What's the hardest part of marriage at midlife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husbands midlife crisis, mistress and subsequent abandonment of our marriage and family. I’m in shock and destroyed. Our marriage had no more problems than those listed in this thread

I’m so sorry. Also blindsided with a midlife affair. Bad midlife crisis- drinking, cheating, lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing that the person you married and have spend the past couple of decades with is kind of an as*hole and trying to figure out where to go from there.

Yep. You look and think why did I not see this?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Realizing that the person you married and have spend the past couple of decades with is kind of an as*hole and trying to figure out where to go from there.[/quote]

Yep. You look and think why did I not see this?[/quote]

You did see it, but especially for men, cockiness and arrogance are attractive traits to women in their 20's, and don't try to deny it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s keeping the love alive after 20-25 years. When empty nesterhood is on the horizon you really take stock of where you are and where you want to be. Many couples will stay together simply because it’s the easiest thing to do. I’m married to my best friend and we are very compatible and we’ve never faced a big marriage bump in the road. Our libidos are in sync (I think!) and sex continues to be high energy even after all of the years together.

You sound like my parents who have been married 45 years. They really are great friends. They live near us so I see them a lot and it’s clear they are very happy together. They are both fit and young in spirit and it would surprise me if they ever faced a midlife marriage crisis. Very subtle hints from my mother indicates they still have an active love life. Mind blowing given they are over 70.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Realizing that the person you married and have spend the past couple of decades with is kind of an as*hole and trying to figure out where to go from there.

Yep. You look and think why did I not see this?

NP
I don’t wonder why I didn’t see it because it didn’t exist to be seen.

[Anonymous]

Sex with one person forever is a special kind of prison.

[Anonymous]

Sex with one person forever is a special kind of prison.

So is narcissism.

Often, one partner will feel confined to having sex with their spouse while being shocked to find their spouse feels the same way. During a drunken night on vacation, one of my best friends told his DW about how he missed wild NSA sex and was shocked when she told him she felt the same way. He made it worse by asking her specifics about what she missed.

[Anonymous]

The resentment builds to a breaking point. You realize you are running out of time and don't want to spend what is left of your life with someone who causes you pain or stress. I envy the posters who married their best friends and remained in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sex with one person forever is a special kind of prison.

So is narcissism.

Often, one partner will feel confined to having sex with their spouse while being shocked to find their spouse feels the same way. During a drunken night on vacation, one of my best friends told his DW about how he missed wild NSA sex and was shocked when she told him she felt the same way. He made it worse by asking her specifics about what she missed.

PP here and my spouse may very well feel the same way. There's not a realistic way to solve that problem without a lot of other complications and so everyone needs to keep driving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The resentment builds to a breaking point. You realize you are running out of time and don't want to spend what is left of your life with someone who causes you pain or stress. I envy the posters who married their best friends and remained in love.

I married my best friend, but I will say the "same annoying habits" are amplified once the kids are gone. When you are too busy to notice the little stuff, life just keeps moving. When you have 100% full focus of time on the weekends and evenings, the little stuff seems to get more annoying. You don't over look it. On top of that, perimenopause hormone drops amplify the annoyance (and full menopause...I'm not there yet, but it's coming).

I'm sure the solution here is to spend less time together, but he really loves me and wants to do everything together.

So then I have to take a time out and sing to myself, "Me, I'm the problem its me." I probably need an estrogen replacement. I'm going to talk to my doctor at my next physical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loss of sexual attraction.

But still really REALLY attracted (sexually) to men, just bored of sex with my husband and long for sex with a new man. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex with one person forever is a special kind of prison.

Women are not meant to be monogamous; its just not in our nature.

[Anonymous]

Financial stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One partner decides the other doesn’t need sex anymore and withholds intimacy.

That’s not how it works. Your body your choice, My body my choice. You cannot make any decisions about my need for sex.

Theres no shortage of crazies on dcum

[Anonymous]

This is the time when people are more likely to divorce
However the grass is not always greener on the other side. My sister left her husband because she felt he was emotionally detached, but my sister isn't the easiest person to please either. She left him, and is now remarried to the worst possible man on earth. I think some women don't always see themselves as the issues in a marriage.