ADHD 14-year old delinquent stealing. Help!

[Anonymous]

You are saying that he hacked a bunch of things like computers and safes. If you mean that he guessed passwords, get a better system for your passwords. If you mean that he used code to break in without your passwords, then sign him up for a hack a thon or hacking camp.

[Anonymous]

Do you have padlocks with keys? Wear the keys around your neck at night. Lock his stuff in the car and put the keys inside your pillowcase when you go to bed.

The Outward Bound program you might want to look into is Intercept. The Intercept instructors have more specific training than the standard OB programs. https://www.outwardbound.org/expeditions/intercept-expeditions/

Here's the local NAMI chapter assuming you're in DC. It might be helpful to talk to others who have been through it. Also, I would try calling the helpline. They were helpful to me with resources etc. when we were in a crisis with out son.
https://www.namidc.org/support-for-you/support-groups/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should be on meds continuously based on what you are describing

This. Try this before sending him away. Look, my kid with SN is a nightmare in so many ways. I think you’re pretty out of line here. Most of us have other kids. Get it together and parent this one.

[Anonymous]

Can I suggest a lockbox with a complex physical key?

How did your son hack your safe? Did he buy a physical reset key on the Internet? Put a sniffer on the keypad to catch your input?

Can your son mow lawns or walk dogs? If he can get his own money, let him spend it on crap.

You might fight fire with fire (unless it's too dangerous). If you can figure out his Fortnite and other game passwords or can call the companies to get his account money adding privileges suspended, you might be able to counterbalance his behaviors.

[Anonymous]

PP. My point is he's stealing your stuff to gain game advantages. Getting locked out of a game account makes a strong point. Even if you can only pull it off once. Don't wipe the account though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by he has hacked them all, OP? Has he just figured out your password and PIN numbers, is he physically lock-picking them, is he rewriting code, etc?

You probably need to up the security you have on those items as it isn't enough. Get a safe that only opens to your fingerprints or something similar.

He has hacked my phone and also to access accounts and transfer money to himself from my account as well as his siblings’ accounts. (Yes these are accounts with multifactor authentication). We have a keypad lock on our bedroom door and a safe inside with a keypad and he has hacked both and accessed his devices locked inside. He has disabled our home network and set up himself as the admin to access WiFi when we shut it off. He wiped my husband’s laptop in retaliation for taking his devices away by apparently hacking in and setting himself up as the admin and resetting it. Those are a few examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are saying that he hacked a bunch of things like computers and safes. If you mean that he guessed passwords, get a better system for your passwords. If you mean that he used code to break in without your passwords, then sign him up for a hack a thon or hacking camp.

Op here. It’s not just guessing passwords. He has figured out how to bypass multi factor authentication on multiple devices like phones and our home WiFi and to set himself up as the system admin on multiple devices. My husband asked him to show him how he did it and he claims he watched YouTube videos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have padlocks with keys? Wear the keys around your neck at night. Lock his stuff in the car and put the keys inside your pillowcase when you go to bed.

The Outward Bound program you might want to look into is Intercept. The Intercept instructors have more specific training than the standard OB programs. https://www.outwardbound.org/expeditions/intercept-expeditions/

Here's the local NAMI chapter assuming you're in DC. It might be helpful to talk to others who have been through it. Also, I would try calling the helpline. They were helpful to me with resources etc. when we were in a crisis with out son.
https://www.namidc.org/support-for-you/support-groups/

OP here. We actually have put stuff in the car. That’s our last place to store it. Locked with car alarm set. Thank you for the referrals and helpful links. Really appreciate it! I wanted to send him to outward bound. He didn’t want to go and DH balked at the cost. But I’m over it. We have hit a breaking point. Hes stealing my debit and checking account info and I’m sleeping with car keys FFS!

[Anonymous]

PP who suggested sleeping with keys. Do you know anyone in law enforcement? Or can you go down in person to the local police station and explain what's going on, and seeing if they can have someone come out and talk to him? Some PDs might be willing in (I live in a sleepy town where they definitely would) and I imagine others have zero time for this.

What your son is doing is clearly against the law, and you or your other children could press charges. Not that you're going to (at this point), but it's worth understanding --and your son understanding-- what the consequences of his actions are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I suggest a lockbox with a complex physical key?

How did your son hack your safe? Did he buy a physical reset key on the Internet? Put a sniffer on the keypad to catch your input?

Can your son mow lawns or walk dogs? If he can get his own money, let him spend it on crap.

You might fight fire with fire (unless it's too dangerous). If you can figure out his Fortnite and other game passwords or can call the companies to get his account money adding privileges suspended, you might be able to counterbalance his behaviors.

Op here. Thank you and will research these. He knows we know he's outsmarted us and he knows we know he knows he’s outsmarted us. It’s exhausting AF. We don’t know how he hacked the safe. We have asked and all he says is he watches videos on YouTube or else gets all smartass and says he “used a paper clip” or a “ballpoint pen,” which we know is BS. That’s his response for all of it. At one point the safe was totally disabled and dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP who suggested sleeping with keys. Do you know anyone in law enforcement? Or can you go down in person to the local police station and explain what's going on, and seeing if they can have someone come out and talk to him? Some PDs might be willing in (I live in a sleepy town where they definitely would) and I imagine others have zero time for this.

What your son is doing is clearly against the law, and you or your other children could press charges. Not that you're going to (at this point), but it's worth understanding --and your son understanding-- what the consequences of his actions are.

OP here and I’m actually considering doing this, maybe even tomorrow. I don’t know if I can drag him, but was thinking of bringing him to my bank branch and having the manager explain that this is criminal wire fraud. And then driving him over to the local police dept and asking someone to talk to him. We are urban and I don’t want to waste first responder time. But maybe if I call ahead and ask they might have suggestions. If anyone in the DC metro area has a law enforcement connection who is willing to scare some sense into him, I’d gladly take the referral.

[Anonymous]

How long has he been without electronics today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long has he been without electronics today?

OP here. He has been without *his* phone or *his* computer for almost a week as of tomorrow. But today, he found a sibling’s device while sibling was at camp and then stole my credit card from my wallet while I was in a meeting and bought himself online gaming crap. That’s when I started getting fraud alerts from my bank. While I was in a meeting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I suggest a lockbox with a complex physical key?

How did your son hack your safe? Did he buy a physical reset key on the Internet? Put a sniffer on the keypad to catch your input?

Can your son mow lawns or walk dogs? If he can get his own money, let him spend it on crap.

You might fight fire with fire (unless it's too dangerous). If you can figure out his Fortnite and other game passwords or can call the companies to get his account money adding privileges suspended, you might be able to counterbalance his behaviors.

Op here. Thank you and will research these. He knows we know he's outsmarted us and he knows we know he knows he’s outsmarted us. It’s exhausting AF. We don’t know how he hacked the safe. We have asked and all he says is he watches videos on YouTube or else gets all smartass and says he “used a paper clip” or a “ballpoint pen,” which we know is BS. That’s his response for all of it. At one point the safe was totally disabled and dead.

Have you looked at your safe manual or googled for videos?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=De0D7otNxME

It's probably something similar. Just educate yourself. Google has almost all easily findable knowledge.

I don't think taking your kid to the bank or police will work. How about court? In my town all the 5th graders go to a court session. Usually probation/parole hearings. Our local judge is a sincere educator. This is a school program.

Getting control of the Fortnite account might be hard. But you could try.

https://safety.epicgames.com/en-US/parental-controls

https://www.reddit.com/r/RocketLeague/comments/10kgplm/how_to_set_up_and_manage_parental_controls_for/

You may need to deny your kid a phone.

[Anonymous]

Given his behavior, you have to play stronger defense while trying to manage. Keep your wallet, keys, phone etc on you at all times, in a fanny pack, literally strapped around your waist. You're living with an addict and you can't leave things unattended.

I would definitely bring the bank into this. I have relatives who are going down this same road with their oldest kid. It's unbelievable what the kid is getting up to -- just a total disregard for family and legal boundaries, and they can't fathom what is going to happen when the parents can't protect them. So I get where you're coming from.