Learned girlfriend cheated early in the relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's lied to you multiple times.


It's up to you if you want to continue.


You could go on to be together happily for 20 + years, and you'll be glad you let this go.


Or this could be the moment you wish you had ended things.

How is this helpful? OP knows he is facing a choice that will have consequences -- he doesn't need to be reminded of it. He's asking us for our recommendation of what to do. Pick a side!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's lied to you multiple times.


It's up to you if you want to continue.


You could go on to be together happily for 20 + years, and you'll be glad you let this go.


Or this could be the moment you wish you had ended things.

How is this helpful? OP knows he is facing a choice that will have consequences -- he doesn't need to be reminded of it. He's asking us for our recommendation of what to do. Pick a side!

You forgot to pick a side, bully.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she lied to you when she told you she wasn't seeing anyone else. She really wasn't, and then later met up with the ex bf and as sometimes happens with exes it was a one off. And six weeks in IS pretty early. That said, maybe she owed you the news that it had happened, after it happened. Though you weren't officially exclusive until later.

It's weird because usually men are scared of the exclusivity lock it down talk because they don't really want to be locked down themselves, but nobody really likes hearing that their lover was sleeping with someone else when maybe they weren't. It's a little hurtful. But I totally understand the feeling. It's good that your gf didn't lie to you now, and told you they'd slept together -- that part wasn't really revealed in the text (right?) so she could have withheld it...

[Anonymous]

I'm also not sure I'd call this "cheating" exactly, since you specifically were NOT exclusive and did not lock it down, just weren't actively dating multiple people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the timeline doesn't make sense so either OP or Gf is lying.

What timeline are you talking about? OP said that she slept with her ex between 6-8 weeks into their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the timeline doesn't make sense so either OP or Gf is lying.

What timeline are you talking about? OP said that she slept with her ex between 6-8 weeks into their relationship.

The timeline where he now finds out about I, and the bf just randomly decides to text her and he supposedly got her number from FB. I just don't buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found out my girlfriend of almost two years cheated on me in the beginning our relationship. This has devastated and gutted me. It was semi-early on but it still sucks. We have had an amazing relationship up until now. I’m very much in love with her and envisioned a life with her. I bought a beautiful ring and made plans to propose in June on our anniversary. I felt like I knew her and now I’m questioning everything. I’m heartbroken and confused.

The exact same thing happened to me and I took my then-fiancé back. He did a great job of seeming remorseful and sad, and I rationalized the cheating as being less bad because it occurred before we were really, really in love. SMH.

10 years later, I can tell you marrying that cheating SOB was the BIGGEST mistake of my life.

You see, the same dishonesty that led my soon to be ex-husband to cheat and then keep it a secret for years was still there within him. That manipulative behavior was a reflection of his character. The same is true of your fiancée.

With my husband, dishonesty in things big and small became a big issue. It wasn’t just dishonesty in cheating. It was that anytime he had a choice between self-gratification followed by a lie to cover it up versus honesty, he would choose dishonesty every time. It got to the point at which I could never believe anything he said. It was so disorienting. I also have no doubt he cheated again and just didn’t confess this time.

I’m finally divorcing the a-hole. Learn from my mistake and walk!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you have a conversation about being exclusive prior to that point?

OP here. We never said we were exclusive but we discussed if we were seeing others and we both said no.

Then this does not matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm also not sure I'd call this "cheating" exactly, since you specifically were NOT exclusive and did not lock it down, just weren't actively dating multiple people.

This is not cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What made her tell you now? Or did you find out some other way?

Big whoop you bought a nice ring.

OP relationships are not about what you buy.

If they are they never last.

OP here. She got a text from her ex-boyfriend. He shouldn’t have that because she changed her phone plan at the start of our relationship and they were broken up for several months.

He texted her and I saw the text. She said “ babe..who is that because she was chopping up veggies”. He said his name and asked if it was still her number. Texted again how he would love to get together and talk if she’s single.
I asked how he had her number because they were already broken up when she changed it. She admitted that she texted him early on in our relationship and she ended up meeting up and sleeping with him one night. It only happened once and it was about 6-8 weeks into our relationship.

We had not had an exclusive talk but I asked if she was seeing anyone else before we slept together and she said no. I told her I wasn’t either. We had already been sleeping together and not seeing anyone else when she slept with her ex.

I’ll be in the minority. There is enough ambiguity about whether you were exclusive. And it was TWO YEARS ago. You e had a solid relationship since then. People make mistakes.

I’d be pissed too. But not enough to piss away the relationship. Do you really want to cut off your nose to spite your face?

[Anonymous]

OP grow up! Stuff like this happens. What it tells you is that you are with someone attractive who someone else would like to bone. Congrats! Now go and be happy. If she hasn’t done anything else questionable MOVR ON.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not a big deal. You made assumptions about exclusivity and she didn't. That's all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you have a conversation about being exclusive prior to that point?

OP here. We never said we were exclusive but we discussed if we were seeing others and we both said no.

Definition matters. Was she dating this other person or just sleeping with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, not a big deal. You made assumptions about exclusivity and she didn't. That's all there is to it.

Agree you are not exclusive. And that was so early in the relationship. If you've truly had a good two years, then I would look at that. She didn't lie to you. She even admitted that she had slept with him early on. She sounds upfront and forthright to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound possessive and immature. She didn’t lie to you and she didn’t cheat on you. She wasn’t dating anyone else. You hadn’t agreed to be exclusive. A one night stand with an ex doesn’t qualify as dating someone else. These things happen, and you had only been dating a few weeks!! It’s not like she went out looking for guys when you were madly in love.

And what is with ‘he shouldn’t have her new phone number?!’ I have all of my exes phone numbers still. Doesn’t mean I’m going to cheat! You seem really controlling and I think you should let her find someone else.