could swim under a glass partition to get from inside to outside.

One of my classmates got confused under the partition and was panicking. There were lifeguards on both sides, but I was the one who noticed, dove under, and pulled him up. We didn’t know each other well, but he was very grateful.

He contacted me on Facebook years later to say thank you and to say it took him a long time to be comfortable anywhere near the water again. If A’s kid in this scenario had any kind of water “incident,” or witnessed a friend having one, maybe she’s not comfortable in the water again. Maybe going to this event and getting in the water was a huge step forward.

Imagine that, people. People could be going through things you know nothing about. So maybe stop with the constant scrutiny and judgment, live your life, live and let live, be kind.

And you know what? If you don’t want to invite someone again, fine. That’s your call. But be an adult and make up your own mind, don’t slyly gossip online just because what you actually want to do is pick over the scenario and get the smug satisfaction of others saying, “Yeah, that’s weird.”

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the host did not do a good job of introducing her to people and integrating her into adult conversation.

[Anonymous]

Invite her again to something without a pool and see what happens. Definitely a little odd, but she may have been anxious about safety around the pool.

[Anonymous]

If this happened exactly as you describe it I would think it was weird. I would invite again but if anti social continued I would probably let the relationship go. For me it wouldn’t be a judgement against her, but if she’s not speaking to me or trying to interact I would feel it is not a reciprocal friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

I absolutely judge this person and fully admit it. That’s not normal to hover over an 11 year old. Lady probably has social anxiety and uses her kid to avoid people. Not rude but odd. And frankly pretty sad.

Not OP just a random poster.

“Pretty sad”. You guys are so judgmental!!

No $hit captain obvious. Can you not read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

This. Also I am autistic and I don’t like initiating conversations. Usually when I go around new people I hang out with the kids and usually I watch the kids if people are drinking because I do not drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

This.

[Anonymous]

What was she wearing? Maybe she stayed in the water because she thought it was a real pool party and not a “pool party” where nobody really gets in the water

[Anonymous]

I need more information? How long did Friend A stay and do this? Was it a quick, short visit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

It’s not judgmental to think “these people aren’t watching their kids well enough for my anxiety so I’m going to park myself here all day and play lifeguard.”?

Would be funny if she was a lifeguard as a teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

I absolutely judge this person and fully admit it. That’s not normal to hover over an 11 year old. Lady probably has social anxiety and uses her kid to avoid people. Not rude but odd. And frankly pretty sad.

Not OP just a random poster.

“Pretty sad”. You guys are so judgmental!!

No $hit captain obvious. Can you not read?

Huh?