My sister told me I am not allowed to grieve our father in her house around her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and sister are very emotional people. They cry easily and have big feelings. I'm the opposite and can find them stressful (and I'm sure they have some negative thoughts towards me). I would never tell them they can't grieve, but I'd be thinking it. Having a baby and trying to enjoy my mom meeting the baby and having my family together and them crying constantly would put me on edge. It was probably one of the hardest parts of the grieving process for me. Managing them was exhausting until I realized it wasn't my responsibility to get them to stop crying or calm them. I think I always felt like they expected me to make them feel better, and once I realized that wasn't the case, it got easier. I just excused myself when it got to be too much for me.

If you are a crier or emotional person, try to tamp it down at her house. Or have her go take a nap or do something for herself and then you and your mom can have your cry and reminisce about your dad and talk about how much he would have loved to be there with you guys.

So I hope you realize it was a you problem. It wasn't their grief, it was your reaction to it. I'm glad you came to realize you didn't have to take on everyone else's grief or try to solve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this post take the cake. What a bunch of unfeeling losers. People can't completely clamp down on grief. That doesn't mean they get to go wailing in the streets all the time. Yes, they can leave if it happens in an awkward circumstance, but to act like having the feelings is inappropriate is just...weird and cold.

Their mom is coming to visit. Sister is using the baby to avoid saying what she really means. She is afraid of her moms grief.

Maybe she shouldn't be hosting yet.

Who cares who she's blaming or why she doesn't want the grief. She doesn't want it in her house, period. Respect it or stay TF away from her house if you can't control yourself.

I dont think anyone is saying its inappropriate to have feelings, but it's always nice to see people twisting posts here to fit their own narrative.

[Anonymous]

How many times is OP sock puppeting on this thread?

[Anonymous]

What the heck is a fear period?

[Anonymous]

I mean, is she the level-headed sibling and daughter?
Or is she into some astronomy BS?
Are you and your mom huge drama queens? I don't know.
She sounds cray, unless she had enough of your and your mom's drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, why is it so important to you to cry in front of the bab? Can't you cry somewhere else? I really don't understand why you need this so badly that you're willing to burden and alienate your sister.

Try thinking of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I see my sister once a week. We grab brunch or coffee. We chat and catch up. We of course talk about our dad and I tear up. But thats it.

So...I don't know how she equated that to screaming and crying for hours on end.

Did she actually say those words, OP? Why are you exaggerating? Her baby is in their fear period. Surely you can understand that you can't negatively impact their development at this critical juncture. Get a hold of yourself, and if you think you can't, don't visit right now. Or shorten the visit.

PP, you sound nuts. Fear period, critical juncture in development… dramatic much?How would seeing an adult cry permanently derail a baby’s development when they spend much of their first year crying. Are they derailing their own development then? Ridiculous.

+1. So are all daycare babies scarred because they are around other humans who have negative emotions at time during the day?

If you're asking whether people who cry uncontrollably can work at daycares, the answer is no. Because it isn't good for the kids.

And if an employee was uncontrollably crying all day during their work at a daycare center I'd assume they'd be asked to leave and compose themselves. Outside. Or wherever else, besides while caring for children.

So, what you’re saying is children expressing negative emotions has no negative impact. It’s only adults. Get a fricken grip. Either emotional displays by any human is negative or your just full of it. I’m going with the latter.

[Anonymous]

Geez op have some compassion for your sister who probably is struggling to keep it together while grieving and parenting a newborn-what’s she’s saying is she is not equipped to handle an adult grief-a-thon in her house at the moment (so comply or don’t go.)

[Anonymous]

My Uncle did this when my Grandmother died. He banned us (his sisters and neice) from entering his home. Made us stand outside while he fetched our things. I haven't seen him since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yelling and anger are types of negative energy that I agree should not be around a baby.

But she sounds nuts.

Is she into aura repair?

I'd be into au revoir at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Uncle did this when my Grandmother died. He banned us (his sisters and neice) from entering his home. Made us stand outside while he fetched our things. I haven't seen him since then.

This doesn’t sound like the same situation at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this post take the cake. What a bunch of unfeeling losers. People can't completely clamp down on grief. That doesn't mean they get to go wailing in the streets all the time. Yes, they can leave if it happens in an awkward circumstance, but to act like having the feelings is inappropriate is just...weird and cold.

Their mom is coming to visit. Sister is using the baby to avoid saying what she really means. She is afraid of her moms grief.

Maybe she shouldn't be hosting yet.

Who cares who she's blaming or why she doesn't want the grief. She doesn't want it in her house, period. Respect it or stay TF away from her house if you can't control yourself.

I dont think anyone is saying its inappropriate to have feelings, but it's always nice to see people twisting posts here to fit their own narrative.

Banning grief from a house is a certain way to make sure that the kid is forever screwed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez op have some compassion for your sister who probably is struggling to keep it together while grieving and parenting a newborn-what’s she’s saying is she is not equipped to handle an adult grief-a-thon in her house at the moment (so comply or don’t go.)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses on this post take the cake. What a bunch of unfeeling losers. People can't completely clamp down on grief. That doesn't mean they get to go wailing in the streets all the time. Yes, they can leave if it happens in an awkward circumstance, but to act like having the feelings is inappropriate is just...weird and cold.

Their mom is coming to visit. Sister is using the baby to avoid saying what she really means. She is afraid of her moms grief.

Maybe she shouldn't be hosting yet.

Who cares who she's blaming or why she doesn't want the grief. She doesn't want it in her house, period. Respect it or stay TF away from her house if you can't control yourself.

I dont think anyone is saying its inappropriate to have feelings, but it's always nice to see people twisting posts here to fit their own narrative.

Banning grief from a house is a certain way to make sure that the kid is forever screwed up.

Yes, I'm sure asking her distraught sister and mother to control themselves around her baby will really damage baby's poor psyche indefinitely

Have some respect and care about someone other than yourself for a change, it's nice to respect peoples boundaries.

[Anonymous]

She might just be protecting herself. A child under a year old plus losing a father is a lot. She could be worried about it affecting her mood. I dealt with PPD and I was terrified of it recurring.