ADHD 14-year old delinquent stealing. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider a military academy like Fork Union?

OP here and thank you for an actual name/referral. Trying to find resources and we don’t know of any. Did find a school called Massanutten Military school. But we know nothing about them!

Another is Camden Military in SC.

Military might be a safe place away from the distractions of his stealing and screen addictions.

Another option would be an intense DBT program. This is better than psychotherapy for your son’s issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing the doctor said only take adhd meds during the school year. He is clearly struggling with impulse control. Please consider medicating the ADHD year round and if current meds aren’t cutting it, explore other options.

Op here. Yes. The doctor said to give him the mood stabilizer year round but to only give the adhd stimulant during the school week. Not weekends or summer. But we are going to reach out to her next week and try to restart the adhd meds. He clearly has no impulse control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing the doctor said only take adhd meds during the school year. He is clearly struggling with impulse control. Please consider medicating the ADHD year round and if current meds aren’t cutting it, explore other options.

Op here. Yes. The doctor said to give him the mood stabilizer year round but to only give the adhd stimulant during the school week. Not weekends or summer. But we are going to reach out to her next week and try to restart the adhd meds. He clearly has no impulse control.

OP I have had similar struggles and one caution with addiction personalities like this, whether drugs or screens or stealing, is that stimulants may not be the best adhd solution. Talk to your doctor about daily stimulant adhd medications. My son is on a mood stabilizer but also qelbree and twice daily clonidine. It helps provide adhd relief without the highs and lows of a stimulant. There are also tests you can run like clarityX or geneSight that help your doctor choose the best medicine based on your son’s dna profile.

[Anonymous]

^daily NON stimulant, typo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider a military academy like Fork Union?

OP here and thank you for an actual name/referral. Trying to find resources and we don’t know of any. Did find a school called Massanutten Military school. But we know nothing about them!

Another is Camden Military in SC.

Military might be a safe place away from the distractions of his stealing and screen addictions.

Another option would be an intense DBT program. This is better than psychotherapy for your son’s issues.

Another benefit of a boarding school like this is that it provides relief for your other children. But keep in mind that military isn’t screen free. It does provide constant feedback/discipline, structure and physical activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have snow young adult who did many of these things. He was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics which helped with the behaviors but did t extinguish them.

We spent probably years locking things in the car and sleeping with the keys. We did residential treatment in a program for juvenile delinquents but if your husband won’t pay for outward bound, he’s not likely to pay for residential either. Also military school sounds good but they dont take troubled kids.

I don’t have easy answers for you. We lived through 8 years of on again off again hell. I think it sounds good to go to law enforcement or the bank but having lived through something similar, I think it’s something to make you feel better and not likely to make any difference. We eventually had to come to peace with letting whatever happens happen. We also didn’t pick battles like limiting cellphone use because it was ineffective.

I also don’t understand stopping meds. Does your psychiatrist know how bad it is?

Op here and this is what I am afraid of. How old was your DC when diagnosed with bipolar? I actually asked my DS’s psychiatrist about a bipolar diagnosis bc I agree that’s what could be going on here, but two child psychiatrists (including one at Children’s National and his current one at a private practice) both said they “don’t diagnose bipolar in kids.” He’s been tested at Kennedy Kriger many years ago around age 6 for severe tantrums (result was anxiety and dysregulation), he was tested at Children’s at around age 8 bc I had to bring him there for a severe/violent tantrum that wouldn’t end, and he was most recently tested at school at age 13, and qualified immediately for an IEP due to severe ADHD. But no one has ever diagnosed him with more than adhd, anxiety and dysregulation disorder.

He isn’t having tantrums anymore but has instead evolved into these addictive behaviors and theft/stealing which the psych has said are all impulse control. He isn’t physically violent and is generally a sweet teen/kid. But he doesn’t seem to understand that hacking/stealing money etc isn’t okay.

I just can’t give up on him at age 13-14!

[Anonymous]

What does he do besides play on the computer and sit around all day? Actually I should say what can he do? Laundry, mow the lawn, cook, etc? What life skills does he have?

What is his receptive/expressive developmental language age?

Have you tested for ASD?

What kind of grades does he get in school?

What’s his developmental age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say his siblings are at camp or counselors or doing sports. What does your DS like? If it's video games, would he be interested in E sports? Or streaming on Twitch or making videos? Give him something to focus on, put his energy towards.

Op here. He wants to stare at screens and play Fortnite and Roblox all day. When we take it away he will pilfer through the house trying to find his phone or computer. He has hacked our safe to access them. He mostly steals from family to buy crap in these games.

It sounds like you need some serious interventions for screen addiction. I'd look into residential treatment facilities.

+ 1. This is drug addict behavior. But substitute video games. There is no way your child is happy living this way, he has a compulsion he can’t control. You need to find a specialized treatment center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really doubt that a young teenager is able to break through computer and phone passwords let alone a SAFE, when properly deployed. This is like people saying their Facebook was hacked when what they mean is someone made a fake account or guessed that their password was 1234.

I figured this was a troll from page 1. Nobody is this clueless about parenting. And op is full of excuses about why she can’t do what actually needs to be done.

Oh I don’t think it’s necessarily a troll. But if it’s real they need to get better about securing their devices while they solve the bigger issue! If a 14yo can break into your phone or laptop you’re screwing something up, people with a lot more on the line depend on the security on this stuff with great success. (All those stories of credit card numbers being lost in a hack are either social engineering or a really dumb mistake on the securing company’s end.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have snow young adult who did many of these things. He was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics which helped with the behaviors but did t extinguish them.

We spent probably years locking things in the car and sleeping with the keys. We did residential treatment in a program for juvenile delinquents but if your husband won’t pay for outward bound, he’s not likely to pay for residential either. Also military school sounds good but they dont take troubled kids.

I don’t have easy answers for you. We lived through 8 years of on again off again hell. I think it sounds good to go to law enforcement or the bank but having lived through something similar, I think it’s something to make you feel better and not likely to make any difference. We eventually had to come to peace with letting whatever happens happen. We also didn’t pick battles like limiting cellphone use because it was ineffective.

I also don’t understand stopping meds. Does your psychiatrist know how bad it is?

NP. I had a friend whose family suffered from a sibling who was finally diagnosed with atypical bipolar in his 30s. It was awful for all of them - not really sure what could have been done differently although maybe meds would have helped, they had no diagnosis and didn't try any meds.

For those saying "screen addiction", it sounds more like boredom/depression and impulsivity, and self-centeredness, to me but I am not an expert. I have no answers for OP but a lot of sympathy. We have a DC who is highly oppositional and it's so hard, but very different from what OP is going through.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t ask this child to volunteer in a community shelter. People there have been through enough. They need help. They are not there to help straighten a kid out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider a military academy like Fork Union?

OP here and thank you for an actual name/referral. Trying to find resources and we don’t know of any. Did find a school called Massanutten Military school. But we know nothing about them!

Another is Camden Military in SC.

Military might be a safe place away from the distractions of his stealing and screen addictions.

Another option would be an intense DBT program. This is better than psychotherapy for your son’s issues.

Another benefit of a boarding school like this is that it provides relief for your other children. But keep in mind that military isn’t screen free. It does provide constant feedback/discipline, structure and physical activity.

I've also heard a lot of abuse and drug use. And it will tear your relationship apart further likely. Maybe try a summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have snow young adult who did many of these things. He was diagnosed with bipolar and medicated with antipsychotics which helped with the behaviors but did t extinguish them.

We spent probably years locking things in the car and sleeping with the keys. We did residential treatment in a program for juvenile delinquents but if your husband won’t pay for outward bound, he’s not likely to pay for residential either. Also military school sounds good but they dont take troubled kids.

I don’t have easy answers for you. We lived through 8 years of on again off again hell. I think it sounds good to go to law enforcement or the bank but having lived through something similar, I think it’s something to make you feel better and not likely to make any difference. We eventually had to come to peace with letting whatever happens happen. We also didn’t pick battles like limiting cellphone use because it was ineffective.

I also don’t understand stopping meds. Does your psychiatrist know how bad it is?

Op here and this is what I am afraid of. How old was your DC when diagnosed with bipolar? I actually asked my DS’s psychiatrist about a bipolar diagnosis bc I agree that’s what could be going on here, but two child psychiatrists (including one at Children’s National and his current one at a private practice) both said they “don’t diagnose bipolar in kids.” He’s been tested at Kennedy Kriger many years ago around age 6 for severe tantrums (result was anxiety and dysregulation), he was tested at Children’s at around age 8 bc I had to bring him there for a severe/violent tantrum that wouldn’t end, and he was most recently tested at school at age 13, and qualified immediately for an IEP due to severe ADHD. But no one has ever diagnosed him with more than adhd, anxiety and dysregulation disorder.

He isn’t having tantrums anymore but has instead evolved into these addictive behaviors and theft/stealing which the psych has said are all impulse control. He isn’t physically violent and is generally a sweet teen/kid. But he doesn’t seem to understand that hacking/stealing money etc isn’t okay.

I just can’t give up on him at age 13-14!

It’s time for another eval. 6 years old was a long time ago. Puberty has hit, lots has changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military school?

This and hide everything his presence.

[Anonymous]

I would have a parent meeting with both the psychiatrist and the therapists. There are a lot of meds they could be trying and I am kind of shocked at the limited help you are getting from the psychiatrist and the recommendation to stop meds in the summer. I would discuss with all of them options for a higher level of care. Whether partial hospitalization (PHP) programs or residential. If they don’t have experience with sending kids to a higher level of care, you have the wrong team and need providers who treat severe mental illness. There are parenting programs to help you learn how to cope at home - search for therapy practices with Parent Management Training (or ask your current providers). Also call your insurance and see if they offer a behavioral health care manager and get that person to identify residential treatment centers that may be appropriate. You will need to search nationwide because most people have to travel for the right fit.

I agree with a PP that this is a 5 alarm fire and you need to make sure your providers understand that and refer you out if they can’t help. And I know it’s hard, but take to heart the PP who said your kid is struggling and doesn’t want to be this way. He doesn’t have a moral flaw - he has an illness. Think of how you would take care of one of your kids if they had cancer. Would you travel to the best hospital and pull out all the stops you could to get the right treatment, even if it meant that your other kids had to sacrifice some things? This is also a severe illness. Do the same.