Learned girlfriend cheated early in the relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people don’t have an “ exclusive” talk. OP and his gf confirming neither were sleeping together prior to being intimate basically means they were exclusive at that point. Thai is how almost all my relationships became exclusive. She cheated.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people don’t have an “ exclusive” talk. OP and his gf confirming neither were sleeping together prior to being intimate basically means they were exclusive at that point. Thai is how almost all my relationships became exclusive. She cheated. [/quote

I'm guessing you got married in the 90s or 2000s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don’t have an “ exclusive” talk. OP and his gf confirming neither were sleeping together prior to being intimate basically means they were exclusive at that point. Thai is how almost all my relationships became exclusive. She cheated.

Exactly.

Have you been on the dating scene in the past, say, seven to eight years? people definitely have exclusivity talks in the age of online dating and dating apps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don’t have an “ exclusive” talk. OP and his gf confirming neither were sleeping together prior to being intimate basically means they were exclusive at that point. Thai is how almost all my relationships became exclusive. She cheated.

Exactly.

Have you been on the dating scene in the past, say, seven to eight years? people definitely have exclusivity talks in the age of online dating and dating apps

This. Essentially she had a messy start and is weak/indecisive but I would y get too hung up on this being cheating. She did lie and cover it up until she came clean though, that’s a bit concerning but I wouldn’t end the relationship over it; but make it clear how you feel about it so she knows if she cheats it’s over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the timeline doesn't make sense so either OP or Gf is lying.

What timeline are you talking about? OP said that she slept with her ex between 6-8 weeks into their relationship.

The timeline where he now finds out about I, and the bf just randomly decides to text her and he supposedly got her number from FB. I just don't buy it.

You can’t read. OP said that she gave her bf her new number years ago over FB. That’s when they hooked up. Maybe you’re not memorable but he had exes message me months/years later to see how I was doing.

I still have one-and-done dating app dates text me 4‐6 years later!

+1. Almost everyone I have slept with has reappeared at some point.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is too early to worry about, since you’d only been dating briefly and this is an ex that she was no longer seeing and had a relapse with. Don’t blow an otherwise good relationship over something minor and ambiguous from the past. You can’t expect radical honesty in the beginning and relationships often have fuzzy endings. Let this go if there is nothing else to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What made her tell you now? Or did you find out some other way?

Big whoop you bought a nice ring.

OP relationships are not about what you buy.

If they are they never last.

OP here. She got a text from her ex-boyfriend. He shouldn’t have that because she changed her phone plan at the start of our relationship and they were broken up for several months.

He texted her and I saw the text. She said “ babe..who is that because she was chopping up veggies”. He said his name and asked if it was still her number. Texted again how he would love to get together and talk if she’s single.
I asked how he had her number because they were already broken up when she changed it. She admitted that she texted him early on in our relationship and she ended up meeting up and sleeping with him one night. It only happened once and it was about 6-8 weeks into our relationship.

We had not had an exclusive talk but I asked if she was seeing anyone else before we slept together and she said no. I told her I wasn’t either. We had already been sleeping together and not seeing anyone else when she slept with her ex.

I’ll be in the minority. There is enough ambiguity about whether you were exclusive. And it was TWO YEARS ago. You e had a solid relationship since then. People make mistakes.

I’d be pissed too. But not enough to piss away the relationship. Do you really want to cut off your nose to spite your face?

I really don't thinking you're in the minority here. It just appears that way because one bitter person is posting that the gf is a liar/cheater over and over and over again.

OP I really don't think she actually was lying (she wasn't "seeing"/dating the ex or anyone else). But, if I were in your shoes I would definitely feel upset and might not be able to move forward. It would bother me that the ex is even contacting her at this point in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is trouble. Don’t commit because she certainly can’t. You might be seen as a simp you stand by her side.

PP Honestly this is wrong. She has been with op for two years! I'm assuming she didn't get on the text and say come on over? How was she supposed to know that you would date longer than two months. If you are the type to lord it over on her than it might be better for her that you break up

She's been with him 2 years, but she's told multiple lies, hoping OP wouldn't find out. LEt's be real if OP were a woman you'd tell her to move on.

Wrong. They were not exclusive. Not lying. Not cheating.

she lied.

None of his business. They were not exclusive. There is no harm here.

There is harm to the trust OP has in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she blocked him?
Did she tell him she's no longer available?

This. what has been her response to the ex?

I am one who feels she was dishonest, and I can totally understand why OP feels he was cheated on. His girlfriend made him believe she had cut off all contact with her ex only in reality she had been connecting with him on FB and sleeping with him during that time period.

Her response should guide OP in how to respond if she doesn't apologize for lying, if she tries to excuse her lie if she doesn't clearly let the ex know things are done. OP should end it immediately. You should also end it immediately if you can't let it go, because it's not fair to her , you, or the relationship to be stewing over this for years, or if it will be something you throw in her face when you 're upset.


If she does these things, then you also need to have an explicit talk with each other about boundaries, and honesty in your relationship and what you both consider to be cheating. It's clear you aren't on the same page, and that's not uncommon. Just look at this forum there are people who think going on dates with others while married is okay and others who do not. The standards need to be crystal clear here.


I also think you need to pause the proposal for a little bit, and see how this plays out for a few more months..


And if youdo decided to get engaged, premarital counseling is a must.

[Anonymous]

My comment from last night was deleted? Is this a new thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My comment from last night was deleted? Is this a new thing?

My bad! Wrong thread!

[Anonymous]

Negotiate a once a week bj anytime option for the life of the relationship

[Anonymous]

Have you had a conversation about it since you saw the texts? Sit down and discuss how you feel, how she feels, has she been with only you since? Have you discussed things like what commitment, fidelity, lying means to each of you? Even a discussion of opposite sex friends, communication, lunch partners, etc. Now that this has happened, it is a great gateway to really figuring out if you are truly compatible. Do you have the same values, feelings, needs, wants?

[Anonymous]

A one night stand with an ex is just fundamentally different than dating someone else. So I don't really think she lied. I can understand OP being hurt! But I don't think it's fair to say girlfriend lied or cheated. Not a fair reading of what happened imho.

[Anonymous]

If they're connected on FB, shouldn't he know she's taken?