What's the hardest part of marriage at midlife

[Anonymous]

Realizing how many things I complain about would be better if I changed some aspect about myself, and then realizing how much harder it is to change.

[Anonymous]

For many years you put up with certain annoyances because you were so busy with raising children, work and a decent sex life. Now the children are gone, work is tiresome and your sex life is almost non existent but the annoyances are still there and take center stage. Is this what the next 25 years are going to look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unresolved resentments from early in our marriage. You don’t realize when these things are happening that you will carry them around in the background for the rest of your life.

Totally unhealthy and not a given. Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men realizing and having to cope with wives who are neurotic and complain and stress way too much about inconsequential things or imaginary boogeymen that won’t come to pass. Maybe worrying there is some kidnapper in a van at the park and realize that, statistically, driving your fking sedan is much more likely to result in a dangerous situation. Men just get so tired of the constant anxiety. Chill out. No one cares. Nothing really matters that much.

But female anxiety is why you’re alive.

Why do you think the army is made up of young men? Because men are reckless and violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unresolved resentments from early in our marriage. You don’t realize when these things are happening that you will carry them around in the background for the rest of your life.

Work on YOU. Resentment is toxic. Learn grace and how to forgive. I'm sure your spouse has forgiven you for several of your own inadequacies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex with one person forever is a special kind of prison.

Women are not meant to be monogamous; its just not in our nature.

Lie. That's on you. Me and most of my friends value monogamy, safety, security, our families, and sex within the safe, trusting relationship of marriage. Sadly my DH did not, but that's on him.
Cheaters make terrible, destructive, selfish choices- pure and simple. Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unresolved resentments from early in our marriage. You don’t realize when these things are happening that you will carry them around in the background for the rest of your life.

This!!! Yes. Apparently perimenopause/menopause is making women feel broken or maybe just now waking up to reality.

[Anonymous]

For me, lack of “goals”? Earlier in our relationship it was about planing the wedding, Moving, buying a house, getting the better job, getting pregnant, etc. Our kids are middle school aged so I guess the next “goal” will be college but for now I feel like we’re working so hard just to maintain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing how many things I complain about would be better if I changed some aspect about myself, and then realizing how much harder it is to change.

Respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men realizing and having to cope with wives who are neurotic and complain and stress way too much about inconsequential things or imaginary boogeymen that won’t come to pass. Maybe worrying there is some kidnapper in a van at the park and realize that, statistically, driving your fking sedan is much more likely to result in a dangerous situation. Men just get so tired of the constant anxiety. Chill out. No one cares. Nothing really matters that much.

Exactly!
So many silly things, who cares!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unresolved resentments from early in our marriage. You don’t realize when these things are happening that you will carry them around in the background for the rest of your life.

This!!! Yes. Apparently perimenopause/menopause is making women feel broken or maybe just now waking up to reality.

I don’t know that I feel broken. It’s more that things happened early in our marriage where DH really left me alone to struggle when I was vulnerable. We argued about it at the time, but didn’t really resolve it.

Now, at midlife, our biggest issues are that we have these things on both sides, and they just sort of crop up sometimes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men realizing and having to cope with wives who are neurotic and complain and stress way too much about inconsequential things or imaginary boogeymen that won’t come to pass. Maybe worrying there is some kidnapper in a van at the park and realize that, statistically, driving your fking sedan is much more likely to result in a dangerous situation. Men just get so tired of the constant anxiety. Chill out. No one cares. Nothing really matters that much.

Typical man. You don’t understand the dangers women are surrounded by. Or appreciate middle aged women’s health concerns and how hard peri/menopause can hit a lot of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For many years you put up with certain annoyances because you were so busy with raising children, work and a decent sex life. Now the children are gone, work is tiresome and your sex life is almost non existent but the annoyances are still there and take center stage. Is this what the next 25 years are going to look like?

And this is why there's gray divorce.

I hope that future generations will do better on getting rid of invisible labor, but for me, it's too late. I wish I lived alone most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For many years you put up with certain annoyances because you were so busy with raising children, work and a decent sex life. Now the children are gone, work is tiresome and your sex life is almost non existent but the annoyances are still there and take center stage. Is this what the next 25 years are going to look like?

And this is why there's gray divorce.

I hope that future generations will do better on getting rid of invisible labor, but for me, it's too late. I wish I lived alone most of the time.

This. Invisible labor is exhausting. I am tired but also tired of my dh complaining.

[Anonymous]

Your life just isn't as exciting as it was before. All of the fun things in life have already gone by: childhood, college, 20s, marriage, new babies.