What's the hardest part of marriage at midlife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing for us. DH retired early and we travel/relax. Our children are all older teens and spend most of their time away at schools.

I’m hoping we could do some version of this sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now it's dealing with my MIL being not only a nasty b*t*h but also in the early stages of Alzheimers. Now she's forgetful but it's everybody else's fault. She doesn't realize how close she is to being put in a home.

You don't understand how Alzheimer's works. She can't control being like that. Early stages of the disease is where most of the aggression starts. What's your excuse for being insensitive and nasty? My God, what a family she has threatening to put her in a home as punishment as if she can control what's happening to her, rather than trying to understand why it's happening and getting the doctor to prescribe something to help control it. I guess it's an "American values" thing to just abandon your loved ones when they need you the most. I notice there isn't a real strength there when truly tested. Just throw them in a home. Lovely.

"Alzheimers" is thrown around all sorts of memory issues, including fake ones that older people use to cover for their sh*tty entitled behavior. My own MIL 'forgets' everything important to me but somehow she hasn't missed a single appointmnet important to her in the 31 years I've known her.

The older they get, the more they are like children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic illness if that strikes one or both spouses.

+ 1000 We are navigating the rest of the challenges mentioned in this thread in addition to multiple life-changing medical diagnoses for DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Caring for aging parents and teens, stalled career, menopause, years of the same annoying AF habits. No money or time to do lots of fun togetherness things.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are like roommates more than best friends or lovers.

This isn't the life I want but it's what has evolved.

+1

[Anonymous]

Boredom
Predictably; habits and behaviors of the other person become tedious
Too much going on: work, kids, elders, household, etc.

[Anonymous]

Husbands midlife crisis, mistress and subsequent abandonment of our marriage and family. I’m in shock and destroyed. Our marriage had no more problems than those listed in this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One partner usually is very selfish and breaks the other is left being the adult for everyone.

!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right now it's dealing with my MIL being not only a nasty b*t*h but also in the early stages of Alzheimers. Now she's forgetful but it's everybody else's fault. She doesn't realize how close she is to being put in a home.

You don't understand how Alzheimer's works. She can't control being like that. Early stages of the disease is where most of the aggression starts. What's your excuse for being insensitive and nasty? My God, what a family she has threatening to put her in a home as punishment as if she can control what's happening to her, rather than trying to understand why it's happening and getting the doctor to prescribe something to help control it. I guess it's an "American values" thing to just abandon your loved ones when they need you the most. I notice there isn't a real strength there when truly tested. Just throw them in a home. Lovely.

I think you misread. PP is saying that the mother-in-law is a nasty b*t*h independently of her challenges with Alzheimers. I presume there is a history here.

[Anonymous]

simple. the fact that your are married...

[Anonymous]

I feel like you can overlook a lot of stuff in general in your 20s and 30s, but after 40 the mask falls off and it starts to catch up with you. Not just in marriage but in life.

But for us the challenges have been parent health problems, managing DC’s special needs, and some mental health struggles on both sides of the relationship. Trying to feel grateful for each day while simultaneously working to manage expectations for the future.

[Anonymous]

Realizing that the person you married and have spend the past couple of decades with is kind of an as*hole and trying to figure out where to go from there.

[Anonymous]

Raising teens, especially when the stakes are so high, you're "running out of time" and when at least one of them is so difficult and high needs it can break the family.

One of our DC has interfered so badly in our marriage I am shocked we are still together. Differences of opinion on treatments, parenting, etc have taken an enormous toll of which I am not sure from which we can recover. Every day is a bigger struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you can overlook a lot of stuff in general in your 20s and 30s, but after 40 the mask falls off and it starts to catch up with you. Not just in marriage but in life.

But for us the challenges have been parent health problems, managing DC’s special needs, and some mental health struggles on both sides of the relationship. Trying to feel grateful for each day while simultaneously working to manage expectations for the future.

I hear you on the masks falling off. Sometimes it feels like you couldn’t say anything earlier on because there was hope for the future.

[Anonymous]

Boredom and realizing that you really have very little (or nothing) in common with your spouse except for a long shared history and kids.