Learned girlfriend cheated early in the relationship

[Anonymous]

I found out my girlfriend of almost two years cheated on me in the beginning our relationship. This has devastated and gutted me. It was semi-early on but it still sucks. We have had an amazing relationship up until now. I’m very much in love with her and envisioned a life with her. I bought a beautiful ring and made plans to propose in June on our anniversary. I felt like I knew her and now I’m questioning everything. I’m heartbroken and confused.

[Anonymous]

Once a cheater always a cheater. Save yourself a lifetime of misery and heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

Did you have a conversation about being exclusive prior to that point?

[Anonymous]

What made her tell you now? Or did you find out some other way?

Big whoop you bought a nice ring.

OP relationships are not about what you buy.

If they are they never last.

[Anonymous]

If she admitted it, I would give her points.

If you found out some other way, I would be leery about committing to her.

[Anonymous]

You say it was early on in the relationship. Did you have the DTR talk prior to that? If you did, then she truly cheated and you have to determine whether you want to rebuild trust or if you want to move on. If you did not have the talk, then it may not have been cheating in her eyes.

[Anonymous]

How did you find out? I think this manner matters.

[Anonymous]

Definitely how you found out matters and the circumstances of your relationship then and now matter. Watch her behavior carefully, but not judgementally. I was in exactly your situation and waited a while longer before we got engaged. Have been married over a decade and it seems good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you have a conversation about being exclusive prior to that point?

OP here. We never said we were exclusive but we discussed if we were seeing others and we both said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you have a conversation about being exclusive prior to that point?

OP here. We never said we were exclusive but we discussed if we were seeing others and we both said no.

Maybe she didn't consider her fling to "be with others" and the guy didn't mean anything and it was already ending at that point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What made her tell you now? Or did you find out some other way?

Big whoop you bought a nice ring.

OP relationships are not about what you buy.

If they are they never last.

OP here. She got a text from her ex-boyfriend. He shouldn’t have that because she changed her phone plan at the start of our relationship and they were broken up for several months.

He texted her and I saw the text. She said “ babe..who is that because she was chopping up veggies”. He said his name and asked if it was still her number. Texted again how he would love to get together and talk if she’s single.
I asked how he had her number because they were already broken up when she changed it. She admitted that she texted him early on in our relationship and she ended up meeting up and sleeping with him one night. It only happened once and it was about 6-8 weeks into our relationship.

We had not had an exclusive talk but I asked if she was seeing anyone else before we slept together and she said no. I told her I wasn’t either. We had already been sleeping together and not seeing anyone else when she slept with her ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What made her tell you now? Or did you find out some other way?

Big whoop you bought a nice ring.

OP relationships are not about what you buy.

If they are they never last.

OP here. She got a text from her ex-boyfriend. He shouldn’t have that because she changed her phone plan at the start of our relationship and they were broken up for several months.

He texted her and I saw the text. She said “ babe..who is that because she was chopping up veggies”. He said his name and asked if it was still her number. Texted again how he would love to get together and talk if she’s single.
I asked how he had her number because they were already broken up when she changed it. She admitted that she texted him early on in our relationship and she ended up meeting up and sleeping with him one night. It only happened once and it was about 6-8 weeks into our relationship.

We had not had an exclusive talk but I asked if she was seeing anyone else before we slept together and she said no. I told her I wasn’t either. We had already been sleeping together and not seeing anyone else when she slept with her ex.

OP here. I realize I probably made very little sense. My mind is going crazy right now.

She broke up with her bf months before we got together. They had no contact. She changed her phone plan and phone number right around our first date.

She got a text from her ex ( a number he shouldn’t have) asking if it was still her number and how he would like to get together if she was single.

I pressed her on how he would have her number and she admitted that her FB messaged her around that time and gave him her number. They met up to talk and ended up sleeping together. It was only one time and she told him she was seeing someone else. They hadn’t talked since then.

We didn’t have an exclusive talk per se but we both said we weren’t dating anyone else before we slept together and continued to sleep together and build a relationship.

[Anonymous]

That really gives me pause. She lied to you. In the sunshiny beginning. You had both said you weren’t seeing anyone else. I wouldn’t be comfortable proceeding. If she had come out and told you because she sensed a proposal coming and she wanted to give you the chance to back out, my answer would be different.

[Anonymous]

She is trouble. Don’t commit because she certainly can’t. You might be seen as a simp you stand by her side.

[Anonymous]

OP - I would get over this. You'd only been dating 6 weeks! I've been married 20 years and same thing happened, but I didn't think of us as exclusive yet, because it was early dating phase. We just don't ask each other about that period.