I disconnected my direct deposit

[Anonymous]

Same OP?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/857023.page

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/883858.page#17262876

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. If he is a professor, he has some flexibility to contribute to the house and take care of the kids. Like the whole point of tenure is to have more flexibility. Or is he simply an adjunct? (I doubt that, if he's getting a sabbatical.) Sounds like you don't respect him if you call it a hobby job.

Why are you so burnt out? If your goal is to be a mother then you need to modify your lifestyle to support a single income.

[Anonymous]

I'm not understanding why you aren't just quitting your job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ma’am, you chose to marry someone who clearly you think is beneath you. Then you chose to have not one but two kids with this person. Take some responsibility.

This. OP sounds like an absolute nutcase.

I do take responsibility. I married him because I listened to the people who said money doesn’t matter. I overlooked the fact that he would exploit me to have a lifestyle that he also wants (nothing OTT but comfortable) without feeling any pressure to push the envelope with his own earning. I absolutely regret marrying him, but I DO NOT regret my kids.

Would I go back and choose someone else knowing what I know now? Absolutely 100%. But I wasn’t going to just not have a 2nd kid, and I don’t care what the posters here have to say about it. The circumstances are not optimal, but I would personally still choose to be born into them if given the choice between that and not being born.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a great idea!

[Anonymous]

Op is screwed either way. She divorces and pays him alimony and child support while he takes on a live in girlfriend to babysit his kids. See this all the time with humanities professors actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has the husband actually done wrong? Also, what “hobby job” has a sabbatical?

This is clearly a troll.

I am not a troll. My husband is a professor. To me this is a hobby job because he could 3-10x his income in the private sector if he felt like it. But he doesn’t feel like it when I make everything possible at the expense of my health and ability to be a good parent.

I get that you want him to make more, but it's a perfectly respectable role he has and apparently likes, but the idea that you are owed sponsorship is really gobsmacking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not "quiet quitting", by the way. Quiet quitting is still doing your job, just not going crazy over-and-above your job. Sounds like you're just quitting (or wanting to - which you can't do by just disconnecting your direct deposit...which is another separate issue).

I am typing from my phone so that I don’t type this from my work computer, and so I’m taking shortcuts.

I connected a personal account instead of joint account, and yes I will still do my job, but if I get a message from daycare that my daughter smeared poop in the bathroom, I am going to stop what I am doing and research OTs and make an appointment and take her. I am going to shower once a day and do my nails. I am going to meal plan and grocery shop. And if my work performance drops I am not going to worry about it or care about my annual performance review.

You have not been showering daily and you are blaming ... your job? Your husband. Are you drinking, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has the husband actually done wrong? Also, what “hobby job” has a sabbatical?

This is clearly a troll.

I am not a troll. My husband is a professor. To me this is a hobby job because he could 3-10x his income in the private sector if he felt like it. But he doesn’t feel like it when I make everything possible at the expense of my health and ability to be a good parent.

Most professors make a decent income. I get that you may be feeling overwhelmed right now, but you seem to be lashing out in multiple directions and in ways that aren’t necessarily productive.

You’re married with a child and another one on the way. For the sake of your family, I think you need to take some deep breaths and get a better handle on what’s getting to you.

She's married to a man child becuse he's in a respectable job with a decent income (presumbly, if he's a prof. with a sabbatical) but he could be making more and doesn't so she can not work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ma’am, you chose to marry someone who clearly you think is beneath you. Then you chose to have not one but two kids with this person. Take some responsibility.

This. OP sounds like an absolute nutcase.

I do take responsibility. I married him because I listened to the people who said money doesn’t matter. I overlooked the fact that he would exploit me to have a lifestyle that he also wants (nothing OTT but comfortable) without feeling any pressure to push the envelope with his own earning. I absolutely regret marrying him, but I DO NOT regret my kids.

Would I go back and choose someone else knowing what I know now? Absolutely 100%. But I wasn’t going to just not have a 2nd kid, and I don’t care what the posters here have to say about it. The circumstances are not optimal, but I would personally still choose to be born into them if given the choice between that and not being born.

Sorry, what's wrong with this? You have a comfortable lifestyle and are just mad he's not a workaholic? How is he exploiting you if you are choosing to work this job and refusing to get a more flexible/lower stress position?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op is screwed either way. She divorces and pays him alimony and child support while he takes on a live in girlfriend to babysit his kids. See this all the time with humanities professors actually.

Alimony is only 2-3 years if he's young and educated and it will be much cheaper for OP than staying with him long term. Yes he can try finding a GF to watch the kids (and pay for dates etc), or find another job and a baby sitter

[Anonymous]

I don't think you know what the definition of "exploit" is.

[Anonymous]

PPD get therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What I am doing now is actually very clever, sorry you are struggling to see it."

Ok, if you say so... but based on the information given you have multiple years of expenses in liquid savings and a rental property and you've never tried to dial back at your current job. It sounds like he could keep his low key job and you could dial back and make your own job more manageable and you would still be fine financially.

You resent him for not earning more money but you don't even need the money! Even if he ends up changing jobs you will still be miserable because you haven't gotten to the root of the problem - you.

It's not just irrational, it's nasty and totally devoid of any real values. her attitude along is despicable really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 32 weeks pregnant. I have a 3 year old. I hate my demanding job. My not high earning husband is about to start a year sabbatical, and I will have 5 months fully paid leave plus bonus. We have 2 years of living expenses in liquid savings.

So I disconnected my direct deposit and I am quiet quitting at work until whenever I get pushed out for prioritizing being a mother and self care.

My husband can use his sabbatical to figure out how to improve his income to cover our full living expenses because I am done subsidizing his hobby job.

Thanks for listening and go ahead and flame away.

This seems unethical and immoral. If you are getting paid, you owe your employer an honest days work. And if you don't want to work there anymore, then you should give notice and leave, so they can hire somebody else. Right???