Is this rude or not? (petty barbecue etiquette question)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

Nobody asked her to be responsible. That was her choice.

And so you would freeze her out because she is more concerned about water safety? Maybe her kid is a weak swimmer. Maybe her kid has seizures and has to be watched closely. Maybe she had a sibling drown. Maybe she’s just highly conscientious and all the other adults were drunk.

[Anonymous]

She was uncomfortable because she didn’t know many people so played with her kid and other kids. The only thing rude and awkward is the other guests talking about her and judging her. Don’t invite her again, she doesn’t need “friends” like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

No, you misunderstood. Adults were occasionally walking over to look IN ADDITION TO the one adult stationed at the pool to keep watch. There was always at least one adult there. And usually two, because someone would wander over to stand and talk with the one on watch. Then there was Friend A in the pool with her kid, ignoring everyone else, so I guess three adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s a nice person I would still include her. Yes it’s sort of rude but it’s also rude of someone in the group to call her out and say not to invite her anymore. Have some grace.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

She and/or her kid may be socially awkward. I would try inviting her again to a kid free event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

OP here. As I said, there was ALWAYS one adult watching the kids in the pool. Parents took turns in shifts to do this. They weren't sporadically watching the kids: there was always someone standing there watching.

I don’t actually believe this, especially given they were all drinking too? My 11 is not a strong swimmer and I would not rely on random drunk adults to supervise. I might have him wear a life jacket, but then you unbearable gossips would be texting about how my big kid can’t swim.

OP were you the host? Are you seriously all ganging up on this lady by text? You and your group sound frankly awful and I think there is a GOOD chance that A sensed your exclusionary and gossipy nature and felt uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

Nobody asked her to be responsible. That was her choice.

And so you would freeze her out because she is more concerned about water safety? Maybe her kid is a weak swimmer. Maybe her kid has seizures and has to be watched closely. Maybe she had a sibling drown. Maybe she’s just highly conscientious and all the other adults were drunk.

We weren't drunk. Two of our good friends are Muslim, so out of respect for them we don't drink when they are invited. Nobody was drunk.

And again, there was always one adult stationed at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

Nobody asked her to be responsible. That was her choice.

And so you would freeze her out because she is more concerned about water safety? Maybe her kid is a weak swimmer. Maybe her kid has seizures and has to be watched closely. Maybe she had a sibling drown. Maybe she’s just highly conscientious and all the other adults were drunk.

Seems like they don’t really have much in common. She isn’t like the others and doesn’t want to hang out with them. I’d make that a low priority guest in the future.

[Anonymous]

The statement she didn’t talk to anyone the entire time is doing a lot of work. If that is actually an exaggeration or completely untrue, the whole narrative falls apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

[Anonymous]

This would come across to me as someone who just used me for my pool so she could hang out with her kid all day. Rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

It’s not judgmental to think “these people aren’t watching their kids well enough for my anxiety so I’m going to park myself here all day and play lifeguard.”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

No, you misunderstood. Adults were occasionally walking over to look IN ADDITION TO the one adult stationed at the pool to keep watch. There was always at least one adult there. And usually two, because someone would wander over to stand and talk with the one on watch. Then there was Friend A in the pool with her kid, ignoring everyone else, so I guess three adults.

Lol two drunk people talking by the pool is not “supervising” kids in the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't have let my 11 year old be in a pool where adults were "occasionally walking over to look, taking turns so that (hopefully) one adult was always watching". So, in this situation, my choices would be to stay by the pool the whole time. Getting in would have made that slightly less awkward since apparently you'd think I was rude rather than judgmental.

Were adults drinking?

Why can’t your 11 year old swim? Most 11 year olds don’t need constant supervision in the pool.

Ahh there’s the judgment. That’s what it is with you people - admit it - it’s finding something to judge and bond over gossiping about it. If it wasn’t A staying in the pool it would be something else.

It’s not judgmental to think “these people aren’t watching their kids well enough for my anxiety so I’m going to park myself here all day and play lifeguard.”?

Are you going to socially punish her for having anxiety over water safety? And yes, it’s quite reasonable not to trust random people she’s never met.