What's the hardest part of marriage at midlife

[Anonymous]

Extended family obligations (or felt obligation), pressure and meddling. MILs - and FILs.

[Anonymous]

I think for us, once you get through the exhaustion of the little kid phase is the feeling of oh crap this is my one life and doors are closing in the next 10-20 years and my life doesn’t look how I want it in x y z ways. And your partner is having the same thoughts and feelings and it’s hard to compromise on certain things (one partner wants some big work things, one person wants more of a family life). Compromise is hard.

[Anonymous]

Right now it's dealing with my MIL being not only a nasty b*t*h but also in the early stages of Alzheimers. Now she's forgetful but it's everybody else's fault. She doesn't realize how close she is to being put in a home.

[Anonymous]

Death of long time pets that were the focus of home life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me the sex is still really good, in some ways better than its ever been.

The hard thing in my marriage is just all the pressure from outside at this stage- aging parents getting sick, harder things with older kids, medical issues. It’s hard to prioritize our marriage.

This

[Anonymous]

I think it’s facing empty nester hood and what that will mean for your relationship. You’ve likely operated as a family for 20 years and now you will be back to being a couple. You are no longer young and crazy about each other, you’re middle age and ???????
We were lucky to embrace it and have fun with it. We had a happy marriage and a very active sex life which made the transition very easy.

[Anonymous]

Chronic illness if that strikes one or both spouses.

[Anonymous]

We have young kids and we’re older parents so I think for us it’s definitely being like “oh shoot we got one life to live”. I’ve changed my POV from being the super ambitious one to trying to find ways to be home way more as DH is ramping up to try be partner. I’m closing certain doors but we all can’t get everything.

[Anonymous]

Avoid boredom at any cost. Stay active, have fun, travel, entertain, explore, try new things, stay fit and attractive to each other. Lastly, do whatever you can to maintain an active sex life otherwise temptation lurks.

[Anonymous]

Health issues. My amazing relationship was virtually perfect for almost 20 years until health issues came along. Then it got hard.

[Anonymous]

Mental and physical health issues, either your own or parents’. The worst is if one or more kids have profound special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right now it's dealing with my MIL being not only a nasty b*t*h but also in the early stages of Alzheimers. Now she's forgetful but it's everybody else's fault. She doesn't realize how close she is to being put in a home.

You don't understand how Alzheimer's works. She can't control being like that. Early stages of the disease is where most of the aggression starts. What's your excuse for being insensitive and nasty? My God, what a family she has threatening to put her in a home as punishment as if she can control what's happening to her, rather than trying to understand why it's happening and getting the doctor to prescribe something to help control it. I guess it's an "American values" thing to just abandon your loved ones when they need you the most. I notice there isn't a real strength there when truly tested. Just throw them in a home. Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Years of neglecting the marriage to focus on the kids coming home to roost.

[Anonymous]

Caring for aging parents and teens, stalled career, menopause, years of the same annoying AF habits. No money or time to do lots of fun togetherness things.

[Anonymous]

Nothing for us. DH retired early and we travel/relax. Our children are all older teens and spend most of their time away at schools.