Is this rude or not? (petty barbecue etiquette question)

[Anonymous]

This is so petty. If I brought my daughter to a pool party, and she wanted to swim, I would be in the pool with her too to make sure she is safe and having fun. It’s no fun swimming in a pool by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They actually talked about her after and considered not inviting her again??

Wtf. I think guest A either correctly sensed this is not the type of group she wants to spend time with; or as suggested, wanted to keep a close eye on the swimmers.

In any event, as the mom of a kid on the spectrum, it never ceases to amaze me how a cornerstone of many supposedly typical people’s social lives is judging, excluding, and jumping to conclusions. So much for all y’all’s greater empathy.

This. Mom A probably wanted to keep an eye on her swimmer for unknown reasons. Y’all’s immediate jump to judgement is not a great look.

It’s not unknown reasons. Kids under 12 need eyes on supervision in the pool. I don’t care if they are the next Michael Phelps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“My new friends invited me to a barbecue at their house with a pool. There was no lifeguard and lots of kids in the pool. The parents were only watching the kids sporadically, so I felt for safety I had to spend the entire bbq watching everyone else’s kids since rhe other parents just kept walking away to focus on their conversations and food. Do you think my new friends like me or are just using me for free babysitting? Also who has a pool party where the adults don’t get in the pool??”

OP here. As I said, there was ALWAYS one adult watching the kids in the pool. Parents took turns in shifts to do this. They weren't sporadically watching the kids: there was always someone standing there watching.

OP again. In addition to my last comment re: someone always being stationed at the pool to watch, there were not "lots of kids" in the pool. Most of us didn't bring kids. Other than Friend A, only two other people brought kids. And the other kids eventually left the pool to play soccer on the lawn or read a book, or to sit by their mom and eat barbecue with the bigger group. Only Friend A and her kid remained in the pool, alone, for hours after the other kids left. They didn't even eat anything.

No one drowned that day.

Always invite Friend A to the pool party/bbqs and be thankful.

Have you seen in the news what can happen when everyone/no one keeps and eye on the pool? Or the playground and nearby ponds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So funny that a bunch of women at a cookout don’t understand why mom would be in a pool with her child instead of ignoring their children, drinking, gossiping.

I had a similar situation with some families over for dinner. There was a dad with kids who I really liked who I met at the playground so I invited them. This was my first time meeting the mom. She did not eat or drink anything, did not really even greet anyone other than a broad "Hi", and spent the whole time playing water guns with the large group of kids (no pool).
I'll be honest, it did bother me. It would have been polite to have something to eat and exchange 5 or 10 minutes of conversation with the people who are hosting you. I was really hoping to make friends with this lady since our kids got along so well. And since this is anonymous I'll admit that this lady was 10/10 model gorgeous so there was an element of feeling like she thought she was better than me.
There is a phenomenon where parents are so hyperfocused on their kids that they completely forget how to socialize with adults. You see this all the time at the playground where parents are narrating their kids' activities and can't be bothered to even make eye contact with their peers. Your children will grow up and have their own social lives. Most of us would like to have adult friends. I know everyone on DCUM has SOOOO many friends and no time for more but many of us do not and are trying actively to make them.

But what happened when you, as the host, approached her for conversation? It goes both ways, and you left that part out.

I said something like "wow you're a way more fun mom than I am! Do you want something to eat? We have etc." "No, I'm good."
I'm shy too! I wouldn't be inviting people over if I wasn't desperate for friends.